Advice kinda needed......

elnafinn

Dear Cris

I am so sorry to hear that things have not gone as they should have done recently. Thinking of you and yours and sending over love and strength for you at the start of a new week.

Love
Elna x(())

skezier

Hi Berty, Tracey, Maddie, Toni, Daisycat, Barbara, Chris, I and all

The re-runs are still happening but not like they were, they are not on a loop now thankfully......

I did all I could do, hell all anyone could do but it might have helped if I could have got him quicker... just she wouldn't let me and kept getting up.....

I don't think the next one will as she is one he brought in and with luck she has been foaled properly...... and will just do it with no problems.....

Had fun today, woke and couldn't get my back to agree to loading the car, then the fatigue hit again.... bit of armcharing and was woken by Slurps who decided she needed a hug.

Had to give Flower her last injection and decided I would see if she would let me wash her tail....... it was quite bad actually.

The sheep shed seemed like the place to take her but for reasons best known to them Flo ( her 2 year old) and Primmy (her yearling) had to come in too..... tis only a 12 x12 shed! Flower is about 15 hands, Flo is around 14. hands and Primmy is also about 14 hands and we are all in a small shed with Owns outside and wearing her very best psycho costume lunging over the makeshift door......

Got it done with only a few hoof raises... she is good natured cus she has never had this done to her before. Primmy seemed to think she should have all the attention and got insistent but she didn't get a tail wash cus all the lifting of the buckets actually hurt....

Had a hard time getting the psychopath away from the door to let them out as well Flower came out like a cork from a bottle and doesn't seem to trust me too much now.... I hope she will tomorrow.

The bones are stuffed, the muscles are as well, everything hurts and I don't know which way is up except I ain't falling over so must be this way eh? Been a long horrible week and its taken its toll really.

Berty If I am honest i know i saved the mare..... she matters to me so much but even had she not and you know what I think most of you would have done the same really... mind if you ever have to remember to pull in an ark towards the hocks.

The vet was talking about a snatch caesar (guaranteed the death of the mare) or a foalenectomy (you don't want to know what that is) wens morning so it really was serious......

Tracey and Maddie thank you both so much and Maddie is a little sweet heart and thanks for lending her to me

Oh Bre is settling in and I even managed to touch her and best of all her ladyship (she was acting up tonight ) is a lot less lame. We now have to find the lowest does to keep her there.....

Toni and daisycat Yep I did save her cuz she would have just carried on pushing til she was so weak she couldn't as he really was stuck...... very deep chested but the presentation might have been slightly wrong and only has to be a very small bit out and there is a problem. This one was stuck.... I don't know why but he was stuck.....

daisy you getting some good at the pc now...

Barbara Love and hugs coming back to you and i am a bit better today. I am not having the loop replay thing and the bones are slightly less vocal than yesterday but I am still so tired and have no energy what so ever....

Hey its midnight so happy birthday!

Chris I did a bit of sheep cuddling and sat in their old she talking to them. Wish came and victimised me cus she knew i had some custard creams and bre stood back but nearly sniffed my hand... might get her tame yet eh?

Sorry work was so busy and hope you get a decent kip and wonkers isn't too bad in the morning

I I promise ready hacked For sure at this rate I am also the proud owner of a psychopath costume if needed

Hope the mtx is going ok? Just jabbed mine in and was relived its not the same sized needle as Flower had..... pink and huge I don't want

Oh for got to tell you all i got the camera capsule the same day as the midline, be handy to have to go there as I will already be there is that makes sense?

You all take care and leaving you all a (((( )))) and a hope and a thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me get through this. Cris xxx

Hi Elna you snuck in. many thank flower it is the start of a new week and with luck it will go well and Flower won't go backwards now she has had the last jab.

Hope your doing ok and that foot it holding up? ((( ))) and a hope xx

mummyb

Hi Cris, I was just popping by and wanted to send you some hugs and buckets of tlc. Sounds like you have had an awful time but I know you would have done all that you could for your precious horses, you always do and those creatures know how much you care about them. Sending you buckt loads of calmness, peace and serenity, and a skip load of energy to see you through. Please don't forget to look after yourself, much love and best wishes, Brenda ((((((((xxx))))))))

barbara12

Thanks for the Birthday wishes Cris....I hope the re runs go away very soon, I tell you only the good feel guilty......you take care of yourself

skezier

Hi Brenda and Babara,

I useless today..... the back just packed its bags and gone. It is tethered so it will have to come back but I think it knew I was thinking of trying to do the sheep fence......

Its time they came out now and Bre must be settled enough to not be silly.... lets hope she wasn't going cus of fence breaking They are being dug out this week... now thats way beyond me to do so gt a lad willing to do it..... paid him 3 months ago :roll: Anyway its meant to be this week but i have to get the fence fixed before they can come out....

The re-runs are still bothering me and I have huge guilt and some of it is possible fair..... had there been 2 of me etc.....

Owns is looking like she might be, another mare who has big foals.....I kinda was scared by big foals now I am more than that....

What are the chances of it going wrong though and hopefully they will not foal drip week cus I want be here that simple.....

You both take care and Brenda its good to see you again, and Barbara you have a lovely day. ((((( ))))) to you both. Cris xx

stickywicket

skezier wrote:

I have huge guilt and some of it is possible fair..... had there been 2 of me etc.....

You're quite right, skezier. You are entirely to blame for there not being two of you!!

Come on now, even superwoman has her limits. You rest up a bit and make sure you tell me when to start work again.

julie47

Morniing cris

Just popping in to give you more ((((()))) hugs and say I am still thinking about you.

Love Juliepf x

skezier

Hi Sticky,

Well if you look at it like that never realized just how irrational guilt can be

I didn't even have a head collar.... have now and a lunge rein and you know what it will be different even if I get kicked next time.

That mare must foal ok...... I will never be able to handle another bad one.. 5 good last year so it has got balance eh?

Hey her tail is really clean (((( )))) and your foal alarming early this next time..... xx

Hi Julie,

Thanks for the hugs feeling sorry for my self cus the back wrists, elbows and neck have all gone for all out revolution... can hardly stand, had trouble getting out of bed and got the shakes if I do managed to stand up.....

and i going fencing....... :roll:

The drugs and a bit f movement must help soon....

Hope you had a god weekend and hi to your oh. (((( )))) xx

dreamdaisy

I've read through from p31. Ye gods, woman, how the hell do you do it? I dunno what to say, the shed is very impressive, when are the plumbing and electrics going in? The sheep will need hot and cold running water and a plasma telly for entertainment (Sean the Sheep on a loop). As for the foal, sometimes skezier some things are not meant to be, and that baby was one of them. Heartbreaking yes, but there is absolutely no need for self-recrimination of any kind. The owner failed you and his mare, you did all you could - and more - you are not at fault. Not in any way.

Having asked about wonky I saw she posted on your thread, it's good to know she is still about. Please take care of yourself, pace yourself as much as you can, you have had a very very tough time, both physically and emotionally, you need to be kind to yourself for a while now. Please. Do your best to look after you as well as you look after the Ark. DD

skezier

Hi DD,

Its a good shed but a friend came and put the planks on... he did it in an after non... put me to shame and bless him he didn't mind doing it! Nice guy and i was drinking tea and having a really good chat with my other friend his oh. We did look out the door and offer encouragement though from time to time. Its just great its all come together... even with holes cus I didn't get the frame straight....

They will indeed have electric and radio... Ilk used to love watching tv, she seem particularly fond of Morse... maybe she liked opera

Wish used to watch cartons on my lap! She is definitely too big for that now.....

Wonky is ok but has had a bit of a bad time. Have told her about the post and waiting to hear from her. Will let you know when I do. (((( )))) and I will have to listen at the mo but it is easing off a bit.... enough for fencing.... not yet! :roll: xx

bertyboy

Hi Cris things will be ok next time i know its a worry and that is a natural instinct , you will be there for them , hugs a bundle and a birthing reminder to the pregrent ones that day times are better xx

dreamdaisy

I am sitting here, stunned and amused. The mental image of sheep tuning in to the radio, or watching a bit of telly - I was avin a larf and - bless you - they are going to have electrics! Do they know how lucky they are? DD

madwestie

Cris, i have added the metal image of you with a sheep on your lap to the one of you with a sheep in your bed :shock: i had enough trouble when my brother's labrador used to sit on my lap.

Now if you continue to blame yourself i will have to have a word with Maddie and she will sort you out when she comes round tonight. ( I did tell you i was sending her until you stopped blaming yourself) she says can she have raspberry jam with ther cream tea tonight for a change. i did wonder why she was getting a bit porky.

It is really great to hear about bre she is settling in really well.

Maddie is up for foal watch with sticky again, so just let her know when she is needed.

Love Tracey and kisses from Maddie

tillytop

Hey Cris

Sounds as if the shed is really coming together now - and WOT a shed

Thinking of you - have left tea and CDM in the usual place.

Love, ((()))s, and a deer nudge

Tilly xxx

skezier

Hi Berty, DD, Tracey, Tilly and all,

So is this summer then, cold and windy with hint of rain again..... another bad year for hay isn't going to be good..... Sorry quick rant that should have gone to the sky...... Just its cold out there and maybe the fates read this site

They certainly have messed with us at least

Feeling a bit less drained today thought it was hard to wake up! I got out of bed by sitting up (have had to roll out since Thursday) and wasn't quite so drunk and wobble... that means the back is settling down to its normal c*** now......

Still got to get some fencing done but it can be done slow..... it will have to be :roll:

I need to think about shearing the girls as well... bre wil be hard so a one hit go on her I think but its an easy to get off fleece.... unlike wish who has a much closer and denser fleece....

Sorry this don't make sense does it?!

Berty I am sure your right and the next will be ok but its all a bit scary still. Thankfully she will be later on as if they were due about the same time I would have had a breakdown by now :shock: She isn't bagged up yet so we have at least 3 weeks and I think it might be the end of next month but can't be sure as she is one he brought in and she only came her after her foal was born last year so no idea when that was.... the owner doesn't know.... xx

DD Wish spent a lot of time on my lap and in doors as she was a bit sickly. Ilk was inside a lot cus she was born feb 6th and I got her feb the 6th as well so she was very dependent and it was a cold year.... they both liked the tv and radio..... see I think the people who made Shaun had studied 'pet' (hell I hate that word) sheep.

The horses congregate out side and Owns tends to turn up about the time Shaun is on..... she also seems to like cartoons... watches them through the window.... I will shut up now..... xx

Tracey Ilk on the bed was bad news..... pinned me down half the night and some of the morning and I couldn't move her.... nose to nose most the time.....She was the best sheep I ever met and such a character but pin down was to be discouraged

Maddie helped and I know your right its just the re-runs and the sadness i feel about it all going so horribly wrong every way it could basically..... Please let the next one foal ok.... Will be out my head with worry that week and welded to her side for sure... unless its drip week... I can't cancel that though cus I realized last night just how much I need it. Its worm off for sure and I am double or tripled whammied re fatigue.

Could someone tell this lot that please xx

Tilly Aaaaa the deer is sheeparized and ate the chocolate! I did forgive him and just happened to have some he helped me eat. The cuppa and the peace much needed and have left you a ((((( ))))) without legs and a cuppa on the bench xx

Right this is no good I shall have to do a ton of stretching and moving to get these stupid bones to at least think abut playing. You all have a good day and leaving hugs for them that need. Cris xxx

psyart

hi cris ~ you are really hard on yourself arnt you :?: :?: why :?: :?: there is only so much any person can do ~ if it was one of us what would you be saying to us :?: :?: :!:

you also have to think about all the animals there :?: if you push yourself to the limits what will happen ~ yes you must do your best for each one but as DD said ~ its owner let them down not you. you have given so much and more to them ~ that is all they can ask for :?: if it was up to the owner would they both have died :?:

please take comfort from the fact that you did do your utmost for them even if the end results were not good # hope that makes sense and doesnt sound too harsh :!: :!:

you take care my lovely and rest when you can ~ you are achieving more in a few days that I could do in a year and for that I am proud to know you as my cyber friend and you are a strong & brave woman ~ please please rest when you can :!:

Im sure we have some more sun coming soon :!: :!:

Louise xxx

skezier

Hi Louise,

How are you doing? I do think about you and always feel its nice when you have posted somewhere as I kinda worry if you don't.

I know your right but my heart is still stuck i the back field trying to revive a dead foal.... its hard cus you see it was as well he did die... his mum had no milk, she had had very bad toxemia, she was very weak and i don't known as I could have done the 2 hourly feeds.... I just don't know if I could have done and a very small selfish bit thinks it was better I didn't have to try.. so you see there is a reason for the guilt and I haven;t quite worked through it.

i would have done if I felt better but I feel shift and so tired and so drained and wished beyond wished... in fact been scat with a pounder...... again.... That's without the emotional junk add that in and it was a big tracer driven ponder :roll:

The bones have eased a bit and the spine isn't as bad and Flower is a lot better though she is a bit unsure of me just now.... that's sad but I did inject her for 5 days.....

leaving you a ((((( ))))) and a hope your ok and things are a little easier for you Maid. Love and a coffee Cris xx

chris7

Hi Cris

Yes I am up too late too! What are we like eh! :roll: I know we won't really convince you to let go of the guilt so easily, it was a bad situation all round for the mare and wee one, but I am guessing this one just wasn't meant to be as sad as that is. I am sure you are still questioning the whole process with "what ifs" we are all guilty of those at times. Tis ok to do that for a while, but I hope each day they back off a little. You know I do understand the "what ifs" bit as well as the boxes! :???:
Love and hugs to you and Flower and I hope you deal with things together. I know the chores keep you busy, but just leaving some more stamina and cope with a side order of hugs and healing. ((((( )))))
Chris xx

skezier

Hi Chris,

See my trained head knows it was a doomed situation when she became so ill on the Tuesday night.... something was making the toxemia and I don't believe her mastitis was bad enough to have produced that amount of toxic build up and she had no temp... so it was likely to be coming form the foal.....

but my heart wont have that! It just wont have it... its quite strong in its control of me as well..... Its getting easier but it going to take a while and Chris in a pat life I lost one of my own... he was overdue, his mum just would foal. You can't induce then as its dangerous to the mare.

Anyway she started to foal, I rang the vets (who didn';t bother to come till 9.30 in the morning and I spoke to him at 01.57) the lad came out at double the size he should have been (sghe was a TB and their foals are not usually more than 80lbs and he was 140!) and got stuck 5 times.... he was dead and again I tried the mouth to mouth to no avail.... had him pm'd and well he had birthing trauma and a ruptured liver.... i did that freeing him off but you can;t not free them and it can go wrong as they are stuck for a reason......That's why big foals scare me and why this has hit me so hard I think......

I did free this one but only the once and that wouldn't have damaged him and I know that. he didn't have to be twisted to get him unstuck in the later stages.... he got stuck once and some of that was her weakness so I didn't kill him..... but thats the box and time I shut up.....

You get to bed cus i nicked the lump hammer back from Iris i think and I am not scared to use it

Hope you have had a reasonable time at wonkers and leaving a ton of hugs and tea. Love Cris xxx

tjt6768

Hi Cris.. Sorry I've only just caught up with this one.. I've not read back the whole way but have gleaned enough to know bad news..

I just wanted to send my sympathies to you mi dear, I know how much these animals mean to you...


Your useless at keeping up with things pal
Tony :oops:

bertyboy

As you know Cris i know how thoughts run through the head and all the what ifs , but you where there for each of the mares to comfort and care after and i am sure they know that , somethings are just not meant to be , you could not have done more , hugs a bundle still with tissues if needed , xxx

dreamdaisy

You won't let this go until you have run it through your head a thousand times or more - 'tis your way, 'tis how you think and feel and 'tis what makes you the help you are to the Ark. Run it through, yes, but do not beat yourself up about what could have been or what might have been: some things are not meant to be, yes? This was one of those things. Your comfort is that you did all you could: acceptance of that will come with time. I send you some love and a few of these: ((((())))) DD

stickywicket

Skezier, I'm completely with DD on this. It's good to look over things that go wrong. I do it too - take them apart & try to fathom out how it could have been different & how it will be different if ever there's another time.

But, after that, you've just got to let it go, my love. Do what you can (and you'll always do your best - we all know that), learn what you can, move on. If you don't move on you'll be wasting precious physical and emotional strength that'll be needed elsewhere.

So, get on with it or I'll be down from this roof, I'll nick that lump hammer and knock some sense into you. Right?

julie47

cris I am sorry that you are still hurting about the foal.

Hope you stop hurting soon

Hugs ((((((())))))
Love Juliepf x

dachshund

Hi Cris.
i'm so sorry for you and the mare must be feeling lost,
it was not your fault no one could have done any better.
take care i wish you some good luck its about time.
joan xx