Bored how about a Christams tale...please join in.

lupin15

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzzzzzzz, Bang.......The alarm clock bounced off the wardrobe and crashed to the floor.
I crawled out of bed and stumbled across the room banging into every obstacle put in my way...clothes, boots, the cat (screech) and the dog, switched the light on. Blinded by the light for a few seconds i thought i saw something move across the landing.....I rubbed my eyes and looked again...

valval

my back brush out of the shower then i realised it was a wig on the end of a bit of string

tjt6768

Claws for hands.. They here for me. I knew this day would come but, now? I wasn't ready... I needed to go to the loo first..
I ran into the bathroom shutting the door behind me, I quickly put the bolt on, but realised...... Oh, sweet Lord no..... There was no loo roll.. I gingerly opened the door, hoping to appeal to their sensitive side, if they had one, would they possibly pass me a loo roll from the downstairs bog? The tallest child looked at me with those black, dead eyes and in a menacing voice said........

joanlawson

'' Am I bovvered? ''

annie_mial

"Y'know" said a second charming child, brandishing a half-eaten mouse, 'We could lock 'er in"

Annie

lupin15

There i was sat on the throne...knickers around my ankles and a very unpleasant smell creeping up.... suddenly i heard the front door slam. Thank god, i hope that is.....

lupin15

Hooray he has learn't to use the front door key at last.....

lupin15

Blood shot eyes and dragging his left leg behind him. Muttering under his breath, his jacket torn into shreds.
Take it the kids enjoyed the Christmas party then??? Looks like they loved Santas grotto???

tjt6768

The very planet she had destroyed when she was captain of the starship pottymouth... He was here for revenge alright, now if she could only hitch her pants up she could get away..

joanlawson

Quick as a flash, she stepped out of her pants, and then bravely confronted the lizard from Zorg. She knew his one weakness was mince pies, which would have an instant deadly effect on him at the first bite. But first she must distract him so that she could get to the kitchen. What could she do?

tjt6768

She gave him a brief glimpse of her boobies, he was so stunned he just froze, she sneaked past him, he there, with a grin the size of china on his face....
She got to the kitchen, this is where she kept the vital parts to her time machine, now she needed to.........

joanlawson

bake some mince pies in five seconds before the lizard recovered from shock. She could only do that by activating the time machine, which was so conveniently parked in a corner of the kitchen. She flicked a switch, not knowing quite what time-zone she would end up in, and after much spinning round and bumping, she found herself in.............

tjt6768

With only an hour to go before her impending doom, the long walk to the stake, the burning of her flesh.... She summoned her doppelganger Brian... It's time, she said, he knew that the time would come when he would be sacrificed, it was a curse being the image of this woman he thought.. They swapped cothes, now she'd just have to get out of the cage... And leave Brian there....................................

lupin15

She called merlin "Oh Merlin baby come here my sweet, i have a small favour to ask of you x:)) x:)) x:)) ???" Merlin approached the cage.....and gave her the cloak.... "Use it wisely he said" .
Waking the next morning she was on a warm sun drenched beach, with the hot sun beating down on her white knackered back. " Rub the sun cream in" she shouted to......

lupin15

The hairy bikers and their spicy lamb saugages x:)) x:)) x:)) x:)) ....

lupin15

" How many do you want and how big???" The Hairy bikers said in a Jordie accent ....."Do you want anything else with that? I may have a wee dram of something for you!

tjt6768

fell on her ****....

joanlawson

But suddenly her attention was drawn to a man with a beard sitting at a piano in the sea.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT he said.

She was spinning through space, and everything became a blur, until eventually she landed in a place which seemed strange and mysterious.
'' Where am I? '' she wondered.

tjt6768

She was in bananarnia, like narnia but fruitier! x:))

joanlawson

Suddenly there appeared the strangest thing she had ever seen.



''Who are you?'' she asked

''I am Super Banana Man'' he replied. ''I can make all your dreams come true. What would you like to wish for?''

joanlawson

''OK'' he replied,''although you will have to join the queue. It's rather a long queue, but it will be worth waiting for''.

tjt6768

meanwhile in lapland... Rehab was slowly making his way through a plethora of scantily clad ladies, he thought to himself, 'how on earth did I get this gig?' Then he remembered, he'd blackmailed Santa.
He was unaware that 'she' was on her way.... It was only a matter of time before.......

tjt6768

He'd learnt that trick from the French. While fighting for the resistance back in 1807 in the napoleonic war... He'd had to use his tiny whities for a flag, he never did carry an hankie.

wooly-monkey

"STOP, STOP" he cried, "I can't take any more"

joanlawson

''Right'', said Super Banana Man, '' that wish came to nothing, so you will have to make another. What else do you wish for?''

wooly-monkey

Thanks Joan,I can't stop laughing