Tony's Dad.

diamond

Still thinking of you Tony try to rest up when you can.xx

bubbles

hi hun, in now way at all are you wittering, I know just how you feel. Days, hours, minutes, all seems to be almost surreal, as if walking through treacle. I found sorting things out for Mum a great help, as if I was taking on Dad's role. I also remember the shouts of pain at times. Things like that seem to lodge in our minds and I asked myself a 1000 times, what more could we have done, being a nurse is not always a good thing, as I could see what was happening.
Some things you forget, or your mind blocks them out, as if periods of time never existed. Remembering last summer is impossible to me.
I know you will be in pain, physically and mentally, but do try and rest when you can. I took a little extra diazepam for a few days, (I told my GP and he said "fine", whatever you need). Pills are not always the answer, but the body does need to rest and if medication helps, then so be it.
Your lovely family will keep you strong, as you will be for them.

Do take lots of care, thoughts and prayers are with you all. XX Bubbles

dreamdaisy

There will be memories which will stay raw for a good while yet but they will fade with time. I agree with Sticky, there is no need for you to be a pall bearer, your role will be to support your mum both emotionally and physically, let her lean on your arm and keep her by your side throughout. That's what Mr DD did for my mum at my dad's cremation (I was busy doing the more 'social' side of things) and it's the only bit she remembers of that day. Let the undertakers provide the bearers. DD

valval

if you can not share with us who can you tell as you say the others have enough going on we will all be with you to carry the coffin if it what you feel you must do but others need you so think about it and do what you feel is right. you will get through this you are a strong person who cares for others. you can rest later(if you feel you have to go on now) you know what you can mannage better than any one and i trust you to rest when you can .sending positive thoughts and ((())) your way val

[Deleted User]

Hello Tony,
I am so sorry to hear that your dad passed away.
I am thinking of you and your family.
Be strong.
Love,

tjt6768

replied once and just as I passed send my phone died :x

Sticky mi dear.. I know you've got a good heart and how much you care so I would never be upset with anything you say hun.. In fact, I thank you once again for being a good friend, ditto with all if you..
I will however be ignoring you :shock: And will definitely carry the coffin. There will be six of us so it should be ok. Plus I'll be drugged up a fair bit
It's something I have to do for me folks.. I can do one last thing for him. And I can recover later.

Thank you thank you thank you

A whole bloody heap of Yorkshire Blokey Hugs for you lot to share out between ya.

I'm sorry if I've forgotten to answer anyone. My mind is mush.. Have just been listening to the tracks that Mum wants playing at the funeral..

barbara12

Tony I knew you would carry the coffin...we will all be there helping you along...and I for one are very proud of you.
You take care and get has much rest as poss...(((((()))) xx

valval

you know we are so proud of the strong person you are and will be thinking of you will not jump in your pocket you will have enough to carry but will be sending strenth to help you through val

stickywicket

(((()))) Still thinking of you. Still disagreeing with you. Still caring very much about you.

tjt6768

thank you once again

Numptydumpty

Still thinking of you.
You have to do what you have to do. We will all be here to support you.
Numpty

deedeeitsme

Thinking of you at your family at this sad time. x Dee x

tkachev

My sincere apologies Tony as I've only just seen this post. I have lost both parents, my dad also died of a heart attack while recovering in hospital, my Mum from a blood clot. I feel your pain.

Take care of yourself and your family.

Elizabeth

applerose

Tony, you come on here and witter as much as you want. I know how much it helps. We are all here for you and will be with you on the day whatever you decide to do. I remember mum not being able to breath. She had emphysema and I always felt she was slowly suffocating. After she went, I felt relieved, in a way, as she was no longer suffering, no longer in pain. After a year, I still look at her picture and wonder when she will be back. It does get easier to cope with and the good memories become more than the bad memories. In time and when you are ready. Take care.

joanlawson

Tony, I think you are doing a fantastic job in the way that you are supporting your Mum and the rest of your family through this very difficult time. Your Dad would be so proud of you, as all your friends on here are too.
I can understand exactly why you want to help to carry the coffin, although SW and DD have both given you sensible advice. But probably being sensible doesn't come in to it if you feel strongly about it. I know that it is your way of showing your love and respect for your Dad, so that will carry you through, despite the pain involved for you.
As I keep saying to you, but it might be falling on deaf ears, take care of yourself and get as much rest as possible.
Love to you and Janet
Joanxx

tjt6768

Bless you all.. Once again I will say thank you.

I'm just so tired right now, today has been an awful day of trying to get the coroner to get in touch with the registry officer here in skeggy so we can start arranging the funeral. It's breaking Mum's heart having to wait like this. I had to carry on with the registry office this afternoon as they refused to get us an appointment any earlier than next friday..
I asked what they would have done had Dad been Muslim or Jewish as I believe they have to be buried within twenty for hours I think...
He told me that they would get an emergency appointment. So I've told them that they should give my Dad the same courtesy and get us an emergency appointment. And if they wouldn't it would be discrimination.. I've to ring in the morning to see if the registrar will be willing to do an out of hours appointment. (they told me that they definitely would for the above religions) why should Christians be discriminated against? I'm so bloody angry with their response today. The bloke even laughed when I mentioned that other religions would get better treatment. All I can say is I lost my temper at that point and told him in my very own way that he should stop laughing straight away. It's a good job he was on the phone because if he'd have done that in front of me I would have clobbered him.
There will be yet another complaint being written..

mig

Oh Tony lifes such a bitch.Mig

tjt6768

we are all tired hun. And just want to be able to start the process of laying mi poor Dad to rest.
Only good thing today is that the funeral directors have gone well beyond expectations.. They've arranged to be able to pick Dad up from nottingham tomorrow even without the death certificate or the green card thing from the registrar.
This has been such a dreadful thing to go through from the very first night Dad became ill. I know for sure that I won't be happy if Mum's living here and she becomes poorly. Lincolnshire have really let us down so far..
I just want things to be sorted for mi Mum, it's taking such a toll on her. Well, all of us in fact but I'm extremely worried about Mum. She means the world to me. I hate seeing her so upset.
Sorry, waffling again..
:roll:
Thanks Mig.
Everyone on here have been so good and the support has been fantastic. I hope that I can repay you all in some way or other once this is all over with.

mig wrote:

Oh Tony lifes such a bitch.Mig

dreamdaisy

The beaurocracy side of things is a nightmare at times like this. Your lives have been shaken up in some ghastly kaleidoscope of horror, and still continue to be, but the lives of those who have become involved in this have not. This is a far from easy situation, Tony, and you getting so wound up is helping no-one least of all your mum. Please try to stay as calm as you can, things will take their course in time. Hang on in there. DD

valval

i am sorry you came up against such a jobs worth it not on. all family's should be treated with the same respect and as quick as possible there is no excuse for disrespect. but pal the stress will be doing neither you or your mum any good. try to take a step back you have a long way to go and need all your strenth to get through val

tjt6768

thanks DD, Val..
I'm still very wound up at that @7$013 thinking it was funny.. It was disgraceful.
I wish I could chill out but I'm very stressed.. Joints know all about it :roll:
I've had a diazepam as well as mi naproxen etc... I think thumping that idiot would have made me feel a lot better :x
Most of you know how easy going I normally am and that this ain't like me but I've had enough of being messed around. Mum is talking about going to the newspapers over the while farce. Not least of which was the fact that my Dad was made to wait well over an hour screaming in pain for the ambulance...

Really wish I drank right now, maybe that would help.. Then again, knowing myself in my drinking days I'd probably want to hunt that fella down.. I was a bugger for fighting when drunk. I was stupid but grew out of it lol..

7worlds

Hey Tony. I have been reading through your thread, and i have to say im really disgusted with how yourself and your family are being treated.Its not like these people dont deal with these things. Its their job, for heavens sake!! Here in Northern Ireland burials take place in a few days, and i think it does seem to be better for families under such sad circumstances. Your such a lovely person, Tony. God bless you and your family at this sad time.

7worlds

Colin1

Tony " my Mate " I'm so sorry, my own father is in hospital very ill.
Pleae except our condolences Colin Mrs C and Family.

joanlawson

Tony, you have been badly let down all the way by people who should have been helping your Dad and your family. I can hardly believe the attitude of the person you spoke to at the registry office. How unprofessional to laugh when you expressed your frustration at the way things were being handled! At least the funeral directors are doing their job properly, so hopefully things will be sorted out soon.
DD is right; try to stay calm or you will wear yourself out completely. You WILL get through this dreadful time eventually, even though it might not seem like it at the moment. Take one step at a time, and try not to worry too much about your Mum. She is probably stronger than you think, although I'm sure she is very proud of the way you are dealing with things.

tjt6768

7worlds, thank you ever so much. That is very kind of you..

Colin, thanks Rkid, and I really hope that your Dad is ok..

Joan, bless you mi dear.

I'm going to phone the registry office as soon as they open, quarter to nine.. We are dropping Daniel and Benjamin off at the train station soon.. Ben is really missing his mum and brothers. So we bought them a train ticket.

We hope to be following them back to Leeds at some point today. I am going to demand an appointment today.

I'm still wound up I'm afraid.... I don't lose my temper very often as I'm sure that you've all guessed..

Better get ready to get them to the station.

Bless you all.