Acceptance?

cthornley

12yrs ...... I'm never giving up on the shoes.... there just so pretty

Acceptance .....some days its not so bad, otherdays I have a good old scream at RA. Ce la vie and all that. :roll:

Chrissie

bubbles

It is, for me, very dependent on the day - I battles and sort of won the heart disease, two heart attacks and 7 angioplasties, for a long time I was sort of waiting for God.
Arthur is moving on leaps and bounds and pain and lack of ability to do what was once a daily activity, sometimes grates on my nerves. Generally, I try and keep positive, making people smile and helping other wherever I can.
I was quite upset recently when the OH was busy in the garden and I really wanted to weed some of the border, but knew it was not possible, I used to love gardening. I went off and did some watering and feeding, to take my mind off it, then made a cup of T and sat and admired OH hard work.

Pottering is my way of coping, as long as I can potter, I am ok, no matter how much pain I am in at the time.

dreamdaisy

An instruction manual is an impossibility. My heart goes out to you if you have had good health and now its changing. I count myself very fortunate that I have never known what that is, illness isolated me as a child, a teen and young adult, swallowing, inhaling, injecting and rubbing on meds is as natural as breathing as far as I am concerned. I was shocked by arthritis as I was actually expecting diabetes - a number of docs told me that was a dead cert after years of inhaled asthma meds - why don't they just keep their big mouths shut? No-one can predict the future.

I don't mind having arthritis - there's not a lot I can do about it, I am not alone any more in dealing with it, I fully understand and accept it won't go away, it won't get better, that it will continue to affect and reduce me as the years go on. What I am struggling with (and I have no idea why) is the feeling of not knowing what it is any more. I was happy with the PA, now having two to deal with is unsettling. Never mind, that will pass, all things do. DD

fudge

bubbles - " so long as I can Potter " - I am with you 100% on this and it amazing how fast the days and weeks go by just 'pottering' and just how much you can actually accomplish whilst doing it :!:

All this wonderful weather we are enjoying surely lifts the spirits and to be out in the garden tweaking here and there is a great boost for moral - long may it last :!:

.......fudge.........

ironic

Hi Lynn,
Well can I go half and half? The big heels have gone; well alright there are a couple of pairs lurking at the back of the wardrobe next to the slip on sandals and the LBD. I still feel that I only need a nudge to be back to way I was. Every time my medication goes up this takes a knock but then I rationalise it to conform to my nudge theory.
So no, I have not accepted but I have adapted frighteningly quickly. I agree with Chris I find if I have time to get used to the next step I go into adapt mode. Hey maybe I could outrun it, outlive it....I’m no spring chicken so it’s no wonder I get so tired and am slowing down, see I have an excuse for everything.
I was bought a teacup which reads....”I’m in my own world. It’s ok they know me here”! :roll:
Firmly in denial after all this time then, but I look where the raised beds will be, browse through the garden tool catalogue and peek into automatic cars. Talk about hedging my bets eh???
But it’s how I am coping at this moment in time. As the song says “I think I will have to work it out again”!!! (but not just Yet). :???:

Friday was a bad day but today I’m gardening so as long as there are ups then I will cope.

One thing that keeps us going is the fantastic human nature, we cannot cry all the time and we cannot laugh all the time. Of course it hits home when I am on the wrong side of the glass window and can only stare out, but I have good days and overdo things and will do so for as long as I can.
Hugs,
I xx

lindalegs

My heels have all gone now but it doesn't stop me wishing I could wear just a small one. Instead I choose nice trousers, sometimes in glitzy materials or bright colours and I try to make the most of what I have. I draw attention away from my feet with lovely pretty tops and make sure my hair always looks good.

I think this forum helps us accept and get on with our lives because we all feel basically the same in our battle with arthur and being the people we want to be. Knowing the people on here makes us all realise we're not alone and we have a shared enemy. I'm glad we've all found each other - sorry for being sentimental. :oops: :roll:

bertyboy

what an interesting thought , acceptence i wish i had it this morning when i went out , i would not have got blisters then [ouch] i did take my comfort shoes but left them in the car , i have still got many pairs of ankle snappers that i cant even get my feet in , and never will again but as for parting with them thats another matter ,

coco67

i have not got as far as acceptance, not sure if its because im naturally a stuborn mare or i havent got a full grip on all this arther stuff yet. shoes are a nightmare. im in my early 40's and cant get much that is comfy.

i find it realy hard to ask for help also. stuborn and independant

Jo90

What a terrific thread and absolutely sums up the frustration and symbolic battle with acceptance I went through last year. On bad days, early on, I would sit on my bedroom floor and get my shoes out of the wardrobes and feel throroughly bl@@dy miserable ! Slowly I had to get my head round the simple need for some flat shoes (and the fact that I simply couldn't wear Birkenstocks round the office)! Steadily it crept in from there, but there is a MAHOOSIVE need for a pretty-comfy shoe shop ! I have kept some pretty heels and put them on and play dress-up occaisonally - now it's out there and I have outed myself ! But I don't care
To those of you still refusing to give in - well done you ! And to those of us who are part way there, and those who have come to that acceptance (of whom Keith put it brilliantly), just as we are defined more than by just our illness, we are also more than the lovely shoes we can or can't wear.
Take care all
Jo
x

chris7

Hi Lynn

This thread and the replies have been on my mind a bit and you, Legs and others here are so right. Inspite of the dimissive comment about LWA on chit chat recently, the forum and especially LWA does in my opinion, I think help all of us who call in here to some degree of acceptance (though some days are better than others eh! :???: )
Which coincidentally appears to be one of the reasons for it's existence.

Keep thinking of the phrase we all know.
"... grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

Glad you are keeping one pair of lovely heels. Never say never Lynn
Chris

skezier

Hi Lynn,

Been thinking like Chris has and I reckon i was just so lucky... I got the oa young and it went for my feet big time as well. It means I never got to ware high heels cus we had the platforms (yes I do admit to wearing then and 5" ones at that) and they never bent your foot too much and I have never been able to ware high heels so i don't miss them.

Mind it did take a lot off me and that i will never forgive it NEVER!!! and will hate it to my dying day...... :roll:

Hope your doing ok and leaving a ((((( ))))) and a hope. Cris xx

tkachev

lindalegs wrote:

Hi Lynn,

I knew I'd come to terms with having arthur around when I started to dream arthritically. Whenever I dream now I can't run anymore, need help dressing/undressing (though that can be quite interesting depending on who's giving you a hand ) or undoing a bottle of pop and I'm dying of thirst .............just like real life. :roll:

I am he opposite, always healthy and slim in my dreams. It is so nice......

Elizabeth x

stickywicket

Hi you guys,

Sorry. Been away. Missed all this & not time to read all but here’s my two pennorth.

I never did the shoe thing as been in surgical ones most of my adult life. Never did the fashion thing either so none of that bothers me. At heart I’m a scruff. Actually, looking down, not just at heart.

My first ‘acceptance’ moment came when I realised I was playing wrong notes on familiar piano pieces because my fingers just wouldn’t hit the right ones. I tried adapting but no go. This was serious.

Another ‘acceptance moment’ was when all the kids’ friends’ Mums were starting work again now they were all at school. Not a chance for me. All I could do to keep the house going.

Solution – every time I have to give something up I take something else on. I did an O.U module in composition (Fingers were up to that & great fun). Couldn’t work so took up voluntary work. (Only 4 hours per week.) When walking became big problem took up horse riding (RDA). When surgeon iffy about that took up ‘walks with wheelchair’ ie walk some, ride some.

My philosophy – keep as active as possible and feel useful. Having said that I am blest with great family and friends. Makes a huge difference.

lindalegs

stickywicket wrote:

Hi you guys,

Sorry. Been away. Missed all this & not time to read all but here’s my two pennorth.

I never did the shoe thing as been in surgical ones most of my adult life. Never did the fashion thing either so none of that bothers me...............
Solution – every time I have to give something up I take something else on. I did an O.U module in composition (Fingers were up to that & great fun). Couldn’t work so took up voluntary work. (Only 4 hours per week.) When walking became big problem took up horse riding (RDA). When surgeon iffy about that took up ‘walks with wheelchair’ ie walk some, ride some.

My philosophy – keep as active as possible and feel useful. Having said that I am blest with great family and friends. Makes a huge difference.

Welcome back Sticky

Well said too. Without realising, till you said, this is what I do too - I always try to make a positive out of a negative.

I, too have brilliant support by those around me.

............so says Legs wearing her Pollyanna hat

stickywicket

lindalegs wrote:

............so says Legs wearing her Pollyanna hat

Ah yes, Legs, I did fear I might be coming over all Pollyanna. However, I also own a fine Victor Meldrew flat cap which gets plenty of use. The family recognise me more easily in it.

skezier

Hey Lynn.... i got a picture somewhere... liked being that tall though and could run i them.... xx

can I just say i also try to stay positive, I really do and i have neither good or close family and do live alone so its not that which ,makes the difference at all to it.

lindalegs

skezier wrote:

........can I just say i also try to stay positive, I really do and i have neither good or close family and do live alone so its not that which ,makes the difference at all to it.

Hi Cris,

I think you're one of the most positive people hereabouts considering the pile of poo left at your door.

It is your pure strength of character and determination to carry on with the life you want with the employers and lodgers that pulls you through. I, and many others, admire you soooooo much

I just think that I'm so lucky to have the support of those around me because it does help.

suzygirl

Stickeywicket, I loved your reply. Also the idea of a pollyanna hat, and a victor meldrew cap gave me a real chuckle!!!!

ironic

Hi Lynn,
This has been a wonderful thread with lots of thought provoking posts. Perhaps like you said adapting is in its way is a form of acceptance? I like many others have been frightened of change but may be finding one road blocked it makes you make a detour that you would never have taken. Who knows what is out there waiting to be discovered and reading some of the posts has given me a more optimistic outlook. What I think of as me has taken time to achieve/evolve and changes and detours have made me, Me!

Oh please adopt my nudge Lynn...hey that rhymes with Fudge, we could sit on a bench and swop Fudges, sorry I meant nudges.
Lv, Ix

stickywicket

Legs - you are absolutely 100% right about skezier. She is an absolute inspiration to us all.

Ironic - Changes still scare me sh1tless at times but they do bring out the inventor in us. Everyone wants a ‘new challenge’ these days. Everyone wants to feel ‘stretched’. Well now, here’s where we arthritics have it made. We feel stretched long before we actually get out of bed in the morning. We face new horizons every day. Just keep looking forwards, not back. (Not too far forwards, though. That's scarey too!)

Pherstun

This is the best thread I've read on any forum in a long time

I buy pretty stuff like clothes and especially jewellery to keep me happy, and I always repaint my nails every week, sometimes in bright colours, sometimes with nail art.

We all need to find things that brings us joy, that way the things like arthur that get in our way don't drag us down.

Debbie

stickywicket

Hi there, Bluebell64,

That's great news. I'm so pleased things are looking up for you. Yes, I agree, arthritis can make you stronger and good for you that you had the sort of attitude to take advantage of that. Bet you're a great Mum.

Have fun with your new fella.

dreamdaisy

Bumped up for psychkez. I hope this thread helps in some way. DD

psychkez

Thankyou so much DD for drawing my attention to this thread.
I am pretty much at the beginning of my journey and was only diagnosed february. My arthur started off in my knee and has pretty much infected nearly all my joints now. It scares me how quickly it has developed.
I have never been ill before and have been dieting for the past year, i have lost 4.5 stone and then the arthur appeared. I feel so sorry for myself all the time and cry nearly every day. I get upset that i can no longer go cycling with my children or even just kick a ball around the garden when only a few months ago these things i took for granted.
I am currently at uni and had high hopes of becoming a forensic psychologist but now i do not know what to expect from my future and it scares the hell out of me.
I hadnt really thought about it as bereavement before but you are all right ... thats exactly what it feels like. My OH is in denial and thinks that it will all get better, I on the other hand know that this is here to stay but it doesnt make it any easier to deal with.
I have read through all the threads in tears as i spend most of my time feeling like i am on my own with this and its comforting to know that the way i am feeling is 'normal'. I hope that eventually i will start to feel like some of you do and that i find a way to do the things i want to do and a way to just get on with it all but at the moment i am in a whole world of self pity that i cant seem to snap out of .... and here come the tears again
This forum is amazing, i literally joined a couple of hours ago and already i know that it is exactly what i need right now so thank you x

suzygirl

Phychkez, so glad you have joined the forum. It does help deal with it all, by sharing on here.

I can totally understand how you feel, it is scary when it totally takes over so quickly. The meds do help eventually, it just takes time and that is frustrating.

You do have to take time out for yourself to ajust and adapt to the change. Grieving is a good way of explaining it.

Sending you well wishes and gentle (((hugs)))