I am my own worst enemy

stickywicket

I wish I could say something useful and helpful but I can't so I'll shut up. ((()))

Alas, to acquire 'hearing that switches off between the hours of 11pm and 5.30am' would require major surgery though, if Mr LV continues with his less than helpful diagnoses of paranoia etc you may wish to contemplate the essential changes that would enable his own hearing to improve

Starburst

Ooooh LV, I wish I knew what to say. ((((hugs)))) It must be hard enough work with two little ones running around, let alone two poorly girlies and arthritis to boot in their mummy. Do you have Homestart in your area? They're fab and might be able to give you some time off, especially when things aren't so easy.

Be kind to yourself. xx

LignumVitae

Thank you both. Summer and I had another dreadful night and Mr LV not only switched his hearing off but also snored really loudly which upset Summer (and me) all the more and led to even less sleep. I kicked him out of bed in the end, it seemed the only fair thing to do. I then dosed Summer with calpol and me with codiene and we both managed a couple of fitful hours sleep. This morning before he left for work I didn't really speak to him and then sent him a polite email explaining that he really had to do a night of getting up because I really can't deal with no sleep. I am working from home today so at least it is a quiet day and the job I am on is something where I can choose to do easy bits which I will. I shall do no cleaning or cooking today and have allowed myself one task which was turning some of my sourdough starter into the beginning mix of a loaf. I feel desperately bad but I probably would have done with either poorly Miss Scarlets or with a flare and withdrawing from steroids, with both coinciding the feeling dreadful is to be expected really. Ah well, as the Labour party sang in 1997, things can only get better (hopefully).

stickywicket

I hope they will. I think, just below the surface of most males, lies a sleeping caveman. They still see themselves as hunter-gatherers and, such is their importance to the welfare of the entire household, they should not be required to do any additional tasks eg caring for their sick progeny at inconvenient times. Yours currently has three poorly females on his hands. However important his work, they are of prime importance too.

You have a good plan, LV. Stick with it but rest whenever you can. If the girls sleep, then drop all and sleep with them. Ultimately you'll achieve more that way

Slosh

Agree with Sticky. Housework can wait. Sleep as and when you can, order take away, or ask Mr LV to cook and explain you can't do it all. Have you a spare room that you or he could sleep in if his snoring is disturbing you, there is nothing worse than being kept awake by a snoring partner.
Really feel for you as you are really going through it at present.
Hope things for you and the girls improve soon and in the meantime look after yourself and only do what has to be done.

ichabod6

Hello lv,

For you things will get better.
Not only do you tell your stories well, you have the
right approach.
Please give the twins a kiss from uncle Ichabod.

stickywicket

Thinking of you all. I hope there is some improvement, in the scarlet fever and the demands it imposes if not in the arthritis.

Slosh

Just wanted to check in with how things are going. Hope at least you are managing to get some more sleep and remember. Housework can wait. Your health is far more important. As my Mum once said to me. Happy children and a tidy house do not go together.

villier

Hoping things are improving for you all, thinking of you (((()))).............Marie xx

LignumVitae

Kisses given from their Uncle Ichabod, they send them back, although you might not want them, they tend to come with freebies like crumbs and other less delightful goodies!

Thank you all. I'm really not great and no matter how hard I distract myself or hide myself away or read endless Gruffalo and other stories I can't quite hide from how rubbish things are . Today I've made a ginger cake and some sticky buns whilst looking after two poorly and grumpy toddlers. Why? Why have I stupidly pushed myself again? I have no idea, I did spend a pointless period of time arguing with myself that how I feel is normal and I'm not actually in a flare. Pointless because this isn't normal and I am in a flare and my hands don't work properly, my feet and ankles and elbows hurt and I'm still doing stupid stupid things!

On a brighter note the girls are getting better but (you might recognise this) they sometimes forget they are recovering and get too silly, tire themselves out and then get quite grumpy and tired. I'm getting good at recognising when that's happening and stopping it escalating into wobblies. In them that is, apparently not in myself :oops:

stickywicket

LignumVitae wrote:

Today I've made a ginger cake and some sticky buns whilst looking after two poorly and grumpy toddlers. Why? Why have I stupidly pushed myself again? I have no idea, I did spend a pointless period of time arguing with myself that how I feel is normal and I'm not actually in a flare. Pointless because this isn't normal and I am in a flare and my hands don't work properly, my feet and ankles and elbows hurt and I'm still doing stupid stupid things!:

I think you answered your own question, LV. There's an element of 'If it can't be made reasonable then I'll just have to carry on as normal'. But, as you then realise, that's not an option either :roll:

I think you need more meds and asap. What's the plan / timescale? I'm sorry, I've forgotten :oops: (((())))

LignumVitae

Thank you Sticky, I think you just managed to do what I am incapable of doing and rationalised my irrational behaviour. The longer it goes on and the less I know what the hospital might do (nothing?) the more I think I need to just put my best foot forward. Things are a right mess today after my frenzy of yesterday and I feel really agitated but I think that is just panic about the whole mess and it's seemingly perpetual nature.

We didn't even need cake, Mr LV is on a diet again :roll: and I just ended up putting loads of it in boxes and giving it away. My nurse called this week, I was supposed to be reviewed by the end of August but that has turned into the first week of September. I hope it comes true. I'm off the steroids by a week now and just on meth and celebrex and whatever over the counter sweeties I need to make me sleep. I spoke to my GP and he seemed to think I was quite sweet asking if it was OK to take a couple of codeine at night but I would rather take none.

barbara12

Hello LV I have just looked for my post and it has gone..sorry I am not ignoring you...blame my meds please..
Sorry you are having a rough time and not surprising with all you have on, but Im with Ichabod..you have the right frame of mind to come through this..yes you do silly things don't we all, its called not giving in..so glad to hear the girls are feeling better ..hopefully this will help, or will it you rest whenever you can..bet you are sick of hearing this :oops: ...(((())) xx

stickywicket

If I could 'rationalise your irrational behaviour' where you couldn't it's because I am muddling along quite well with just Mr SW (and a never-ending stream of friends and rellies) to look after whereas you are in the middle of a serious flare with two adorable-but-unwell toddlers (plus a bloke :roll: ) to look after. It's akin to being in the eye of the hurricane. You can convince yourself that it's all OK whereas actually it's all about to kick off again.

When we're tired beyond belief and in serious pain, but with no option but to carry on because of the little ones, we don't think rationally. We convince ourselves the pain isn't that bad. (It can't be can it because I made the ginger cake and sticky buns :? ) It is that bad. You need help and you're going to have to call on any reserves of energy you have left and use it to get the help. I expect you agreed to the postponement of the appt because you felt sorry for an overworked nurse / rheumatologist. I laud you for that but I'd guess that people with less on their plate than you who shout louder and more angrily will fare better. Perhaps you could ring back and say OK, first week of Sept. but no later and, at that appointment, something must change because your current situation is intolerable.

(That's me being hard and firm. This is me being soft and squidgy (((()))))

Slosh

Just want to echo what Sticky has said. I have a feeling your Mum's words about not giving in are still niggling away at you.
Is there anyway once they are well enough she could have the twins for a day, or maybe to stay over to give you a chance to have a good REST without them around. Also, wowcher and those sites often have housecleaning deals, even if you don't want to do that regularly it might be an idea when you are having a flare.

ichabod6

Hello lv,

Please remember that in the various relationships with your
health workers YOU are the senior partner.
Use that status and put yourself at the very front.
On another point I am a great believer in self management And
I reckon pacing is one of the best if not the best tools to use.
If you wish I will pm you with loads of information and other bumf.

LignumVitae

Thank you all for your suggestions and help. It means a lot because I feel a fool for messing myself up and I think I'm not being very kind to myself and making things worse. All suggestions are gratefully received, they make me realise maybe I'm not the first person to make a mess of themselves like this!

Ichabod - that would be great, thank you. I used to be good at pacing but I think the girls and my guilt towards being rubbish for them has made me lose my ability and focus so something that reminded me how to do it might be good. Mr LV has to bark 'go and sit down' sometimes (and I'm very bad at obeying barked orders, or any orders really!).

Slosh - My mum has the girls when I work and we don't really have anybody else who we can turn to because everybody lives abroad or has small children or fears the prospect of baby sitting twins! I am quite happy to live in the mess of the house for now - Mr LV sometimes comments and I smile my 'go for it with the duster and vacuum' smile and then he doesn't comment again.

Sticky - that wasn't too hard! Thank you. I think I am very rubbish at dealing with nurses and doctors, I just get flustered and say 'oh OK'. When asked how I was I said rubbish but then explained the scarlet fever twin situation and ended by saying 'who wouldn't be rubbish with that?' I am my own worse enemy. I will resolve to go in and try to politely demand something change. My appointment is for Mr LVs day off so maybe if he comes I might be a bit braver.

Barbara - thank you, I just don't seem very good at resting even when I am falling to pieces! One day I will learn.

You are all truly wonderful and I'm not sure where I would be without you and your collective wisdom. Thank you so much

villier

Sorry I cant be of much help LV as you know that it is OA I have, you have certainly had a lot of wise words from the others all I can add is that you try and be good to yourself for a change I know it can't be easy with two unwell adorable little sprogs keep talking you know we are always here to listen, love Marie ((((()))))xxxxx

stickywicket

There's a vast difference between 'messing oneself up' and 'being in a mess' not of ones own making. You didn't ask for arthritis. It was pure gift :roll: All you're doing is trying to live with it as best you can. It's not easy and we're not infallible. Sometimes we get it wrong.

Do take Mr LV with you. It pains me to say it but often they take more notice of a bloke, no matter how ill-informed he might be. Take the girls too as visual aids This is what you have to deal with daily. Let them see.

How are things today? (((())))

barbara12

I agree with SW, I don't take my OH along to appointments apart form my Rheumy one because I get brain fog and cant write in shorthand.. it was a totally different appointment... :roll:hope today isn't to bad for you..xx

Slosh

If Mr LV can't go with you take a list of questions you want answered and if you have a smart phone use the voice recorder on it.
Hope today is a better one.

Numptydumpty

I'm sorry I have nothing to offer you except ((((()))))
I am thinking of you, and I hope things improve for you very soon.
Take care
Numpty

LignumVitae

Thank you everybody. Mr LV is keen to come with me (I think he will wants to stop me grinning and bearing things as soon as I see a medic). I'm having a bit of a rest today and is even taking the troublesome two out - this is how off the ball I am, we are clean out of baby wipes which is something I've never let happen before! They'll all enjoy a trip to the shops and I can have a sleep.

Thank you

stickywicket

I hope the bit of rest helped. I just popped in for a top up ((()))

villier

Me too ((((())))) xx enjoy the rest.