I am my own worst enemy

barbara12

LV I hope things are a little easier with the help, 45 years today I have been married and he is still learning.....(((())) xx

Slosh

Hope things went to plan and you were able to get some help with the girls. Thinking of you ((()))

LignumVitae

Thank you everybody. It's good to know that it isn't just Mr LV. He's never seen my arthritis this badly behaved and other than when I came off the meth to get pregnant he's never seen it so bad. Then it was still more controlled because of the steroids and because I wasn't dealing with the girls - plus the lack of control has a reason and an exciting purpose. He comes from what you'd politely call a dysfunctional family too so family dynamics aren't natural to him and where most men might need to be asked for help twice he will be three or four times (or more) before he really gets it. He's a trier though and after another chat on Saturday morning (he'd switched his hearing off again through Friday night's crying babies) I think it has got through. He has taken over the burden of the house and dogs finally and properly rather than just a cursory bit of doing so he can say 'I did that'. I'm being quite firm with myself not to do anything other than the necessary like sorting the girls and me.
The arthritis seems to be getting a real hold I assume as the last of the steroids leaves my system, hot, sore and stiff joints that seem to work less and less by the day. Ah well, at least that might mean they do something to help me on the 5th, I'm not hopeful though. Thank you all so much

dreamdaisy

Recently a friend told me that when she and her new-born son came home from hospital the little one was in a cot in the marital room. She would wake at the first yelp but the spouse would sleep serenely through even full-blown yells. Males are programmed very differently to females in this (and many other) regards but, if the relationship is working then those differences complement each other. In your case, however, in addition to him and the girls you have a third and utterly ghastly interloper, the RA.

This pig of a disease will always do what it wants, when it wants, how it wants and where it wants regardless of our wishes as its unwilling host. I daresay you factored in the disease 'resuming' after their birth and the troubles that it may bring but sometimes the sheer strength of it can take us by surprise. I for one think you are doing the right thing in taking care of you first - keep up that good work and keep reminding Mr LV (because he does live in Blokeworld) about the practicalities that he can do because he is their father - parents should share the rearing, after all it was a joint effort to create them. DD

stickywicket

I certainly hope they will do something but do take your man with you if at all possible. He'll fight your corner plus they do sometimes remember significant stuff that we have forgotten because it's become so 'normal' :roll:

I hope the weekend continues to go as well as possible.

barbara12

Hows things going LV ..I hope you have got some help then you can hopefully get some rest .xx

daffy2

This is such a difficult time for you LV, and I hope things start to improve before too long. I do think that there is perhaps something good that can come from this horrid period and that is getting MrLV involved in the practicalities. Looking after twins is hard work for anyone and it is unrealistic to expect that you can do it all yourself, all the time, so perhaps better to start the 'fatherhood' training now while the twins are small and arguably easier to handle than be thrown in at the deep end, with the terrible twos say, if your health flattens you for any length of time again.
Guilt comes with motherhood but as far as 'being a good mum' to the girls goes, remember that there are thousands of healthy mothers out there who don't give their children anything like the level of care, love and attention that you do. Also, the girls don't see any failings in you - partly because they are too young to perceive differences, but mainly because you are what they have always known - there is no right or wrong, better or worse, for them.

stickywicket

Keep plugging away, LV. ((()))

Starburst

Just checking in to see how you and the lovely girlies are? Thinking of you and got my fingers crossed for a good week for you all. x

Slosh

Same as above. Hope the weekend went well and that the "hubby" training is progressing smoothly

LignumVitae

Hello and thank you for thinking about me. Training is going quite smoothly, there have been one or two 'looks' such as these :x :shock: required to keep him on track but we are getting there. Slowly he is understanding that things need to be at hand and made easy for me rather than what makes sense to him which is often not very sensible anyway even if you don't have arthritis. He is 6 foot 3 so storing things on top of cupboards isnt an issue but for those of us that require a stool to get us up to the kitchen top where we can then stand and retrieve things by reaching on tiptoe to the cupboard top, that isn't an option. Arthritis isn't part of that equation!

I'm not good at all but I expect to suddenly perk up on thursday as I have a review with my nurse on friday . Summer, the slowest teether in the world, has decided to catch up with her sister and is cutting four molars at once :roll: . This has resulted in a chesty cold and lots and lots of crying and screaming. It's a nightmare (and again would be regardless of the arthritis) but it has made me realise how much I have to fight my corner on friday. Telling me I need to go away and do nothing and rest is just not an option. I'm not asking for help to run mountain marathons, just to be able to be a Mum to my girls and I think that surely should mean something other than trying to rest up. I know I need to do that but there has to be something they can do to help, surely?! Seriously, do you think I am being unreasonable asking for help to do that? Or is it OK for them to tell me I should be doing less? You all understand better than most and I would value your opinion. I know I need to be sensible and not go mad at making my own pasta and spending my days running around being a manic mum but surely I can do something other than lie on the floor reading to them and expecting help (in the form of meds of some sort that work) to be able to do that isn't too much? Or is it?

mig

Hope things go well for you on Friday ,I'm coming along in your pocket just so I can give you a nudge if you don't speak out. Good luck. Mig

Slosh

You can pop me in your pocket as well. Glad to hear the hubby training is progressing well. I have had similar conversations with my tall OH about the reason why certain things are where they are and he has stopped putting thongs away in high cupboards in the kitchen and has learnt not to bring downstairs or bin the various strategically placec carrier bags I have around the house.

I think you are perfectly reasonable in wanting a response other than rest, it's just not possible with two young children, I know there are times when we keep a diary of how we are, what abut keeping one about the girls and the things you have to do to look after them? People who don't have the experience of looking after young children often don't realise just how demanding they are.

stickywicket

Bloke training :shock: Blimey! What a task, LV! However, mine has made a little progress over the years. Two steps forward and one back, of course, but that's better than nothing. One thing that made a big difference was to rearrange everything, especially the kitchen, so that all the everyday stuff I was likely to need was at my very limited accessible level. Stuff we'd only want occasionally and / or when visitors were coming, has been put up top where only he can reach. A small concession – these top cupboards are his to do as he likes with hence there is neither rhyme nor reason in what goes where (other than 'there was a gap at the time') and he can never find anything until I have insisted three times that it's there somewhere. As is its lid. But not necessarily together. Anything we didn't have room for went - ruthlessly - or else something else went to make room for it.

LignumVitae wrote:

do you think I am being unreasonable asking for help to do that? Or is it OK for them to tell me I should be doing less?

Seriously, do you really need to ask that question? As long as you really are doing as little as possible, whatever your Mum may prescribe. However, if I ever hear you've made your own pasta I shall formally banish you from the Fun Arthritic Mums Association

daffy2

putting thongs away in high cupboards

Was he trying to tell you something about your choice of underwear?!
Kitchen wall cupboards are the bane of my life in my current house. Lack of storage elsewhere means I have to use them, but being 5ft2 and lacking an OH means I also have to do the stool thing to reach - double irritation as the kitchen is too small to keep a stepstool in so it lives folded up in the hall.

LignumVitae

Sticky, of course I spend all my spare time making organic free range pasta for my little gems, carefully shaped into characters from their favourite books

I think I'm just wondering whether I am asking too much to have things how they were a few months back and actually, I will just have to live with this horrible state of play. This is me getting ready for the disappointment of being told tough luck and don't disturb us which has been said to me and many others by a rheumy before and will be said again. Maybe I have just had a lucky run with the meth whilst it worked and I need to accept that was all it was rather than the normal that I enjoyed whilst it lasted.

Boomer13

I am sorry you are feeling down, LV. It's a nasty fact that a kind of negative feedback loop can start during a flare with internal stress making it all worse. I've never been been able to predict what my PsA is up to and it often surprises in either direction. I know how hard it is to feel positive.

You sound like you're really struggling having to meet the demands of parenting, marriage (spouse training is very hard work) all while in the grips of a flare. Be kind to yourself ((((())))))

stickywicket

This is the arthritis talking. It's not you. Post childbirth (And I think it is a factor with auto-immune arthritis) I never did remotely 'normal' ever again. You may need to settle for less than you had before but definitely not what you have now. Re-read this thread, LV. This is no way to live with two little ones unless all other avenues have been explored and have failed. Take Mr LV with you. He'll sort 'em out