Just wanted to say thank you

Slosh
Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
edited 2. Sep 2014, 16:07 in Living with Arthritis archive
I just wanted to post to say a big thank you to everyone who has given me support, advice and encouragement over the past few months since I joined the forum.
I feel you have really helped me through a time in which a lot has happened, not all positive and while I don't know if I will ever completely accept this, and I think it's natural to feel some sadness/anger at times I am no longer stuck in denial.
I realised how far I've come when I was happy when I got the news of my blue badge yesterday and only had a momentary feeling of sadness that it was now needed. I know it's not going to be plain sailing, that there will be bad times and a lot of adjusments still to make but thanks to all of you I feel much more able to cope, especially knowing you are all there when, not if, I need you.

Monday will be a big day for me, as it's my real return to work, rather than just for three light mornings at the end of last term. Next week I'm in for 4 hours each day and will then build it up from there. I am feeling a bit daunted, not by the fact of going back, I've already had a good meeting with my head who said it felt right to have me back and good to work with me again and it's good to start getting my brain into gear again, but by the fact of "walking" in to school on Fred and Ginger and facing about 100 people, the majority of whom will be expecting to see me back, fully fit. I know there will be a lot of hugs and have a feeling I may struggle to stay professional and dry eyed!

So,
THANK YOU
«1

Comments

  • silkysam
    silkysam Member Posts: 113
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hope all goes really well for you Slosh. I will be thinking of you. You have contributed a lot to my posts, so want to say thank you for that. It is good feeling you are not on your own. Thanks for helping me feel not so isolated xx All the best :)
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am so pleased you have it! :D I realise it cannot be that easy to accept all of this but this will help you, Slosh, and that is the important thing. Ill-health and / or disability was something that happened to others, yes? Now you're included in that number and it sucks. Simples.

    As for the support, well, de nada, you're more than welcome. I always thought this was the point of the forum, it's for those who have been there, done that, read the book, starred in the film and have far too many T-shirts for comfort to try to help as best they can, and one of the lovely things about you is that you support others. That is appreciated.

    So, are you off to park legally on double yellows tomorrow? I am! :lol: Good luck with it, my lovely, I've sent you a PM so keep an eye out, OK?

    Once again, congratulations! And I am sorry that it's needed. :oops: DD
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you both.

    Silkysam, one of the great things about this is that it does make you realise that you are not alone, and if I've been able to help you a bit, then thank you.

    No DD, I think I'd better wait until I get my badge as I don't want to risk a parking ticket, it would be just my luck! Mind you I plan to start using the one opposite my house as the powers that be have planned to put a speed hump outside my house which I think could be fun on Fred and Ginger! I will look out for your PM
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh lordy lordy, spot the blonde twerp, of course it's not in your hand as yet. :oops: I am sorry. :oops: :oops: PM sent. DD
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,276
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Slosh,its like one big family on here..like you say its helps so much to be able to talk to people that understand..good luck on your return to work..I am sure they will be tears but not a bad thing...let us know how you get on... :) xx
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I will do.
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good luck for tomorrow Slosh, I am really pleased for you on getting your blue badge every little thing helps make a difference. You also have been a great support to the forum since you joined as you understand how others are feeling, you know we are here for you anytime..............Marie x
  • Starburst
    Starburst Member Posts: 2,546
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I wondered if you were returning this week. I remember you saying you worked in a school. Well, I will definitely be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes. Wishing you luck. Take it easy, deep breaths and take it minute by minute if that's what it takes. Look forward to hearing how it goes.
  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Slosh
    Good luck for tomorrow.
    You say you've realised how far you've come when you were happy you had got your BB
    That's great.......you know this hip fracture I have {well not personally :lol: } I get so frustrated with it......its supposed to be acute and supposed to heal and it doesn't appear to be......7 months on and still on crutches. Then when I sit down and think what I can do now that I couldn't do just after it happened.....they might be small things but it makes me realise that I am moving forward all be it very baby steps :lol:
    So if you ever feel down about it.....sit down and think what you can do now that you couldn't do or how you have adapted certain things to do them your way now.
    Love
    Hileena
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you both
    Well remembered Starburst. This morning is our mandatory CP training, and one benefit of having been off is that I'm not having to deliver any of it! One of my many roles is CP lead for the school.

    Hileena111 thank you for your support as well, I know you are havig a difficult time with your hip fracture, it must be very frustrating not to say painful for you and I do hope it heals as soon as possible for you.

    Bag all packed including meds, boiled sweets as one has been increased and gives me a dry throat which aggravates my throat problem and one of those sticky air activated heat packs, I do have a wheat bag in school to use in my office but refuse to sit in front of over 100 people with it draped round my neck.

    Will let you know how it goes.
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm late but I'm thinking of you and I hope you have a good day, let time help your confidence grow and remember how great you are for being there, doing a very demanding job under very trying circumstances (((((())))))
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,413
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Slosh
    i hope you have a good day with not too many problems to cope with.
    take care
    joan xx
  • fortuna
    fortuna Member Posts: 149
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Chin up! We all wish you well.
    Fortuna
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well I managed it. It was a bit emotional and I felt a bit shaky once or twice and took myself off for a few minutes alone during the break as it wasn't exactly the return to work I'd been hoping for when I had my op. A couple of people I had been friendly with obviously found the situation difficult/embarrassing and just gave me a quick hello or did the "you look well" thing and ignored Fred and Ginger (very rude), but most of the people I spoke to were great and if they asked about F&G I was honest and briefly explained the situation. A couple of my Teaching Assistants very naturally looked after me in terms of getting me cups or tea and with getting me some lunch, it was a buffet today, and didn't make me feel awkward about this and a group of the younger teachers came and sat with me and welcomed me back.

    I came home after lunch as I'm gradually building up my hours and this afternoon the Head is going to explain about my need for one of the disabled parking spaces and I'm quite glad he's doing that in my absence.

    What I have realised is that as much as the people I work with have to adjust to me going back as a disabled person, I have to adjust as well, and this is adjustment is emotional as much as physical.

    So I'm glad it's over, but I can still say it felt good to be back and I did get lots of hugs to welcome me.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,098
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Slosh, we have only provided – or tried to provide – a bit of space where you could be yourself and come to terms with all the upheaval you've had to undergo. I hope that we have been successful but I know that you have, coping so well, with si much, in such a short space of time.

    I remember still how I felt when I finally accepted I was disabled. And I'd had many more years to get used to it than you. I saw it as a chasm, separating the 'normal' people and the disabled ones and, somehow or other, I'd found myself on the wrong side.

    Well done on handling your day so well. Yes, everyone has to get used to you looking slightly different but being exactly the same. They will and they'll learn something very valuable from it.
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you for that Sticky. Not sure how well I did as shortly after that post I had a cry. Just had a lovely text from a friend at work who has said that if things get too much text her and she will come up to see me.

    I was a bit upset by the friend who seems to have dropped me, but I suppose that's life and my true friends are the ones who still see me and not the crutches.
  • Starburst
    Starburst Member Posts: 2,546
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Don't be too hard on yourself, Slosh. It was a big step for you and as you've said, you're going through a difficult process of reexamining your identity. For what it's worth, I still think you are you. I always say that am still with me with a side serving of disability. :wink: It's part of me but it isn't me. It's ok to have a cry - more than ok - I think it's perfectly understandable in your situation. Be kind to yourself and take it easy. (((Slosh)))
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you Starburst. I like your way of putting it, I was thinking that the pupils are much easier to deal with as they are just open about asking questions!

    As you say it was a big step for me and I must follow the advice I give to others and be gentle on myself. I'm just used to being the member of staff who supports others when they need it with the tissues and hugs and accept that sometimes now I need to be on the receiving end.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,098
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I've always maintained that arthritis is an excellent tool for sorting out the real friends. They become closer while the not-so-real ones gradually disappear. Not everyone can handle disability. She may just need time to get around to it. If not, let's just hope she never becomes disabled herself :roll:
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I agree. Very different to the attitude of one of my closest friends who responded to the news of my blue badge by saying we could start planning days out together! The really sad thing is that my sister is finding it very hard to come to terms with it.

    However I have just put my new found knowledge of disability related matters to good use (I'm going in later today so checked my emails), one of the teachers who considers herself to know it all has just requested catalogues on specialist tables as she is going to observe a child in her class who has a paralysed arm for a couple of days and then choose what table he needs! I explsined his current one was selected by a physiotherapist and only they or an Occupational therapist can make such a decision. I also gave her an interim solution.

    Now the fun starts!
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Slosh, I once got dropped by a group of friends due to a relationship break down. I moaned to one of my oldest friends about it and without a pause he looked at me and said 'but the world is full of people to make friends with, why feel sad for the ones you've lost? You don't know the ones you will make yet'. That has stuck with me and I live by it!

    I know in my office the people who I support tend not to be the people who support me. At times I feel a bit miffed about how I pour my attention on them when requested and get my back bitten in return but karma tends to sort them out when the time comes and the three guys (and they are the guys) who unrelentingly support me, stand up for me and remember me when I am not there, ask how I am doing and generally behave in a very unblokey manner towards me and my arthritis never ever fail to put a lump in my throat and a swing in my limp with their attitudes and support. Sometimes it is tricky to sit back and take the support but they give it so readily that there's no need to not take it if that makes sense.

    As for relatives struggling, I've had arthritis for 14 years, my Dad in the last 18 months or so has started to ask questions and try to understand it. My brother doesn't even acknowledge it and if I talk about it quickly changes the subject. Sometimes they just don't want to acknowledge things have changed and a bit of me wonders if sometimes they think either 'I hope it isn't me next' or possibly more the case 'I'm glad it isnt me' and the guilt of feeling that puts up a barrier towards things. Possibly too, they are terrified about what is happening to somebody they love, especially if you are a younger sister.
  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi LV
    I love that

    he looked at me and said 'but the world is full of people to make friends with, why feel sad for the ones you've lost? You don't know the ones you will make yet'. That has stuck with me and I live by it!

    What do you do about relations {in laws at that}
    I've a very supportive husband and he's from a family of 4, all have partners, all have kids, and most of the kids have kids.
    We rarely see them although we aren't far away....never come over etc We see them at Boxing day where we take it in turns to have the party {my turn this year}
    We also usually have a "Family day out" once a year......I could quite happily do without that but my husband is so supportive and its his family. This year {last week} we went to a Forest, visitor centre, café, picnic area, etc etc.
    I'm on crutches because I still have a fracture 4 weeks post THR {7 months ago} so cant do very much. Most people sat on the grass....if I had...I would never have got up again :lol: So I had a chair with me......Lovely day weather wise.....but I kept getting left on my own while they all took kids down to the river, or to the playground {I might not have been able to make it because it was rough but no one asked. :x } One of the nieces had a new baby......she was on the ground....I couldn't sit on the ground to see it, I couldn't stand without crutches to hold it....did anyone bring the baby over to me...NO....just little petty things like that.
    Don't know what you do about that
    I'm sorry Slosh......I've take over your thread. :|
    Love
    Hileena
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think sometimes we arthritics, and I imagine this definitely applies to somebody as positive and brave as you are Hileena, get used to coping and not making a fuss and if not hiding our problems, not shouting about them.

    Because we don't make a fuss I think people sometimes don't realise that we are missing the fun or that we don't join in because it isn't possible. I think people also don't know what to do or people just forget to take different needs into consideration or expect you not to mind that you can't join in. Shout I guess is all we can do! Ask for a bit of consideration and tell people you can't join in. If that doesn't work, next time there is a family day out just tell your OH to go alone, explain why and then book yourself a fab day somewhere doing something you can and will enjoy :D
  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi LV
    I like your ideas :lol:
    I did try to get out of going and hubby said "you always try to get out of going places with my family" and was a bit hurt I think.......So its because of him I go and tell myself its only one or maybe two days in a year and it will get over.
    I have said quite a few things to him since that day and I think he has realised at last. So he might not be as against me not going the next time as he has been.
    I will shout...or try to :wink:
    Boxing Day at our house....I'll let them get on with it. Peter loves cooking so he'll be sorting that out, they will all bring some bits and pieces. They are all very "game orientated" so let them bring the games and organise them......if I get fed up I'm in my own house I'll disappear upstairs and not care what they think.
    Love
    Hileena
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm lucky in that even Mr LV doesn't want to spend time with his family :lol: and as they live on the other side of the world the issue doesn't arise too often (thank goodness). That said, you could always take a leaf from my mother in laws book, she objected to a trip to the zoo for the twin's first birthday but as we ignored her came along anyway and spent the day like a wet cloud huffing behind us, that means none of us ever want her to come back over for their birthday! It worked for her so long as you don't mind that kind of fame.
    I think you more than have a good reason to avoid further events if they aren't a little more tailored to your needs. Which member of the party would enjoy themselves if they were pretty much left out of it all? Nobody looks forward to that, I think if I felt obliged due to a bit of other half pressure then I would compromise on going every other time, so once a year/ once every other year.

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