Tony's Dad.

minky67

Hi Tony, Im so sorry to hear that your dad has passed away.
My thoughts are with you.
Sending many (((((()))))) debs

joanlawson

Tony, you are going through one of the worst times, and anyone who has lost a parent knows how you are feeling at the moment.

I'm glad to hear that you have spent the day in bed as you really need to look after yourself as much as possible.

It's evident from this thread that you have so many friends who are thinking about you, including me.

Take care ((((((( ))))))))
Joanxx

bubbadog

Hey Tony, I know how you must be feeling, when our dad passed I lived on auto-pilot for a month I think, to be honest I don't remember a lot from the day of finding out to after the funneral it's all a blur! I don't know how I got through, but it hit me like a train on one of the days we started to sort his house out. My sister-in-law said I went to stand up to do something and I was swaying and I just slumped into the chair. I had completely burned myself out! So be careful my friend you don't realise your doing it. So make sure you do what you need to but also give yourself time to rest. Otherwise you will be no help to anyone. I know what it was like when we had so much to do and we needed the death certificate and it felt like you where waiting for forever to get it. My friend you take care and remember to rest when you can! I send ((((HUGS)))) to Janet, yourself and your family.

dreamdaisy

Hello Tony, I know that today was going to be a very difficult one - I hope an answer has been provided. [[[]]] DD

GraceB

Tony,
I'm so sorry to read of your sad loss. I don't think it matters when you lose a parent - whether you are a child or an adult - the sense of loss and disbelief is still there.
Please give yourself as much time as you need. Try and rest when you can and take care of yourself.
My sincerest condolences to you and your family on this very sad news.
Take care,
GraceB

valval

morning pal just thought would drop off some more ((())) thinking of you val

tjt6768

Those hugs are definitely needed.

At last they have done the post mortem. Natural causes. His heart was in a real bad way and the arteries were very badly furred..
We have been telling him for years to get back to the cardio lot. He had two stents in about twenty years ago and suffered constant engine but wouldn't go get it seen to.

Thanks every so much everyone. I'm sorry I've not been around to support you all.
My joints are terrible right now. I had to drive Dad's manual car earlier to take it to the garage. They would have collected but it would have been a while and mum just wanted it gone.

dreamdaisy

No apologies are needed Tony, you have a great deal on your plate at the moment and you know we're always here.

It's cold comfort to know why he died but at least that is known and now further arrangements can be made. Rest as much as you can when you can, OK? [[[]]] DD

bounce

Hi Tony and all the family.

Im sending you lots of hugs and my support to all of you at this very hard time in your lives.

Parents never listen to what their kids tell them no matter what age these kids are, my dad always forgot I was in my late 40's and thought I was still to be protected from what life throws at you. :roll:

I can understand about the car being got out of the way, and it put so much stress and strain on your joints, so you keep up with the rest, sleep and the paindullers, as you need to really look after yourself at the moment,

And Hey, its at these times where people support you and not the other way around, :-) you take good care of yourself and your family.

sending girly luv n stuff to you all and big comforting hugs too,

Julie

XXXX

tjt6768

Thanks DD, Julie. X

I'm shattered right now.. I will rest tomorrow as we won't be using the car much. Skegness will be chaos as there is a festival.. The last thing I would want to do is take the car into town lol.
I have a cousin in mablethorpe that we may go see. He's Dad's nephew do I reckon we should, or he'll come to us whatever.

My God, what am I gonna do with all these girlie and wimmin hugs lol :shock:
Xxx

dreamdaisy

Enjoy them - and persuade the cousin to come to you. DD

stickywicket

Definitely with DD on this. He should come to you. At the very least, meet up somewhere half way.

bounce

Enjoy every moment of them, especially as you are a married man.

I agree with DD and Stickywicket, get the nephew to come to you, or meet halfway as previously said, it will be acceptable either way.

Dont forget you have to have some recovery time to yourself you know, or if you dont and you fall flat on your face, who is going to "pick you up"????

its so easy to push yourself further then you can go, and that is before you realise it, been there, done that and got the t-shirt as they say.........

You really cant add physical and mental exhaustion to the list.

you take care now

Love Julie a.k.a. mother hen, :oops:

tjt6768

Thanks girls..

Him coming here would be easier. I really hurt myself this afternoon. :roll: I got the wrong bus back from dropping the car off I'm skeggy town.. I've only been coming here all my life.. I guess that's what auto pilot does to you. I had to walk down the long road to Mum's.. Had legs strapped up at least.
Boy they hurt now though....
Still can't believe I got the wrong bloody bus.. Idiot... :x

I can't sleep, in pain and mind is going ten to the dozen... Pass the hammer someone?

Numptydumpty

It just goes to show, your head's all over the place. (not surprisingly)
Please take care of you.
Thinking of you.
Fondest wishes,
Numpty((((())))))

dreamdaisy

Morning mate, I hope you managed to get some sort of sleep and that you are not too bad this morning. I know, I know, stupid words.

It's no wonder you caught the wrong bus, trying to focus on the mundane is a real challenge when there is so much going. It seems to me that as usual you are trying to be Superman and doing everything. Please don't. Those around you need to be thinking about you a little more than they are but I guess that's families for you, there's usually one who is the 'go-to' bod and in this case it seems to be you. Delegate as much as you can, please, for your sake; there is still some way to go with arrangements etc and you cannot keep up this pace. DD

barbara12

Oh Tony...no wonder you got the wrong bus back...its such a bad time for you .....and with the pain on top...so if hugs are helping here's some more
((((((()))))) to keep you going...and you know we are always here for you.xx

pinkbritishstars

really sorry to read about your Dad passing away Tony.

Thinking of you and your family.

Pink xx

dachshund

Hello Tony
you have going through such a lot lately so i'm sending you some hugs.
((((((((tony and janet))))))))
take care we are thinking about you.
joan xx

applerose

I've been away from a while so only just catching up. So sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my mum last year so know about being on autopilot. Please take care of yourself and rest as much as possible. I agree that you should delegate and not try to do everything yourself. I hope you are all coping and managing to remember the good times. (((hug)))

mig

Hi Tony,Hope you are able to rest a little,thinking of you and your family.(((()))) Mig

joanlawson

Hi Tony, DD and others have given you very good advice about delegating and not trying to be superman, so I won't add any more, except to try to get as much rest as you can. ( not easy when you have so much going on, I know )
I hope you manage to sleep tonight. The hammer seems a bit drastic, and I can't carry one to Skeggy.
Joan ((((( )))))

tjt6768

hi girls..
Once again, I thank you with all my heart. I just don't seem to know what I'm doing at the minute.. My grey matter wasn't the best in the world to start with.

I know that you are right about the delegating, but there is just me, Mum, Janet, my youngest brother Daniel and his six yr old Benjamin here. I obviously can't ask Mum or Janet to do more, and Daniel has a heart of gold but he really is useless.. Me, Janet & Daniel got the bus to town for some bits from the supermarket today, Daniel carried everything bless him. He's great that way but is really not practical at all. He struggles to look after himself.. Lol
We had a nice bbq this evening, I couldn't eat much though. Appetite is as rubbish as ever.
Benjamin is a Godsend being here, he's such a lovely young lad but a bundle of energy..
We took him up to the beach earlier and on the trampolines. I think it's done all of us some good him being here.
Tonight he wrote a lovely letter to my Dad.. I've no idea how we all kept dry eyes.

We had a nice slow walk along the seafront earlier too... I managed, thanks to the knees strapped up tight and some yummy diazepam.. I really needed to do it. I was just fed up of driving. I'm feeling it now but it's not so bad. I've had much worse lol..
I fell asleep around ten but woke around two. Haven't managed to get back to sleep yet.. I can't get the sound of mi poor Dad screaming in pain out of my head.
It took them over an hour to get to him..
Janet asked the coroner if the ambulance getting here quicker would have helped, sadly it would have made no difference to the outcome, Dad was dying at that point. His arteries were so badly furred up nothing would have really helped. Even though the surgeon managed to clear the clots from his legs, everything else was blocked or blocking..
I'm sorry I'm writing this, I hope it does not offend anyone, but it just helps.

I cannot believe he has gone... My brain won't process it at all.

We are now staying in skeg till monday at the earliest. Have to go into town to register the death.
Then we should be able to return to Leeds to start arranging the funeral.
My Mum wants people to wear bright colours, preferably Leeds shirts. Dad would have loved that.
I don't know how BUT I am going to be one of the six pole bearers.
Adrenaline should see me through and all joints will be very strapped up.

God I'm wittering..

I'm really happy I have you lot. These are burdens/whingings I wouldn't want to place on my wonderful Janet.
It's our 25th Wedding anniversary soon. I love that wummun more and more every day.

Right. Maybe I should try to sleep again.

Has anyone heard if Skezier is alright? I really should get in touch. I hope she's ok.

G'night folks...

stickywicket

Tony, I for one am not a bit ‘offended’ by your writing up the details of your father’s death. It must have been a horrible, frightening time for all of you but at least some comfort to know that an earlier ambulance would have made no difference to the outcome.

As for delegating – you know it does help with the grieving process if people do all these unpleasant but necessary things. Let others help, especially Daniel. People do tend to get ‘tagged’ in families – great if your tag is ‘the brainy one’ or ‘the good one’ but not so great if you’re ‘the useless one’ or ‘the black sheep’. You say ‘Benjamin is a lovely young lad’ so his Dad must be good at some things. Please let him help more. It’s often quicker and easier to do stuff ourselves but better for everyone, long term, if we don’t.

As for your being a pall bearer, please, please think again. I know in some families there is still a lot of pressure on the men to do this but there is no loss of dignity in using the undertakers’ trolleys (We did for my Mum and Dad) and a huge potential catastrophe if you don’t, whether because your joints aren’t up to it or because you’re so spaced out on meds. You may feel that you’re doing it for your Mum’s sake but, if it all goes wrong, you will have done her no favours.

I so hate risking upsetting you more at a time like this and I’ve written this post after a great deal of thought and soul searching. You may well ignore it; you may even be angry with me for writing it. At the end if the day, I think it needs to be said for your sake and for everyone else’s and, for your sake and everyone else’s, I’m prepared to take the consequences. ((()))

barbara12

Tony you witter away like you say its a big help...bless..bit by bit you will get there..your brother and son sound so lovely...has for Janet....you are both each others rock...and I am sure you will have a lovely anniversary...you both deserve it. xx