Let's Just Do It

dreamdaisy

My knees are causing me some trouble today (feeling sick with the pain) so I would like to book myself in for a double kneecapping - sorry, double TKR - using some of Ron's finest woodwork. I'll bring a carpet needle and cooking string for the sewing up - who will do the stitching? On second thoughts would it be better to use a sewing machine? I don't want staples because I grizzle like a three year old when they are taken out which is very embarrassing. DD

mig

I can stitch if its a big needle ,I offer several designs, chain stitch is popular though it takes a while ,zigzag is best as no bits will stick out. Mig

daffy2

No worries Numpty, just replace the bottle in the medicine cabinet next time you're passing.

dreamdaisy

Mig - ummm, no bits of what will stick out? :? I rather like the thought of chain stitch, we'll go for that please. DD

Boomer13

If anyone is stitching me, I would prefer zig zag, please.

stickywicket

dreamdaisy wrote:

Mig - ummm, no bits of what will stick out? :? I rather like the thought of chain stitch, we'll go for that please. DD

We have an enormous old chain in the garden. Might that suffice? OK so it's rusty but wouldn't that help with iron levels?

Sorry about the new knees. Prefabkid seems to be taking an age to saw the wood to size. I'm starting to wonder if he's ever actually done this before.

dreamdaisy

He probably hasn't, perfecting one's 'technique' in the snug of one's local is not the same as doing it in real life but practice of any kind makes perfect, yes? I know that you, Sticky, will be my surgeon (and Numpty the bearded anaesthetist) which leads me to wonder . . . . where did you two practice? And (even worse) have you? :?

Doubtfully yours, DD

prefabkid47

stickywicket wrote:

dreamdaisy wrote:

Mig - ummm, no bits of what will stick out? :? I rather like the thought of chain stitch, we'll go for that please. DD

We have an enormous old chain in the garden. Might that suffice? OK so it's rusty but wouldn't that help with iron levels?

Sorry about the new knees. Prefabkid seems to be taking an age to saw the wood to size. I'm starting to wonder if he's ever actually done this before.

How could you doubt my woodworking skills............ :shock:
Have made many legs out of wood (though I admit none had knees!),unfortunately some legs did fall off so have invested in longer screws.However still cannot guarantee successful results (a disclaimer comes with every new joint)............
Ron

prefabkid47

dreamdaisy wrote:

My knees are causing me some trouble today (feeling sick with the pain) so I would like to book myself in for a double kneecapping - sorry, double TKR - using some of Ron's finest woodwork. I'll bring a carpet needle and cooking string for the sewing up - who will do the stitching? On second thoughts would it be better to use a sewing machine? I don't want staples because I grizzle like a three year old when they are taken out which is very embarrassing. DD

Hi DD
I think a sewing machine would be the best option.I suggest that it be fitted with a 'walking foot' (seems most appropriate).Can then decorate with a bit of free motion stitching (but remember to drop your feed dogs).
Does prefabkid have no bounds to his knowledge.......... :?:

stickywicket

prefabkid47 wrote:

Have made many legs out of wood (though I admit none had knees!),unfortunately some legs did fall off so have invested in longer screws.

Ron, I'm not going to attempt an answer as I'll only get myself banned from the forum

stickywicket

HAS ANYONE SEEN OUR ANAESTHETIST, NUMPTY?

Numpty, our resident anaesthetist, her sledgehammer and the cooking sherry have all disappeared and we now have a waiting list for ops. Ideally we'd like Numpty back (No chance on getting the sherry back :roll: ) but, in any case, a spare anaesthetist or two would come in handy for occasions when Numpty is..er...somewhat anaesthetised herself.

No great skills required. Would suit someone who enjoys rendering people unconscious and then twiddling knobs. If, in years past, you were adept at finding Radio Luxembourg on a wireless set you could do this rewarding work. (Please provide your own sledgehammer. Prefabkid might be willing to make one for you when he's not 'legging' it.)

Alternatively, just find Numpty. Please.

Numptydumpty

Humph! A girl takes a couple of days off to get her sledgehammer sharpened and she's in danger of losing her job!
I used my time off conscientiously trying to brush up on my knob twiddling skills. I looked on line for help, and quite a few strange sites came up. Naturally I studied them all in depth, and now think I'm back up to scratch
Sticky, I resent your comment "No great skills required". My sledgehammer handling is second to none, and took countless seconds of practice! It requires a good aim and ability to trust in gravity. Knob twiddling is not recommended for amateurs, I know, I've seen the videos!
I have more cooking sherry on order, so can resume (ab)normal service as soon as Sainzbriz deliver.
Numpty

mig

:shock: :!:

prefabkid47

Just an update on joint manufacture

We now have ample supplies of new knees,hips and ankles.Have taken on a partner to speed up production and share timber costs,it has been a joint venture................... :roll:

Also some of the staff have decided to finish off the joints by sanding them smooth and removing any 'sticky out bits',ie have formed a splinter group.................. :roll:

ron

mig

Can I borrow the sand paper to sharpen my needles. :? Mig

Numptydumpty

Ron could I borrow your tape measure please, I want to know how long to knock the next patient out for.
Numpty

prefabkid47

mig wrote:

Can I borrow the sand paper to sharpen my needles. :? Mig

Of course you can mig.........120 or 180 grade?
(would let you use my bench grinder,but unfortunately is in my shed and obviously no self respecting male would allow a woman into his shed,whatever next).......... :shock: :shock:
Ron

prefabkid47

Numptydumpty wrote:

Ron could I borrow your tape measure please, I want to know how long to knock the next patient out for.
Numpty

Numpty you must refer back to your lecture notes (or google)...
A tape measure (whether metric or imperial) is not necessary nor do you have to calculate the sledge hammer force required (whether in N/m2 or pascals etc).
Apply a medium clout,a further one will be signalled when the patient starts to scream and shout.............. :shock:
Ron

dreamdaisy

I am definitely a candidate for all and sundry to interfere with me (and me recalcitrant knees). Yesterday I made the HUGE (but utterly wonderful) mistake in 'walking' on Brancaster beach for around ten minutes (having done all the driving on Saturday). My crutches disappeared into soft sand beyond the height of the ice grippers (which is saying something) but, but, but: the sunshine, the wide skies, the distant sea - how could I not?

I am now sat in a dormer window, overlooking a classic North Norfolk creak: the tide is out, a skein of geese are flying across to their destination, there is not one human in sight (outside that is, inside there's a sleeping Spouse) and all is right in my world. DD

stickywicket

You guys are all a tonic for any ills. Thank you.

Woo hoo!¬ We have our anaesthetist back. And in devastating form, I see. AAARGH is so fortunate to have both you and Mig on its books with all weapons – sorry, surgical implements – honed to perfection. I'm wondering where exactly the sledgehammer is aimed at? I fear a few split skulls but no doubt they can be mended with Mig's impeccable chain stitching.

prefabkid47

dreamdaisy wrote:

I am definitely a candidate for all and sundry to interfere with me (and me recalcitrant knees). Yesterday I made the HUGE (but utterly wonderful) mistake in 'walking' on Brancaster beach for around ten minutes (having done all the driving on Saturday). My crutches disappeared into soft sand beyond the height of the ice grippers (which is saying something) but, but, but: the sunshine, the wide skies, the distant sea - how could I not?

I am now sat in a dormer window, overlooking a classic North Norfolk creak: the tide is out, a skein of geese are flying across to their destination, there is not one human in sight (outside that is, inside there's a sleeping Spouse) and all is right in my world. DD

DD
sounds idyllic.I think a good pint in the hand would complete the picture............
Hopefully spouse's sleep was induced by the sea air and not numpty's sledgehammer..........

mig

New supplies of sewing thread have just arrived we can now offer 12 colours so pick one to match your outfits. Mig

daffy2

Would suit someone who enjoys rendering people unconscious and then twiddling knobs.

Suggest we alter the wording of this advert before it goes out to the wider world......
Oh sorry, just seen Numpty's already edited the applicants.

daffy2

overlooking a classic North Norfolk creak

aka an arthritic local

daffy2

Apply a medium clout,

not to be confused with a clout nail, which although it might keep the patient in one place won't do anything to deal with the unwanted noise, colourful vocabulary, arguments with the surgeon etc