IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.... NEW FORUM CRUISE

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Comments

  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Nina

    Glad to have you onboard. You are hired as Resident Bar Propper Upper on condition that you share those firemen around and don't hog them all for yourself.

    No idea where we are going, but I expect we'll get somewhere interesting in due course. In the meantime, relax and enjoy all that the ship has to offer. s030.gif
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  • katekelly
    katekelly Member Posts: 975
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    joanlawson wrote:
    babycham wrote:
    Who.s fat Kev?.....Did .nt he use to play for England?LBabycham

    Hi Babycham

    It's a long story about Fat Kev, and probably one which you wouldn't want to hear. He might just as well have been playing for England for all the good they did. Hey, that's an idea :idea: Fat Kev for England manager :!: :shock:

    Fat Kev for England manager!! - Fat Kev for Prime Minister more like!!
  • ninakang
    ninakang Member Posts: 1,367
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Does anyone know where we're going yet? :shock:

    My firemen are getting restless and bored - am sending them out to play.

    Nx
  • annie_mial
    annie_mial Member Posts: 5,614
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    "What am I doing up here? Some kind of punishment?" wondered the Figurehead. "Bloody hell, it's draughty! I can't keep the bedclothes on........oh, what the hell, I can't sleep, I might as well go and join in the fun..........oooh, naked firemen! That's for me...."

    On that note the Figurehead slips out of the bed and lands lightly on the deck. Bearing in mind that she is 20ft tall and has an hourglass figure, some of the chaps faint. The others think heaven has arrived on the boat.

    Meanwhile, all is not well on the bridge. The Guardian is having a dummy spitting session, 'cause his thigh is now bruised and they can't read the map. However, Annie is sure it said 'port at the big buoy, then full steam ahead (I'm doing my best at the moment) till eight bells.

    Fat Kev rather unfortunately doesn't know his ports from his starboards but is grimly determined to beat the eight bells - which is also unfortunate as the ship is likely to get extremely lost..........

    Annie
  • ninakang
    ninakang Member Posts: 1,367
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    REHAB!

    On behalf of the rest of the cruise intendees, consider yourself well and truly told off and banished to the hold (or whatever it's called) ON YOUR OWN for an hour. I'd say one minute for every year you've been alive but that would be a heartless punishment.

    We are NOT making any of this up. Tooth fairies do recycle your teeth and Santa is REAL (therefore, so are the firemen).

    Nx
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    come on fat kev there are 8bells 6 times a twentyfour hour period so which set you waiting for coming only half an hour till 8 bells port on left starbord right . what did map say anni ???????. will just turn left after bouy with bell on and see what happens lol
    val
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    rehab44 wrote:
    A boy with a bell? That will be Quasimodo's lad then?

    think he might need saving he miles out to see lol :D:D:lol::lol:
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    val
  • annie_mial
    annie_mial Member Posts: 5,614
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    How did you know it had a nautical name of Quasimodo? (FYI, the one on the starboard side is called Esmerelda).

    .............ahhhhh, I see, this one has a strange lump taped to it.....could it be treasure? Another egg? A map?

    (No, Rehab, I'm not making this up - it's fresh from the brainbox)

    Annie
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    its all true i just made it up right time for dinner and as trisher is captain rehab better sit at her table fat kev can carry on steering
    val
  • trisher
    trisher Member Posts: 9,263
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Joan

    Can I join your Cruise please if you have room? Can I have my room where I swim to my room.

    Trish xxx
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    trisher wrote:
    Dear Joan

    Can I join your Cruise please if you have room? Can I have my room where I swim to my room.

    Trish xxx

    you are captain so your word goes and you have best room fat kev will stand in for you when you not up to it lol
    val
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    trisher wrote:
    Dear Joan

    Can I join your Cruise please if you have room? Can I have my room where I swim to my room.

    Trish xxx

    Hi Trisher

    We appointed you captain in your absence, as Rehab is Guardian of the Egg on this cruise. I hope that was OK with you. Fat Kev is your deputy for when you want a rest.
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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    rehab44 wrote:
    Meanwhile, back on topic..


    Log of the Good Ship Venus
     
    Day 1, at sea.... Long. 21 degrees 41 minutes West. Lat, somewhat North of the Texaco Garage.  [/i]

    The crew are singing a jaunty sea shanty.. its a bit rude so scroll down quickly if you don't want to to join in.....

    "It was on the good ship Venus by crikey you should have seen...
    The figure head was a nude in bed and the mast was the captains penis.. etc etc etc",     ( I have put etc coz I can only remember the other verses when I am drunk).

    The wind has filled our sails and carries us on apace at some 40 knots avoiding the hazards of the local constabulary and speed cameras, oh this is the life!

    I fancy that I am really descended from some great mariner or buccaneer perhaps. I am certainly at home out here on the briny.

    (Note: Briny, nautical phrase, much used to describe the 'oggin') (Note'Oggin' a much used nautical phrase used to describe the blue bits on a map). (Note: map: thing that wimmen hold upside down in the car when men are lost). The crew have settled in well, although I have some concerns about the handmaidens
     

    [/i]

    Hey, Guardian of the Egg :!: Has the ship changed its name :?: Since when was it called Venus :?: :?: As cruise director of JL Cruises, I think I should have been consulted. It's always been the SkylARC before, and I'm rather fond of that name.

    Now you've got me all confused, so I don't know whether I'm abaft, abeam, or amidships (note the nautical terms)

    Anyway, now that the map has been thoroughly scrutinised by one and all, I think we are heading in the right direction for the ISLAND OF DOOM

    How many knots are we doing :?: What is a knot anyway, does anybody know :?:
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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Guardian of the Egg, I think you are a little poetically challenged. Venus does NOT rhyme with that other word which I am too polite to mention.

    Thanks for the info about knots, Babycham. It is a good idea to drop anchor by the shores of Montiwotsits today. We could go for a swim in the sea, or sunbathe in our floating garden.
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  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    joanlawson wrote:
    Oh Guardian of the Egg, I think you are a little poetically challenged. Venus does NOT rhyme with that other word which I am too polite to mention.

    Thanks for the info about knots, Babycham. It is a good idea to drop anchor by the shores of Montiwotsits today. We could go for a swim in the sea, or sunbathe in our floating garden.

    yes to swim would be great and bar b q for those who like them val
    val
  • ninakang
    ninakang Member Posts: 1,367
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    *LOL* You lot are hilarious!

    I've brought my girls for a swim in the ship's pool. They've been airlifted in by helicopter and I'll be seding them off home later to their dad.

    Nx
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    The retired pirate is active again and plotting with Dick Dastardly.

    Well, shiver me timbers, me hearties :!: :!: I ain't afeared of a few scallywag, scurvy-dog pirates :!: They ain't gettin my pieces of eight, I can tell you :!: :shock: We ain't a bunch of lily-livered wenches on this ship. Just let those pirates try- we'll soon have 'em walking the plank :!: :!:

    Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum, and all that :!: :!: ( I've been practising my pirate-speak in preparation )
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  • ninakang
    ninakang Member Posts: 1,367
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    And the English translation of that is...?!

    Some of us are too posh to partake in any pirate speak. I'll just quietly sit by the pool drinking and then roll off to bed a bit later :lol:

    Nx
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    We might need you and your girls if the pirates attack. Ellen, Simie and Jassie would be more than a match for any pirates :!: :lol:

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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well, shiver me timbers, if it ain't Captain Fat Kev :!: :!:
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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    rehab44 wrote:
    joanlawson wrote:
    Well, shiver me timbers, if it ain't Captain Fat Kev :!: :!:
    Do you get you timbers shivered often then?

    Yo- Ho- Ho :lol::lol::lol:
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  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    right off to get hair done ready for this posh dinner might go mad and get nails sorted while there val
    val
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Canary Islands should be enjoyable tomorrow. Which one shall we visit first? I would like to go to the top of Mount Teide, the volcano on Tenerife.
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  • trisher
    trisher Member Posts: 9,263
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Joan

    You make sure you are wrapped up warm it is very cold when you get near the top. It is covered in snow they need woolly knickers and woolly pants. The men need them more than the women.

    I think we all know when men get very cold it freezes their......kn....knew that Val course we can, turn right here make the signal and I will turn it you can help.

    Joan Annie

    As the Maidens you best keep your eye on the Egg man he wants to go to the top of the mountain watch him closely incase one of his eggs fall off
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    rehab44 wrote:
    delboy wrote:
    I suspect the Guardians Handmaidens will have knitted him a willy warmer. th_hekla.gif
    Do they have that much wool? :shock:


    yes half a ball was more than enough for three :D:D:D:D:D
    val

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