DD's Miraculous Tripe Therapy

stickywicket

Yes, it's true. You saw it first here on AC.

Our wonderful DD, weary of pain, meds, pain, fatigue, pain, stiffness, pain, snake oil theories and pain has been inventing. Today she announced on one thread that she was on “tripe therapy”. (OK, we all know this was a typo but maybe, just maybe, she has unwittingly stumbled on something profound - at least to cows.)

Therefore we are pleased to announce the new Cure-All-Arthtritises treatment – tripe. Naturally, this is not your common-or-garden cheapo tripe available at any butchers. (Where would be the profit in that?) Oh no. This is Supertripe, available only from the Dreamwicket / Stickydaisy Emporium and digitally enhanced with the herbal supplements and vitamins of your choice. (Don't forget to douse it liberally in cider vinegar.)

Supertripe is available as:

The all-too-familiar pill – in exceptionally impenetrable packaging - for all who like to stick closely to their usual routine

Supertripe gel for those with a preference for muck-spreading

Supertripe bandage for seekers of instant sympathy

Supertripe plasters, impregnated with silver to promote faster healing for the exceptionally gullible

Supertripe liquid available in 15mls, 30mls, 45mls and, for the really bull-headed, 100mls for weekly injection into the buttock of your choice (not necessarily your own).

And, not forgetting, the standard Vocal Tripe which the purveyers regularly speak.

(A special SuperHaggisTripe will shortly be available to our Scottish customers.)

Roll up! Roll up! Roll up! Place your orders now. This is offaly good stuff.

mig

Can I be first to order the super haggis tripe,I'm assuming IT will be available to discerning English folk.


Used to have tripe and onions when we were kids. Mig

theresak

Boomer13

I'm looking specifically for certified organic, artisanal tripe, I hear this is the best kind. Do you have this? Will it cure me?

dreamdaisy

As a rather surprised partner in this tripe business I can assure every reader that our tripe is organic, sourced only from artisan cows, artisan farmers and artisan butchers. It will be supplied in artisan and organic packaging too. We specialise in tripe of the highest quality (just read the blurb on our website which we are still creating, well, one of us is) but cure you? Not a chance but you will feel that you are doing something so positive towards beating your disease that you won't care and will set up direct debits to ensure your constant supply of utter tripe. DD

PS Sticky? We're onto a winner here! GET IN!

Slosh

Sounds as plausible and as unpleasant as other "miracle cures". Looking forward to seeing the two of you on Dragon's Den.

stickywicket

Nice one, DD. (Or should that be Artisan Organic DD?) I like the Direct Debit. Nice touch. The fish are biting the tripe

Mig - Oh we like discerning' customers, mig. 'Discerning' is always good for an extra £5. Would you like it gift-wrapped or delivered by Healthcare at Home?

theresak

What are you thinking of combining the tripe with, since three drugs at once seems to be the way to go now? Haggis and foie gras perhaps?

phoenixoxo

Hello Stickydaisy Emporium,

Thanks for alerting everyone to this exciting new development in the field

Now, I've been googling everything to do with 'tripe and arthritis' and I read that the best therapy is the 'tripe triple therapy', since ingredients work best when three products are utilised together. Therefore, I'd like to order your tablets, gel and liquid (45ml) and I look forward to receiving my complimentary tripe aromatherapy candle :shock:

Best wishes,
Daft Bird

dreamdaisy

Of course you can have a candle, our version is probably best burned outside in the summer to keep all manner of flying nightlife, including aircraft, at bay. It is blithely assumed by Sticky and me that the more of our quality produce you swallow, inject, rub, apply (or in the case of the candle, reluctantly inhale) the better the 'results' will be. Especially for her and me.

Sticky? I think it best of all the DD payments head straight for the DD bank account - - then I'll forward your share.

stickywicket

Tezz and Phee - we like the idea of Triple Tripe Therapy and will get onto that straightaway.

Supertripe Aromatherapy Candles and Supertripe Reed Diffusers will soon be the next big thing in the battle against Arthritis Lite.

DD - re the Direct Debits. You know I trust you implicitly but I think we need a proper business account here as our tripe could go viral.

mig

Think it would be better gift wrapped should be fresher when it arrives.
Could i be treasurer ? I'm very honest ,reliable and could not be bribed 8) Mig

dreamdaisy

Of course you are. 8) Would you like custard with your triple tripe? DD

stickywicket

I shall have to confer with my partner about this (and the custard) but I'm afraid it doesn't sound to me as if you have the right qualifications for the job, mig.

(Memo to DD – 'honest, reliable and not 'bribable'?' What sort of an enterprise does she think this is :shock: )

dreamdaisy

Obviously she thinks it's legit., Sticky, so is perfect for our requirements. DD

barbara12

I see there are no prices... is this a scam :? ..if not I will have the silver impregnated plasters please....is it bog off, if so can I have the liquid form for buttocks...I see that Mig wants to be treasurer ..just bear in mind she likes to go on cruses.

dreamdaisy

Barbara honey, would we scam you? :? Of course we wouldn't, this is all artisan, free-trade and organic tripe of the highest quality. DD

PS. Sticky? Are we gonna scam the lovely B?

theresak

It all sounds just a wee bit nefarious to me - but then, if it really takes off and people are buying it by the bucketload, well, the sky`s the limit.

I can just see all the rows of mugs on the shelves - "KEEP CALM AND EAT THE TRIPE."


Tezz x

daffy2

You will doubtless be releasing the research data shortly, but I'm assuming the modus operandi is a form of aversion therapy, with the arthritis agents finding the tripe so unpleasant that they depart.
I would imagine that nausea is at the top of the list of common side effects listed in the PIL insert for the oral form of the therapy.

daffy2

the sky`s the limit.

touch of tripe hype there methinks

theresak

theresak

How about tripe vinegar? Some folk think cider vinegar will be a cure - tripe vinegar will surely pack a mighty punch.

Boomer13

I'm first in line to be Canada's rep. Counting on yearly cruise-retreats for the corporate team building, stress relief....

Certified GMO, MCD, ATB free, Raw, Organic, Artesenal from contended, happy cows, locally sourced and healing.....(etc....) Individual bovine life history included with every purchase, with optional photo of "your" cow.

How about fermented tripe.... :?: :idea:

LignumVitae

I'm on an elimination diet and therefore I wished to enquire about the availability of either topical triple tripe gel or triple tripe concentrated aromatherapy oil for my pulse points?

phoenixoxo

Woo-hoo! Sounds like it's all coming together

Only trouble is... I was so excited by the tripe hype, I forgot to enquire about prices. As Barbara mentions, perhaps a bogoff? (unless that was a reference to side effects, of course :?)

stickywicket

You are all completely bonkers. What a load of tripe!

Fuller answers tomorrow