Forum Vet.....

robertls

lupin15 wrote:

robertls wrote:

The Practice will be open at 6.00 this evening...

I've spent all day with my hand up a cows back passage....

But enough of my passtimes...

Better do some work now......

Nurse Lupin will be assisting me......

Rob x

Opps forgot to tell you at Parish meeting tonight....yawn yawn but someone has to do it. You are on your own i am afraid...don,t forget the cake addicted cat...... any ideas?

Staff........damned poeples.......

I've been thinking about cat cake.......mmmmm..

Tastes just like chicken.....

Rob x QBE FOBS

lupin15

robertls wrote:

lupin15 wrote:

robertls wrote:

The Practice will be open at 6.00 this evening...

I've spent all day with my hand up a cows back passage....

But enough of my passtimes...

Better do some work now......

Nurse Lupin will be assisting me......

Rob x

Opps forgot to tell you at Parish meeting tonight....yawn yawn but someone has to do it. You are on your own i am afraid...don,t forget the cake addicted cat...... any ideas?

Staff........damned poeples.......

I've been thinking about cat cake.......mmmmm..

Tastes just like chicken.....

Rob x QBE FOBS

Ummm you are a real pest i keep telling you not to eat the pets. What colour was this one... quick quick no one is here i will have a look for a replacement while i am out..lots of feral cats across by the beck. I have counted all the pets in the back so no snacking when i am gone.

annie_mial

I wondered why he kept asking for sugar for the mice!

Annie

tjt6768

lupin15 wrote:

tjt6768 wrote:

I urgently need a vets advice, my cat is addicted to Christmas cake, I caught him last night in a real dodgy part of town trying to score some 'C-Cake' as the kids call it. We've tried the intervention style approach but he was wise to that and sent a doppelganger in his place. Don't get me wrong, he was a very pleasant doppelganger and had no lust for the devil cake. Please advise..
Tony (junkie cat owner extraordinaire)

Hi Tony
Had sleepless night worry about your cat and think the only solution is for your cat to go into Rehab....no not to Rehab.
The temptation this time of the year is just too high and to give him any chance of getting clean he will not be out for several months.He will also have to change friendship groups as he is obviously hanging around with the wrong kind of cats. Moving also maybe an option but leave that as a last resort. I will check with the yet to see what he thinks as he may have some other ideas like removing his taste buds...drastic i know but will get back to after surgery later this afternoon.

Hi lupin, we tried to make him go to rehab once but, he said, no, no, no.. I think he'd seen it on top of the pops or something.. I reckon the taste buds thing may be an option though, will it be done through key hole, or will Rob actually actually enter the room to do it? :?

lupin15

tjt6768 wrote:

lupin15 wrote:

tjt6768 wrote:

I urgently need a vets advice, my cat is addicted to Christmas cake, I caught him last night in a real dodgy part of town trying to score some 'C-Cake' as the kids call it. We've tried the intervention style approach but he was wise to that and sent a doppelganger in his place. Don't get me wrong, he was a very pleasant doppelganger and had no lust for the devil cake. Please advise..
Tony (junkie cat owner extraordinaire)

Hi Tony
Had sleepless night worry about your cat and think the only solution is for your cat to go into Rehab....no not to Rehab.
The temptation this time of the year is just too high and to give him any chance of getting clean he will not be out for several months.He will also have to change friendship groups as he is obviously hanging around with the wrong kind of cats. Moving also maybe an option but leave that as a last resort. I will check with the yet to see what he thinks as he may have some other ideas like removing his taste buds...drastic i know but will get back to after surgery later this afternoon.

Hi lupin, we tried to make him go to rehab once but, he said, no, no, no.. I think he'd seen it on top of the pops or something.. I reckon the taste buds thing may be an option though, will it be done through key hole, or will Rob actually actually enter the room to do it? :?

I know i am so sorry about this it is this cat phobia he has....he is seeing someone about this shhhhhhh don't tell anyone. Mums the word. Next step is to actually to get him to step into the surgery.

tjt6768

Does that mean he's a scaredey cat? Lol
Tony

Wonkylegs

Dear forum vet,

I wonder if you can help me with a problem I have?

It concerns my owner, who I am afraid is becoming quite difficult to manage. She will insist on dragging me out of my bed (which she constantly tells me is actually her bed :roll: ), when I've just got it warm and comfortable, in order to take me for a walk. She does this whatever the weather - despite my reminding her constantly that I do not, under any circumstances, go out in the rain!

However, should I decide that I am in need of a good brisk stroll to pick up my pee-mails and send a few messages of my own, then the reception I receive is rarely a good one. I am tired of hearing 'it's not time' or even worse .... 'I'm busy you'll have to wait' :shock: it really is shocking.

I have tried numerous ways of persuading her that I am right .... a friend on this forum has taught me very many different tactics for dealing with humans (thanks slipperboy ) but I'm afraid at the moment these are not working.

Please please do advise me of how I can improve matters.

yours in desperation
Miss Littlelegs

lupin15

Ahhh Miss Littlelegs
I know how hard owner can be to train and they do have this funny attitude about owning items like beds and chairs etc. Silly people have no idea about the finer things in life like crawling under the throw on the chair in the front room just after they have washed it... just love the smell.
Right back to how to train your owner tactic to avoid getting up to early in the morning.
HIDE under the bed....but this must be in the middle were she cannot reach you and refuse to get out until it suits you....groul if necessary to warn her off, show teeth.
Hold your leg up and limp...this is a real winner but remember to always limp on the same leg or she will catch on. This may only work for a few days before she take you to the vets...so be careful.
Just stay lying on the floor dead lifeless like...again this is a dodgy one may take you to the vets were they are likely to stick needles in you, shove a things up your **** so think carefully before using this one.
If all else fails leave home and find another owner.
Good luck.

dreamdaisy

Hello Nurse Lupin, I have a problem with an infestation of ladybirds, no, not ladyBOYS, ladyBIRDS. My hall is currently housing about thirty, clustered round the kitchen door (warmth from cooking attracting them? Even tho it's me cooking?) and in the bedroom about fifty, shared amongst all four corners. Even I know that applying the Dyson is wrong, I guess they are here to roost or whatever ladybirds do, any idea when they will burger orf? DD

lupin15

Hi ladybirds are a gardens friend and most ladybirds do not live more than one year. The adults hibernate in sheltered, dry places or under leaves in warmer places. When the weather is getting warm they awake and start flying searching for lice filled plants.
I would suggest that you move them into a box and either put them in your garage or your shed so they are sheltered from the weather for the winter. I am sure you don't want the ladybirds having sex all around your house????

Wonkylegs

Dear Nurse Lupin

thank you for your excellent advice. I will bear in mind all that you suggest ...... especially the warnings about taking things too far and then having to visit the vets :shock: :shock: I have done enough of that already this year thank you very much :roll:. :?: why is it that vets seem incapable of seeing me without sticking either a needle or a thermometer into me ?

I have to say that your last suggestion rather upset me though as it reminded me of how I arrived at this home ..... I was lost and scared all alone wandering the streets. the dog warden found me and took me to a very scary place with lots of other dogs. I didn't do other dogs then ...... and I was very sad. However these two humans visited me and, because I had got a friend to write out my story for me, they seemed to take pity on me. Of course my impeccable manners and breeding must have had a part in their decision. Even then they must have been able to detect my great intellect

perhaps, after all, this home isn't as bad as I thought this afternoon. I do get food (though never enough of it) and a cuddle whenever I demand it, not to mention the treats and toys

maybe I'll try and train them for a bit longer

thanks again

Miss Littlelegs

dreamdaisy

Ladybirds having sex in my house? At least something is! Right, I will find a box and see if I can transfer them - step ladders will be involved which will make life interesting! I shall put them in the shed, labelled, so they don't get thrown out by Mr DD!

lupin15

Great poor little things only live one year and once they have done the deed laid the eggs it curtains for them...Glad i am not a ladybird.

dreamdaisy

They are in the shed. I hope they survive! DD

robertls

Due to an unfortunate accident with a Shetland pony mare, and an AI syringe, the Vet is temporarily out of action....

Police were called, but no charges were made.....

However the Vets right hand take some time to heal....

Rob x QBE FOBS

robertls

Right..........We are back.......

Vet. Nurse Lupin and My good self......

back on form...

I had an emergency at an Oyster Farm.....

Lots of sick looking Clients.....

I'm glad to say I've eaten ......ooppps.......errr....Treated each and every one.......

Tasted just like chicken......

Now where has that woman gone...........LUPIN............

We have a Drunken Hedgehog, needs treating......

Rob x QBE FOBS

lupin15

robertls wrote:

Right..........We are back.......

Vet. Nurse Lupin and My good self......

back on form...

I had an emergency at an Oyster Farm.....

Lots of sick looking Clients.....

I'm glad to say I've eaten ......ooppps.......errr....Treated each and every one.......

Tasted just like chicken......

Now where has that woman gone...........LUPIN............

We have a Drunken Hedgehog, needs treating......

Rob x QBE FOBS

[/quote

Note to all clients please excuse the terrible smell as the vet has had a very bad case of the back door trots....cork now in place so for god sake do not stand behind him...you maybe shot.
Just rushing out to get some nice smellies to try and get rid of some of the smell. Also wear warm clothing as all the windows are open. See you at clinic.

(Right i have told you about putting down milk brandy and bread...it is not good for them.....they must have dogs food and leave the brandy out!!!!!) This is the third time this week he has been in. any more and i will have to report you.....pack it in.

lupin15

very quiet at the moment. I am quite pleased because it means there are no poorly pets.

tjt6768

Mine is not poorly but he will be if he doesn't shut up, can you help with a snoring cat?? Things I have to hand that may help:

Some twine (not sure what number on the list cat parafinalia is)
A hammer
Some jammy dodgers (please note that throwing these will NOT be an option..
My grabbing aid
Walking stick
One sock that didn't get put in the wash basket
Some fluff from under the bed that has just popped it's head out..

Please Mr Vet and nursey, you gotta help me...
I think he's been at the christmas cake again, his nose is bright red and he reeks of whiskey!

A very desperate
Tony

lupin15

tjt6768 wrote:

Mine is not poorly but he will be if he doesn't shut up, can you help with a snoring cat?? Things I have to hand that may help:

Some twine (not sure what number on the list cat parafinalia is)
A hammer
Some jammy dodgers (please note that throwing these will NOT be an option..
My grabbing aid
Walking stick
One sock that didn't get put in the wash basket
Some fluff from under the bed that has just popped it's head out..

Please Mr Vet and nursey, you gotta help me...

Hi will have to get back to you later the hedgehog is in a terrible state in the process of sending to rehab???????? will get back to you later.
I think he's been at the christmas cake again, his nose is bright red and he reeks of whiskey!

A very desperate
Tony

tjt6768

Good luck with the hedhog, I know how billigerant they can be after a few jars.. Angry drunks them spikey ones..

Tony

PS, he's starting to snore again

tjt6768

I ended up putting the fluff into the sock, tying the twine around the top of the sock in a rather elaborate manner, ate a couple of jammey dodgers while I had a break, gingerly took the then prepared sock in the very tips of the grabbing aid, got up, using my walking stick limped toward him, quietly so's not to wake him?! Then hit him with the hammer and put the sock in the bin.. SO now he's stopped snoring, any advice on reviving an unconcious cat? Ad, anyone want an odd sock??

Tony

tjt6768

Oh no, he's quite alive, luckily I managed to catch him on the piece of shrapnel he has in his had from 'Nam..
He's an old cat :shock:

lupin15

My god what have you lot been upto???????
First you have to stop the cat from having any alcohol that is what causes the snoring 9 of 10 times. If it is in the cake you will just have to buy one without.
Make his sleep on his side you can do this by attaching a coat with marbles attached to one side...sleeping on the left side is normally the best but feel free to try the right side if that does not work OR you could bring him in and we can burn out his adenoids and possible remove his tonsils?
Now the vets had his eyes tested and got his new glasses, he will know which end is what now!!!!!
Let me know what you what to do and i will book him in asp if none of this things work. Have you tried ear plugs??(Thats for you not the cat)

tjt6768

Hi Nurse, I tried the earplugs first, those little sponge ones? They didn't work and to be honest they were really hard to swallow :shock: