IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.... NEW FORUM CRUISE

joanlawson

This is an important announcement on behalf of JL Cruises.

There is to be a new forum cruise aboard the good ship SkylARC, setting sail very shortly from Southampton. Since our last cruise, which took us to many exotic locations, the ship has been completely refitted to super deluxe standards, and it is now without doubt the most luxurious liner in the world. It is, of course, completely free to forum members. One new feature of the ship is the floating garden, which is totally unique to the SkylARC.

As previously, you may request anything you wish in your cabin, and it will be granted. As Cruise Director for JL Cruises, it is my job to ensure that your requirements are met, so please let me know.

There are one or two changes, the main one being that the captain and crew are now all female. It is hoped that Trisher will be our captain, Val is petty officer, and Annie is Catering Manager. There are vacancies for other crew members, so please apply if you are interested.

We are accompanied on the voyage by members of ELF ( Egg Liberation Front ) and the Guardian of the Egg ( one of the famous Seven Eggs of Destiny ) The Guardian has 5 handmaidens to assist him in his arduous task. As part of our world cruise, we will be calling at the ISLAND OF DOOM to return the egg to its rightful home, so we must be on guard for pirates who may want to capture the egg.

Other than that, happy sailing, shipmates!!!

Joan ( First Mate and Cruise Director for JL Cruises )

joanlawson

Oh Guardian of the Egg, your state room is ready. I hope it meets with your approval.

Unfortunately, your 5 handmaidens haven't been appointed yet, as I have to interview them all to check on their suitability, and the queue is so long that it is going to take a few hours.

valval

right am here and ready for what this cruise will throw at me
can i have sunken bath please with steps in and out as having probs bathing at mo and do not want to smell lol . right shoes are gleaming got shorts and deck shoes ready this should be fun val

speedalong

Hi, I am quite happy to be just a guest thanks!!

I would love a large cabin with storage that does not require bending down. I would like an onsuite bathroom with a walk in shower and a lovely jacuzzi with a hydraulic base so I can get in easily and lie down once inside. I Obviously I would like my own fridge, kettle and microwave in case I get fed up of room service!! I'd like my cabin to be sound proofed so it can be lovely and quiet, but if I want to make noise I wont disturb anyone.

S will need his own room too - he too would like a jacuzzi, large wide screen TV, full sized snooker table.

We would like an on-deck private turfed garden with shrubs for my cat and I too relax in and an electric style recliner for sun bathing. S would like a large trampoline.

We would both like free passes to the pool (which would of course be designed with easy access) and wireless internet access all over the ship.

Oooh a holiday - I can't wait....

Speedy

joanlawson

valval wrote:

right am here and ready for what this cruise will throw at me
can i have sunken bath please with steps in and out as having probs bathing at mo and do not want to smell lol . right shoes are gleaming got shorts and deck shoes ready this should be fun val

Hi Val, and welcome onboard. As petty officer, your cabin will be extra-deluxe, so the sunken bath is a modest requirement. Do you want anything else :?: Remember that you can have a cabin boy of your choice if you wish.

joanlawson

speedalong wrote:

Hi, I am quite happy to be just a guest thanks!!

I would love a large cabin with storage that does not require bending down. I would like an onsuite bathroom with a walk in shower and a lovely jacuzzi with a hydraulic base so I can get in easily and lie down once inside. I Obviously I would like my own fridge, kettle and microwave in case I get fed up of room service!! I'd like my cabin to be sound proofed so it can be lovely and quiet, but if I want to make noise I wont disturb anyone.

S will need his own room too - he too would like a jacuzzi, large wide screen TV, full sized snooker table.

We would like an on-deck private turfed garden with shrubs for my cat and I too relax in and an electric style recliner for sun bathing. S would like a large trampoline.

We would both like free passes to the pool (which would of course be designed with easy access) and wireless internet access all over the ship.

Oooh a holiday - I can't wait....

Speedy

Welcome onboard Speedy and S. Your cabins are ready, the jacuzzis are bubbling, the snooker table and trampoline are in place, and the garden is fenced round so that your cat won't fall in the water. Enjoy the cruise :!:

joanlawson

We are not going anywhere without me wimmen!

Oh Guardian of the Egg, you are very impatient :!: :!: I've been interviewing the handmaiden applicants all night. Many have applied, but have been rejected as unsuitable. However, Kate Kelly and Annie have now been officially appointed. They will require supervision, so I have appointed myself as handmaiden supervisor.

joanlawson

He? Who is he? This is not a holiday, it is a journey fraught with dangers.. we venture forth to return the last of the 7 Eggs of destiny to it's rightful home on the ISLAND OF DOOM
so there

Oh Guardian of the Egg, I think we can combine our mission to return the Egg to the ISLAND OF DOOM with a holiday too, as long as the passengers are prepared for any danger which might arise. They are a courageous lot, so I think they will be able to cope with a few pirates etc.

joanlawson

HA HA :!: :!: :!: Well they look like a motley crew :!: More like Captain Pugwash :!: Anyway, they are miles away, and we haven't even left Southampton yet, so I'm not going to worry about them :!:

speedalong

Guardian,

I always travel with "he" .... and he has his strengths, not least that he sees life a little differently! My life is always fraught with challenges ... so I have had plenty of practise at wrestling with danger and dealing with life's many obstacles!! I have also learnt to relax and rest up when you can ...

Ship-ahoy!

Ooh, I nearly forgot - why thank you First Mate and Cruise Director for JL Cruises - we are ready to board ... Looking forward to the sea breeze to cool us down.

Speedy

joanlawson

HA HA Dick Dastardly doesn't look much of a threat either :!: We are an all-female crew, remember. We can multi-task, so can deal with pirates and pilots simultaneously.

joanlawson

Give us a chance, Guardian :!: We haven't even left the docks yet :!: Anyway, the Mellman poses no threat to me :!:

joanlawson

Well I've got a map. It's the one on the back of an envelope that we used for the last cruise, so will that do :?:

tillytop

Dear Ms Lawson

I understand that you are looking for staff members for the upcoming cruise.

Please accept this message as my formal application for the post of Ship's Gardener, with responsibility for maintenance of your new floating garden.

Coincidentally I am the founder member of the newly formed National Organisation of Shipping Line United Gardeners (NO-SLUG) and I think I would be very suitable for this post. I would be accompanied by the team of hunky guys from our garden who, as well as being very decorative, have extensive pirate management experience.

My terms are very reasonable - a comfortable room, unlimited Whittard’s English Breakfast Tea, toast and Marmite and as much Green and Black's Organic Milk chocolate as I can eat. I note that one of your passengers has requested a private garden and, for additional chocolate rations, I would also be willing to undertake the care of this and any other private gardens on board ship.

Yours in anticipation of a favourable response.

Tillytop FM NO-SLUG

annie_mial

I believe there is a miniature map etched on The Egg.....anyone willing to go near it with a magnifying glass?

We can then compare all three, but if the Guardian needs his examine closely, count me in...........

Annie

joanlawson

babycham wrote:

Thankyou Joan ...I. will be happy to offer my services as lowly cabin girl and work my passage on the first trip I would like my own cutless Steerage for three cats ...oh and complementry Elemes treatments as and when required Should we be unfortunate enough to cature Orlando Bloom Johnny Depp or Errol Fylnn I would like to have full charge them in exchange for any Keira Knighteleys Who can be sorted by Rehab xBabycham

Hi Babycham

You are hired as a cabin girl, and I will put you in charge of any good-looking pirates we capture, although in the case of Johnny Depp, you might be required to share him around occasionally.

joanlawson

tillytop wrote:

Dear Ms Lawson

I understand that you are looking for staff members for the upcoming cruise.

Please accept this message as my formal application for the post of Ship's Gardener, with responsibility for maintenance of your new floating garden.

Coincidentally I am the founder member of the newly formed National Organisation of Shipping Line United Gardeners (NO-SLUG) and I think I would be very suitable for this post. I would be accompanied by the team of hunky guys from our garden who, as well as being very decorative, have extensive pirate management experience.

My terms are very reasonable - a comfortable room, unlimited Whittard’s English Breakfast Tea, toast and Marmite and as much Green and Black's Organic Milk chocolate as I can eat. I note that one of your passengers has requested a private garden and, for additional chocolate rations, I would also be willing to undertake the care of this and any other private gardens on board ship.

Yours in anticipation of a favourable response.

Tillytop FM NO-SLUG

Dear Tillytop

I am pleased to inform you that your application for the post of Ship's Gardener has been successful. I am very impressed by your membership of NO-SLUG, and I can't wait to meet your team of hunky assistants.

valval

hi i know semaphor

if that any good but not good at mores code . know my ships bells and watches middle, morning, fornoon ,afternoon, first dog, last dog ,first watch if that any help . the captain great with carts but not so sure with maps.????
good with sheepshank and bowline

joanlawson

Right, Shipmates, I think it is time to set off on our adventure :!: :!: We have no captain as yet, but Fat Kev has offered to steer the ship for the time being. I hope we don't go round in circles :!: :shock:

valval

ok let go the ropes hard to starboard full steam ahead

valval

now we are under way will be buisy coiling all the halyards and polishing the bell back later val

annie_mial

rehab44 wrote:

joanlawson wrote:

Right, Shipmates, I think it is time to set off on our adventure :!: :!: We have no captain as yet, but Fat Kev has offered to steer the ship for the time being. I hope we don't go round in circles :!: :shock:

. ANG ABOUT!!! No one has read my thigh yet

Puff, pant, gasp - bloody ell Mr. Guardian, why you got a stateroom (see, I remembered) up all those ladders - I've heard of high and mighty, but that's ridiculous! Anyway, I'm here now, and I have two magnifying glasses and ............oooooooooooooh!

Annie - dumbstruck!

valval

annie_mial wrote:

rehab44 wrote:

joanlawson wrote:

Right, Shipmates, I think it is time to set off on our adventure :!: :!: We have no captain as yet, but Fat Kev has offered to steer the ship for the time being. I hope we don't go round in circles :!: :shock:

. ANG ABOUT!!! No one has read my thigh yet

Puff, pant, gasp - bloody ell Mr. Guardian, why you got a stateroom (see, I remembered) up all those ladders - I've heard of high and mighty, but that's ridiculous! Anyway, I'm here now, and I have two magnifying glasses and ............oooooooooooooh!

Annie - dumbstruck!

quick some one fetch water for annie she come over all strange ????

joanlawson

babycham wrote:

Who.s fat Kev?.....Did .nt he use to play for England?LBabycham

Hi Babycham

It's a long story about Fat Kev, and probably one which you wouldn't want to hear. He might just as well have been playing for England for all the good they did. Hey, that's an idea :idea: Fat Kev for England manager :!: :shock:

joanlawson

rehab44 wrote:

valval wrote:

ok let go the ropes hard to starboard full steam ahead

'I Rehab the Guardian Iman of the people Brum, and serving part time bar person having ritually drunk the biting water of the fermented distilled potato, inhaled the mind-filling smoke of the hemp and poppy plant, and eaten the bitter cactus buttons of enlightenment, did fall into a vision state, and here is what was vouchsafed unto me by the speakers of the spirit world". (yeh I know you heard this before at your local place of worship, but bear with me ok? I don't get out a lot)
 
"The speakers said that we should go that way'


 

Oh Guardian Iman of the people of Brum and the Egg of Destiny, which way is that way :?: I still haven't dared to look at the map.

ninakang

OI! You're not setting off without me this time! Have brought my work laptop and a few firemen to share out so I'm taking "Special Leave" (because I am special) and working from the cruise ship.

I'd like to apply for the post of Residential Bar Propper-Upper, with an option to lie by the pool also. I have lots of experience, am reliable and trustworthy and won't let you down. I am very dedicated to my job.

Nx