Family fall-outs

Very sorry for the rant last night. I have a lot going on at the moment and could have done without what happened so felt very angry.

Sticky, my dad doesn't like change either really but he does remember who my aunts and cousins are and he has said every time I see him that it's ok for my aunts to stay. He even said he wouldn't expect them to stay anywhere else. I realise that he might tell my sister who cares for him that he doesn't want them to stay but she should have spoken up and said she thought it was too much for him. She should have spoken to our relatives and told them. Instead she kept quiet till it had all been arranged and then started saying they shouldn't be staying there. I suggested she contacts them now and asks them to make alternative arrangements but she said no, just leave it. As for our get together, I asked her what she thought about us meeting up. She assumed everyone would go to dad's house and was annoyed with me about it. I suggested using her house or even meeting in town so that there were no extra people at dad's but she said no, we need to ask dad if he wants them at his. If the thought of them all arriving is too much for him, I don't think we need to involve him. Our relatives will definitely understand as my aunt looked after my gran who had severe dementia so they know what it's like.

Thank you Chris. I feel as if I have been piggy-in-the-middle passing messages between my cousins and my sisters while there was no reason my sisters couldn't tell my cousins how they felt.

Maria, I think you have hit the nail on the head. My children (adults), my brother and some friends who I've spoken to think it is actually the partner of the sister who looks after my dad who is causing problems. She never liked my brother and I feel she has manipulated my sister in to cutting my brother off. And now she keeps talking about how much trouble he has caused by getting married and agrees with my dad if he has a bad day and can't remember my brother visiting him when my brother has been. So I think you are right that they are causing upset by doing this. It would be better to be positive with dad instead of negative. I think they have used some of his money and are using his credit card when they shouldn't. I also agree that they have got themselves so far in to this, they can't back out now.

We will still have a good time at the wedding. The only people who will miss out are my sisters and their children. Everyone else is going so my sisters will look rather silly because of their absence.

My sister sent an email to carer sister this morning. Not sure if she didn't realise that I was included (as I was in the messages last night) or if she intended me to see it. She was telling carer sister that she was fuming because I had decided to go to dad's so I could guide my cousins to my my house where they are staying. Apparently, I shouldn't go to dad's as there will be too many people. She said she was angry because I had arranged for everyone to meet up at dad's. I only asked them what they thought about meeting up and where we should meet. I kept saying 'What do you think?'

Sorry, I've written an essay again. And thank you so much for listening.

Hi Maria. Thank you so much for asking. Well I decided just to take a back seat and leave them to it. I was on F*ceb**k on the Thursday night and my sister had posted to my cousins that she thought we should all meet up at my house on the Friday evening. After my cousins had said that was fine with them, my sister then texted me to suggest it. :shock:

So anyway, that's what we did. The weather was warm and sunny so we sat in the garden till after dark and had a good laugh. My sisters were fine but, if they hadn't have been, they wouldn't have got to see our cousins and aunts.

The wedding was really good. Lovely service and very enjoyable reception which lasted all afternoon and on till nearly midnight. My sisters didn't go but we all had a great time. My sisters had arranged that one of them would pick dad up straight after the wedding itself but, when my cousin and I went to pick him up, he said there was no need for that. He would ask someone to bring him home when he was ready. (They had told me he'd said he would be embarrassed to do that.) He really enjoyed himself and it wasn't until early evening before he said he was tired and wanted to go. He even wandered off to the buffet table by himself and chatted with quite a few people he didn't know. There were a few pictures of him with a big proud smile looking at my brother.

On Monday, my sister put on F*ceb**k that she'd been over to see dad and he was very cheery and had said he'd really enjoyed the wedding. My brother left some cake with me for one sisterDidn't know how she'd react when I took it round but she accepted it and even said thank you. Some was left with dad for my other sister. Don't know what she said.

So we will see what happens next.

Maria, Cinderella sisters. Yes, I'm ok thanks.

Elizabeth, I see what you mean. You never know who is watching, do you? Yes, I think we do need to be careful to keep things simple and calm for dad. I was told I was making a big thing out of nothing when I told dad it was up to him whether he went to the wedding/reception or evening do. They were the ones who were all oooh he doesn't want to go/it'll be too stressful for him/ it's best he comes straight home after the wedding and doesn't go to the reception. The look on my sister's face as we left dad's house showed she seemed terrified of letting him out of her sight. Our whole family (me, my son and his wife, aunts, cousins and their adult kids) was there to look after him. Not much could have gone wrong. I don't think it's only his finances they are hiding but also anything which is said at hospital/doctor appointments and anything about his condition we should know. When you say my brother is causing trouble by getting married, I really do believe that is how they look at it. As if he shouldn't do it because of all the upset it would cause. Well there was no trouble and no upset. Dad enjoyed looking after baby Ruby for a few minutes while we went to the buffet table, he enjoyed talking to the other kids, he enjoyed going for the buffet ON HIS OWN and talking to people he'd not met before. I think maybe he's a bit too mollycoddled. They took over cooking for him thinking they were helping but that just gave him even less to do. Couldn't trust him to cook now as he forgets he's doing it.

Barbara, I know. I couldn't live with my self if I took money. I'm pretty sure they will feel as if they have missed out as all the rest of the family are now talking to my brother's new wife on F*ceb**k saying how much they'd enjoyed the wedding and general chit chat and having a giggle. They won't like that.

Thanks everyone.

Update. Dad has been receiving letters from the bank for a few weeks now saying that there are insufficient funds to pay several bills. Very strange as he had savings, has £200 going in every week and only spends £20 a week on bits and pieces. Last month, carer sister bought her grandson a garden swing set with swing, slide and seesaw, a 5 foot paddling pool (the 3 foot high sort) and a big trampoline with the safety net. Not bad considering she and her partner don't work.

My brother contacted the Power of Attorney office and asked them if anyone had power of attorney over my dad's affairs. He received a letter saying both sisters have it. My sisters didn't tell us about this. The POA office have also asked for more information because they want to investigate to see where the money has gone.

My other sister's 11 year old daughter had a stall at the school fete earlier this year. The head said it was ok for her to send the £50 she raised to the children's cancer ward. My sister gave me the money in exchange for a cheque as she was in the red with her bank. She didn't send it and told me last week that she'd ripped the cheque up and wanted the money back. I suggested giving her another cheque but she said her daughter wanted to phone the hospital and ask what she should buy them. If they don't want anything, they'll take the money to the hospital. My sister said she was worried that she would forget to post the cheque again.

While my sister went next door to carer sister's house, Dad said he wondered why my brother wasn't visiting. I said he wouldn't come on Saturdays as my sisters would ignore him. My sister walked in and said they weren't the reason my brother wasn't there. He just didn't wan to come. Oops, carer sister was out and other sister was standing outside listening.

Other sister put a post on facebook saying she was fuming because of family using her as an excuse. Guess she was talking about what I'd said. I think we are very close now to coming to blows. Just don't know how I will find out about dad's hospital appointments etc as dad doesn't seem to know why he goes or what is said.