Bored how about a Christams tale...please join in.

lupin15

When a large white object fell on his..........

tjt6768

brother Rajput's house (it was a multi-cultoral part of town where he was from and his Mum used to get bored while Dad was away on the Titanic, he worked as an ice-berg spotter, he was rubish at it! x:roll: ) and caved the roof in, "crikey said Raj, how the binkin flippity flip are we gonna fix that?"
"Only one way to do it" said fat Kev, we need the help of our dear friend........................................

tjt6768

Being an NHS hospital, they were told to come back in 18 weeks... So, in the meantime they.........

lupin15

Then the marches and riots began......Chants of bring back santa.....sack CRB staff.....London was in a right old mess, children crying, parents running a muck when.........

lupin15

all manner of goodies. Harrods and said they would make a huge donation this year as their profits were massive (and any case if your tax deductible). The bags were fills with all manner of toys for all age groups and wonderous food selection from their food hall..... (Yummy). The bags were loaded onto the sledge but they ran out of room so.......

lupin15

carrot the Reign deer had left. (don't blame them is was not fit to eat.) One of the tramps so Fat Kev and wander across and gave him a pat on the shoulder and ofterred him a swig of.....

Colin1

SPLIFF, he knew he should not do it but it eased his pain so much and anyway it was snowing again and so cold without his top coat. He knew Christmas almost on him and he had to try again. Taking himself as close as possible to the edge of

lupin15

the river, he peer over the side of the wall. Another tramp had seen him and offered him one of his 4 coats...well it is nearly Christmas and something nice is suppose to happen!!!! He was feeling a little light headed but at least the pain from arthur had subsided. He gazed up into the dark night sky and looked at the twinkling stars....what was that in the distance??? What was that noise???

tjt6768

It was the Doobie Brothers, he could hear them in the distance singing 'Listen to the music'... Just what he needed after a few tokes on the old magic ciggie.. He went to the bar where it was coming from, it was full of old hippies and smelt of kaftans, spliffs and jossticks.. Boy, he thought, this is groovy, think I will stay a while but first for some bizzare reason I really want some sweets, now, where did I see that all night garage, he headed off toward it and............

tjt6768

At the speed of light... They managed to steer the ice of a fashion by leaning to one side or the other and missed all the obsticles in their way... Unbeknown to them though, a great white shark had swam into the channel while on his way to Skegness to visit his cousin, he'd got a bit lost though, turned left way too early.. Anyway, one of the stoners, erm, I mean, revellers spotted the fin breaking the surface...
"Sh-sh-shhh-shhhh-ark!!" he shouted, all of a sudden the ice began to crack apart, Fat Kev broke away on a piece the size of a two pence coin, the fin circling him,

tjt6768

The most basic of functions, he could however still 'imagine'... His mind wondered to a far away land, where he was King and Kylie was Queen, they would have a plethora of children and lots of 'busy' times in the boudoir!! Hubba hubba, he thought... He would be a good and fair King, he would only tax the rich and all the disabled folks would get free laptops and toilet rolls... Also he would......

tjt6768

messy hair of Boris Johnson out as well.. 'Bout time he had it cut he thought to himself.. Also he would declare 23rd April a Bank Holiday as it should be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )
He would have to

lupin15

and more bank holiday dates would be announced later. This is because Boris wanted to make sure that we had loads more bank hols to piss of Brussels and make it more difficult for them to book meeting..

lupin15

Santa looked up into the night sky and saw the reign deer practising with the new improved SS2010 sledge. What a sight it but who was steering??? It was....

Colin1

Colin his big red nose lit up the sky in front of him as went into his airobatics display trying to impress santa and the elves. He dived down skimming the river wher he saw fat kev standing on a small piece of ice with a shark circling him. As quick as a flash and at the spped of light ( Well ALmost ) he scooped up fat kev
and threw him in the back of the slay. My god said Fat kev i havent seen you for over a year, its ok i replied i'm used to dealing with pond and river monsters. Where can drop you off i asked Fat Kev Asda he replied i need to do my christmas shoping. I droped fat Kev at Asda and sped away on santas sled directly over the M57 when i thought to myself this is gr=etting a bit long so i
Colin

joanlawson

stopped off for a drink at the Cane and Able pub, where Colin had not been seen for a long time. Everyone was there, Alan D. Lord, Rehab, the Bunker Babes, and Fat Kev, who had finished his shopping for a new pink mankini.

Everyone was delighted to see Colin, with his amazing red nose which lit up the whole pub. Alan D. Lord announced that drinks were on the house, so everyone got merry in no time. There was much laughter, and Tony was dancing on the table when...........

tjt6768

he thought, "hang on a minute, how did I get up here???!!!"
I think my drink has been spiked by those pesky bunker babes.. I had better be careful tonight, I might end up..... :shock:

joanlawson

climbing that stairway to Heaven which the Cane and Able is famous for. But some of the bunker babes warned Tony to keep well away from it because it had become dangerous and full of splinters through overuse.

But before Tony could decide what to do, suddenly there was a loud noise, and everyone stopped dancing. They looked up, just in time to see.............

tjt6768

Fat Kev falling off the chair he was dancing on... In a bizzare series of events, him falling triiggered a horrible catastrophe.... As he fell, he grabbed hold of Joan the Bunker Babe's mini skirt, causing her to spin violently, spilling her stein of beer all over Colin's highly polished winkle pickers, this dismayed him somewhat, as he turned away in disgust he tripped over Tinkerbelle's flowing gown, grabbing the table Tony was dancing on to stop himself falling, this caused Tony to do a backflip like some kid from crap factor or whatever programme those kids who jumped about were on... He landed perfectly like some Olympian... As he spun around to the rapturous applause he knocked Lupin's triple vodka out of her hand, this went into Santa's

Colin1

Like Lord Rehab did last year and i cant think of anything worse than waking up naked in the snow in the middle of rush hour.
I quickly recovered myself and i could feel the eyes of the babes looking at me as i climbed down from the table. I remember thinking how the hell did i get up there with my arthritis. Its amazing what a brandy or two will do for you. I quicly ran outside followed by the babes i was lucky parked outsde in the street was the Smilie police Have you seen a man called tony they asked he dances everywhere he goes. I took one look at those mean looking smilie police and blerted out !!!

Colin1

I'm lost said colin has he mucked the whole thing up

lupin15

Mean while Santa's elves came to the rescue with more presents in another sledge and recovered the scattered gifts. The sledges were loaded up but the elves had forgotten to switch on the invisible cloak and little Tommy who was looking out of his bedroom window because of the noise that had been created in the street had work him up. Alfie looked up and saw Tommy at the window........

joanlawson

When little Alfie saw Tommy at the window, he thought he was just an ordinary common or garden cat. But this was no ordinary cat; it was Tommy Tucker, the famous Supercat from Derbyshire.



''I can make your wishes come true'', he said. ''What would you like me to do?'' Alfie was amazed and excited, so he asked for......

lupin15

He asked for a new coat, hat and gloves for both his mother and father along with water tight boots. They both had to walk miles to get to work and he wanted them to be both warm and dry. he asked that they could have enough food for Christmas and a little meat would be wonderful and last he asked for....

lupin15

if he could have a small toy train made of wood.