Forum Vet.....

robertls

Right........

I'm here to offer.......(at a very competative price) advise on all pet health problems......

I charge at the standard rate......(measured in chocices)..

Please feel free to ask any questions.......

You will be given a quote (In above currency) before any advice or work is undertaken....

Nothing offered or suggested will of any practical use....

But it may cheer this place up.......

Castration a speciallity.......Using the 2 bricks method.......

Cat to Cockeral.....

Ferret to Fat bellied Pig....

Zebra to ......oh bum.........that other thing that begins with Z.....I remember.......Aardvark.....

Rob x QBE......

lupin15

Ah the two brick method my dad use to use his teeth....makes a bit of a mess but quite quick. Ohhhh you can always use the elastic band method but you would need someone to hold them down and bloody run like mad once you have finished.

joanlawson

Why does my cat ( Tommy Tucker ) bite the hand that feeds him? ( my hand :!: ) He is thoroughly pampered, given the best of everything a cat could wish for, but he still feels the need to bite me every now and then. He also waits until I walk by, and then jumps out and attacks my ankles. I still love him even so, but his teeth are very sharp.

Joan

mirabella

will bear you in mind when advice needed good to have vets on board I know a few men that need a couple of bricks used on them! would your services be avilable :?: Mirabella

robertls

lupin15 wrote:

Ah the two brick method my dad use to use his teeth....makes a bit of a mess but quite quick. Ohhhh you can always use the elastic band method but you would need someone to hold them down and bloody run like mad once you have finished.

I take my hat off to your dad....

Anyone who can castrate a fully grown bull with his teeth deserves a medal.......

Maybe even a 'Chufty Badge'.....

Rob x QBE

dreamdaisy

Spiders. Why? And how? DD

robertls

joanlawson wrote:

Why does my cat ( Tommy Tucker ) bite the hand that feeds him? ( my hand :!: ) He is thoroughly pampered, given the best of everything a cat could wish for, but he still feels the need to bite me every now and then. He also waits until I walk by, and then jumps out and attacks my ankles. I still love him even so, but his teeth are very sharp.

Joan

Quote........2 choccy ices...

As you may...or may not be aware.......

Cats communicate with rhyming slang......

So............calling a cat Tommy Tucker......well.....

In a cats mind.....you damn well deserve being bitten....

As for your ankles..........Its what cats do.......

May I suggest shin guards......

Rob x QBE

robertls

mirabella wrote:

will bear you in mind when advice needed good to have vets on board I know a few men that need a couple of bricks used on them! would your services be avilable :?: Mirabella

Of course.......

I charge per Item........2 choccy ices per nut.....

Not all men are fully equipped.....

I of course have the usual number 3.........

Rob x QBE

robertls

dreamdaisy wrote:

Spiders. Why? And how? DD

Quote....1 choccy ice

How???

Why??

Please explain...........

Oh yes unspecified request incures an additional 6 choccy ice charge

Rob x QBE

joanlawson

robertls wrote:

joanlawson wrote:

Why does my cat ( Tommy Tucker ) bite the hand that feeds him? ( my hand :!: ) He is thoroughly pampered, given the best of everything a cat could wish for, but he still feels the need to bite me every now and then. He also waits until I walk by, and then jumps out and attacks my ankles. I still love him even so, but his teeth are very sharp.

Joan

Quote........2 choccy ices...

As you may...or may not be aware.......

Cats communicate with rhyming slang......

So............calling a cat Tommy Tucker......well.....

In a cats mind.....you damn well deserve being bitten....

As for your ankles..........Its what cats do.......

May I suggest shin guards......

Rob x QBE

What is the solution to the biting problem then :?: Should I change his name :?: Won't he have an identity crisis if I do :?: He is called Tommy Tucker because he sings for his supper. Shin guards aren't very fashionable this year.

lupin15

mirabella wrote:

will bear you in mind when advice needed good to have vets on board I know a few men that need a couple of bricks used on them! would your services be avilable :?: Mirabella

Yes no problem and i will check that dads teeth are in good working order. As for the me,n no problems ask them what colour brick preference they have and i will do my best.

lupin15

joanlawson wrote:

robertls wrote:

joanlawson wrote:

Why does my cat ( Tommy Tucker ) bite the hand that feeds him? ( my hand :!: ) He is thoroughly pampered, given the best of everything a cat could wish for, but he still feels the need to bite me every now and then. He also waits until I walk by, and then jumps out and attacks my ankles. I still love him even so, but his teeth are very sharp.

Joan

Quote........2 choccy ices...

As you may...or may not be aware.......

Cats communicate with rhyming slang......

So............calling a cat Tommy Tucker......well.....

In a cats mind.....you damn well deserve being bitten....

As for your ankles..........Its what cats do.......

May I suggest shin guards......

Rob x QBE

What is the solution to the biting problem then :?: Should I change his name :?: Won't he have an identity crisis if I do :?: He is called Tommy Tucker because he sings for his supper. Shin guards aren't very fashionable this year.

Spread butter on your feed that way he should lick you rather than biting.

robertls

joanlawson wrote:

robertls wrote:

joanlawson wrote:

Why does my cat ( Tommy Tucker ) bite the hand that feeds him? ( my hand :!: ) He is thoroughly pampered, given the best of everything a cat could wish for, but he still feels the need to bite me every now and then. He also waits until I walk by, and then jumps out and attacks my ankles. I still love him even so, but his teeth are very sharp.

Joan

Quote........2 choccy ices...

As you may...or may not be aware.......

Cats communicate with rhyming slang......

So............calling a cat Tommy Tucker......well.....

In a cats mind.....you damn well deserve being bitten....

As for your ankles..........Its what cats do.......

May I suggest shin guards......

Rob x QBE

What is the solution to the biting problem then :?: Should I change his name :?: Won't he have an identity crisis if I do :?: He is called Tommy Tucker because he sings for his supper. Shin guards aren't very fashionable this year.

As cats have 9 lives...they should have 9 names....

There brains are wired to accept that....so my only calling said feline by one name confuses it.....

Try calling it a different name every day......

Cats only attack 'ladies' of a certain age.....

To allieviate the problem....lie about your age...

Rob x QBE

Daisydo

My question isn't medical but behavioural .............
Why does my pampered pooch roll in anything and everything that smells disgusting? No amount of chicken,dog treats, squeeky toy or her favourite - cheese, can stop her when she is in the throws of ecstasy going for the initial head tilt, nose down, full body roll in the gruesome things she finds.
I love my dog to bits but it drives me crazy as she is a big furry lump and a nightmare to wash :shock:

robertls

Daisydo wrote:

My question isn't medical but behavioural .............
Why does my pampered pooch roll in anything and everything that smells disgusting? No amount of chicken,dog treats, squeeky toy or her favourite - cheese, can stop her when she is in the throws of ecstasy going for the initial head tilt, nose down, full body roll in the gruesome things she finds.
I love my dog to bits but it drives me crazy as she is a big furry lump and a nightmare to wash :shock:

Quote.......1 choccy ice....

They are trying to hide their own scent......

Instead of bathing the dog in something sweet smelling....

Stick it in the smelliest thing you can find.....

Hopefully the dog will do the opposite....

As they do.......

And find something 'nice' instead......

Rob x QBE

dreamdaisy

My apologies: that was a nasty attack of the inscrutables, I think it's passed now.

Right, 'why' as in why do they exist? And 'how' as in how to get rid of them? Luckily I have a new supply of choc-ices in the freezer!

QBE: does that mean 'quick- be educated'? DD

lupin15

rehab44 wrote:

Interesting pet note

Sharks only attack people who are wet! Fact!!!

And stupid if they are in shark infested water. Give a punch on the gills and tell them that there is a larger treat down the shore line.......he is short, wearing orange shorts and very red...can't miss him....

robertls

dreamdaisy wrote:

My apologies: that was a nasty attack of the inscrutables, I think it's passed now.

Right, 'why' as in why do they exist? And 'how' as in how to get rid of them? Luckily I have a new supply of choc-ices in the freezer!

QBE: does that mean 'quick- be educated'? DD

Spiders exist to make pretty webs that shimmer in the Autumn mists.........

That is their only function.....

How to get rid of them.......

Obviously kill all the flies, and they will starve to death.....

Rob x QBE.......Qualified by Experience....

Daisydo

As she is to be found reclining somewhere in the lounge, your suggestion isn't a practical option I'm afraid. I don't think my sensibilities could cope with eau de stinkypoo and she wouldn't be a hit with any guests I may have.
Back to the drawing board methinks.........................

queenfan

Hi Doctor Rob
This is a very embarrassing question :oops: but I need to ask a professional person like yourself, Why does my dog insist on cleaning his bits :oops: especially when we have company
Sue x

lupin15

GOD NOOOOOOOOO
Spiders are really good for you...leave cobwebs up it traps an.ll the mozz's nasty biting insects.
If you must get rid of them scare them away....
Put nice shiny conkers in the corners of every room. The spider will walk upto it and think it is another spider and bugger off.

Daisydo

queenfan wrote:

Hi Doctor Rob
This is a very embarrassing question :oops: but I need to ask a professional person like yourself, Why does my dog insist on cleaning his bits :oops: especially when we have company
Sue x

That was problem No 2 for my mutt........ is it less choc ices if we double up?

lupin15

Ah the cleaning themselves in front of guest.... Put them in the garden or the kitchen to avoid this. The reason they do it is to get your guest off the sofa out the house so they can have the sofa back....

robertls

Daisydo wrote:

queenfan wrote:

Hi Doctor Rob
This is a very embarrassing question :oops: but I need to ask a professional person like yourself, Why does my dog insist on cleaning his bits :oops: especially when we have company
Sue x

That was problem No 2 for my mutt........ is it less choc ices if we double up?

Of course we do discount for multipul questions......

Rob x QBE

dreamdaisy

Blimey, queenfan, Mr DD does that too - scary, isn't it? I think it's a territory/showing off thing. I hope the vet can help. DD

Daisydo

lupin15 wrote:

Ah the cleaning themselves in front of guest.... Put them in the garden or the kitchen to avoid this. The reason they do it is to get your guest off the sofa out the house so they can have the sofa back....

Sounds like you have met my pooch It's actually one of the things she doesn't do on the sofa as she knows it will get her forcefully removed so she waits till she is in her own bed or on the rug :roll: before attending to her personal hygiene.
She is oblivious to an audience