Bored how about a Christams tale...please join in.

lupin15

ummmm edible underwear encasing a ....

mellman01

A very large and angry badger!. :oops:

wooly-monkey

BADGER?

lupin15

Badger, BADGER....(think i have a stutter) He took his glasses off and gave them a clean...and there out of the corner of his eye he saw....

wooly-monkey

Super Banana Man

mellman01

Grinning wearing nothing but a mankini and a false moustache!, why haven't you got your cape on she cried?, I haven't got a cape on said banana man!, it's normally looks like that!. Oh sorry!, you mean my cock!, oh it's always hanging around I keep tripping over it, it's quite big isn't it?, I feed it lots and lots of fish very high protein don't u know?. It’s all muscle pick it up and have a feel! It’s a well trained hen is that?


well What did you think I meant???!. x:))

tjt6768

That large muscular thing was one of many reasons his name was banana man!!
He put it away and flew over to jeremy beadles house, not knowing that the bearded trickster had passed away he'd gone to collect the....

joanlawson

Chrisrmas pudding which he had been promised. But then suddenly the man with the beard playing the piano reappeared and said;

THIS IS GETTING VERY VERY SILLY
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. x:))

With that, Super Banana Man vanished into thin air, and she found herself once more whirling through space, until at last she landed in the garden of a beautiful house. The door was open, so she walked in. There she beheld a wondrous sight. It was........

tjt6768

Mellman in his pyjamas, he'd been waiting for her for five whole years..... Where the hell have you been woman? You only popped out for a pint of milk! She hung her head in shame, he was right as men always are, it was her fault... But she had no time for idle milk chit chat, she pushed him out of the way and headed for the coffee grinder, this would be ideal for a gift for the princess back in zimbabwe.... And with that she..........

joanlawson

decided to stop feeling guilty, as the realisation dawned on her that men are NOT always right. She had to break free. ''This is the last pint of milk I am ever going to fetch'',she said. ''Now I must fly to Zimbabwe to seek a new life. The princess has sent for me to help her in an important mission. She has asked me to.................''

lupin15

delboy wrote:

..... carry her luggage, do the dishes and launder her clothes as it's important she looks her best for the menfolk.

NO sorry about that folks wrong story line. Now back to get Christmas tale

She had heard whispers that Santa had gone missing........Interpol needed this be be checked out as a matter of urgency as Brussels were concerned that they would get no presents OR MONEY.....
Her personal thought was he had just buggered off for a holiday to ............

tjt6768

besides, he'd been on the atkins diet and his suit no longer fit, he'd also had a shave so would no longer qualify as santa, he looked more like kevin costner now..... He would have to find a replacement but who.. Who could possibly be fat enough to wear the suit for a start? He knew exactly who...........

lupin15

Hooray for fat kev.. x:D x:D x:D
Ummm now to track him down....has anyone have any intel on his where abouts? A reward will be given... ) ) ) ) )

lupin15

Ok what did you say....missed it again.

wooly-monkey

All the little children started to cry 'cos Santa had been deleted.
So they went running to Bananaman who put them on his back, hitched himself to a motor boat and took them flying through the water on Regents Park Lake where they could see the swans.

There was some ice there too so Santa gave them all a pair of ice skates.
They all started to..............

tjt6768

And after all that tinks lived happily ever after!
On the other hand fat kev was having a terrible time standing in for santa.. He hated kids... His hatred stemmed from the day a group of kids broke into his.....

robertls

I don't know what Tinkerbelle said.........

Any ideas anyone.......

Must have been very naughty........

Or are Mods. over reacting??????

So maybe she didn't live happily ever after!!!!

Maybe Tinkerbelle can elucidate.........

Rob x

mellman01

Secret store room in the back of the Cain and able bunker and stole his sling backs suspenders and gingham dress, they also took his beloved penguin glove puppet Mr Flipple who has powerful hex vision!

lupin15

to have developed a fear of CHRISTMAS....dun dun dunnnnnn....What will we do they all shouted.....

tjt6768

we'r shall have to celebrate ramadan instead, he thought, well he already had the beard..... So he went to the local mosque for some advice from his imam.... First he would have to................

joanlawson

convince all the children that Christmas was cancelled this year. They all began to cry and scream when they heard this terrible news, and their parents couldn't cope with all the tantrums and tears, so they begged the replacement Santa to put on his red suit and boots once again. As he did so, his phobia about Christmas seemed to disappear, and he actually began to enjoy his job. He went to get his sack, but then he noticed that it was moving. Something was wriggling inside it. What could it be? With fear and trepidation, he opened the sack, and there he saw................

tjt6768

An amazonian woman, wearing nothing but a few discreetly placed vines..... Hubba hubba, he thought, now I know why I agreed to do this job.... She grabbed him by the....... )

joanlawson

beard, and stared into his eyes.
''Who are you, and how did you get into my sack?'' he asked curiously.
''I don't know'', she replied. '' I was on a beach one minute, and the next thing I knew, everything went black. But now that I'm here, what can I do to help you, Santa?'' she asked.
Santa scratched his head and thought for a while. Then he had a marvellous idea......................

tjt6768

And wash up, mop the floors, dance around the pole etc, general wimmins work!
As an amazonian she found this highly offensive, but deep down knew that men were superior, she would do it... On her first day, she got to rummage through lord grumpmiesters sack, he was grinning like a cheshire cat! She pulled out a..........

lupin15

a wooden box with the most beautiful box covered with gems, gold and silver. She slowly opened the box and peered inside. She gasped.......