Mad Hatter's Arthuristic Club

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124

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  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Joan
    A belated thank you for the hat....and you are right...at least he had bread...and there was butter on it... :roll: :lol:
    “Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.” :lol::lol:
    Barbara x
    Love
    Barbara
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 26. Jan 2011, 20:20
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    “Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.”

    Well I'm willing to admit I'm crazy any time, so that must mean I'm sane. But then I'm sure that I'm fine too, so perhaps I'm just deluded :!: :shock: :lol:
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  • lupin15
    lupin15 Member Posts: 2,182
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    barbara12 wrote:
    did I get mi hat....dont remember...mind you forgot to put anything in my hubby sandwiches yesterday :roll: :oops:
    Barbara I think x


    Ah but you were half way there...He had bread...you could have told him he had to catch the filling!!!!!! Well would keep him fit!!!

    So far this week i have put my teeshirt on inside out....worn it all day and nobody noticed ....or chose to tell me, put my tea bags in the fridge!!!!!! no wonder i could not find them and misplaced my mobile phone (again). Wonder what the rest of the week will bring.... :smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile::smile:
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Good morning, Mrs. Hamster

    The teacher performed an experiment
    she probably shouldn’t have tried.
    Some chemicals flashed and exploded.
    She ended up frazzled and fried.

    Her eyebrows were sizzling and smoking.
    Her clothing was covered with soot.
    She looked like a cartoon coyote
    whose cannon had just gone kaput.

    But something astonishing happened
    as soon as her test went awry.
    The teacher was caught by the shock wave,
    and so was her hamster nearby.

    The universe inside the blast zone
    was literally rearranged,
    affecting the teacher and hamster,
    and somehow their brains were exchanged.

    The hamster climbed up near the blackboard
    and handed out homework galore.
    The teacher, by contrast, was squeaking
    and crawling around on the floor.

    The principal quickly came running
    the instant he learned of the news.
    The hamster said, "Welcome. Please join us."
    Our teacher was sniffing his shoes.

    I’m sorry to say our poor teacher
    now sits in a cage eating grass.
    The principal made her our pet,
    and the hamster’s in charge of the class.
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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Tony Hancock- The Blood Donor

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAtKjuiMpRk
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  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    brilliant Joan... You do the loonies proud..
    Lol
    Just off for mi tea... Be back among the crazy gang in a bit.. :grin::grin:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • coco67
    coco67 Member Posts: 2,374
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    is this where everyone is hang around lately?
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    hi coco... You have to be a bit nutty to get membership to this club.lol

    I reckon all of us on here qualify... :shock: :lol:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • coco67
    coco67 Member Posts: 2,374
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    that means i must leave then as im as sane as zeberdee on speed, my life is like the magic roundabout, it never stops and has more turns than a fainting nun lol

    can i come in then? :wink:
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    As a certain fat dog on a certain insurance advert says....

    Oh........... yess

    Lol
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Frankie Howerd...........Up Pompeii ( Ode to Flavia )

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIpkNVL1JNQ
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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS:
    Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
    So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
    Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
    God said that He was going to make Adam a companion
    and that it would be a woman.
    He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you,
    she will cook for you,
    and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
    She will always agree with every decision you make
    and she will not nag you,
    and will always be the first to admit she was wrong
    when you've had a disagreement.
    She will praise you!
    She will bear your children.
    and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to
    take care of them.
    "She will NEVER have a headache
    and will freely give you love and passion
    whenever you need it."
    Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
    God replied, "An arm and a leg."
    Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    The other day, a gentleman went to the Dentist's office to have a tooth pulled. The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot.

    "No way"! No needles! "I hate needles", the man said.

    The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected.

    "I can't do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me"!

    The Dentist then asks the gentleman if he has any objection to taking a pill.

    "No objection", the man said. "I'm fine with pills".

    The Dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet".

    The gentleman, totally at a loss for words, said in amazement, "WOW"! "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer"!

    "It doesn't", said the Dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth"





    :shock:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 17. Feb 2011, 10:36
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    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
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  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.


    Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

    The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


    At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
    The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

    "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
    The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.


    10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'


    The boy turns, and whispers back,

    'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Get thee to thine sleep young lady :lol:

    I am now too... :grin:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Subject: Inner Peace

    I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

    Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baidleys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesesckae an a bog a choclets.

    Yu haf no idr how bludy guod I feel rite now.

    Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr paece.
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  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Nice one Joan, you nutty lady you... :grin:

    now, goodnight :lol:
    xx
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 17. Feb 2011, 10:37
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    :lol::lol::lol:
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • coco67
    coco67 Member Posts: 2,374
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :l :lol::lol::lol:
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    After spending the last four days in a whirlwind of Maltese nuttyness, I have come to the conclusion that I am indeed rather sane.... :shock: :shock: :shock:
    They have shown me the true path to insanityville, it is paved with pink wafers, jumpers from primarni and lots of noise.. One of them forgot her suitcase when we got to the airport, my :shock: :lol::lol: uncle had to drive as fast as erm, legally possible, back to the house to get it, he made it back at one fifty eight, check in closed at two!! Talk about cutting it fine.. Lol
    Much insanity ensued as they all blamed each other..
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Your nutty Malteser friends sound great, Tony :!: Definitely my kind of people :!: :lol::lol:
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    They would certainly fit in here Joan, barking, the lot of em... Lol
    Must be something in the air over there, I really must visit sometime..
    :lol:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • lupin15
    lupin15 Member Posts: 2,182
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    True story

    Got one of these jokes my daughter keeps sending me and decided to send it on to a few friends. Got a reply from a friend i see but very rarely phone.....
    Who is this???? Strange i thought...ah she is messing around.
    Kim i said
    They then they replied" so i am one of the girls now i am i....."(thought that was a little odd or she was having a bad day!!!!)
    I relied" what you not at work then????"(She is a teacher and should have been at work)
    "No off today i have been 12 hours shifts in a dementia unit......i can extra hours if i want."

    Ummm this is not right a teacher doing 12 hour shifts in a dementia hospital!!!!!!
    My next message was." sorry to sound stupid but who am i speaking to?"

    Hi it is Sam.....

    Opps not my friend then

    The lad was really OK about my messages and wished me a nice day....moral of the story is make sure you do have the correct number. The telephone is now deleted.
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