Why Ra is what he is..

frogmorton

PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

l don't know about you pair but l am exhausted! has Ra invented a tonic.....'medicinal compound for instance??'

Love

Toni xx

tjt6768

No, but he did each Lilly the pink everything she knew :shock: :shock:

He once fired Alan Sugar.. He knows the real identity of 'The Banker'.. Has five Blue Peter badges.. Invented:
Cargo pants, garage music, mullets, He Man, bi-foculs, toast, lemongrass, the wonderbra, angels, fingerprints, cabbages, chicken stock, and much more...............

joanlawson

The wonderbra :shock: :?: :?: Now I know who to ask to solve my problem ( see the Grump thread )

I should have thought of Ra, that wonderful supercat :!:

dreamdaisy

I think some have passed your notice Tony: badminton, British racing green, sandwiches, time itself, Tupperware, the fake logs for gas fires, Yankee candles, porcelain, ice cube bags, Murano glass, felt tip pens, tissues, he actually IS Bill Gates (the humanoid with that moniker is Ra's stand-in) and those small packs of tissues for handbags and, of course, handbags. (Mind you, it's a chicken-and-egg situation re the tisues and handbags. ) DD

tjt6768

Thanks ladies. He is indeed a wonder cat. Thanks for the list DD, I had indeed missed some out.

He also invented.....
Jelly moulds, scarlet fever, ghosts, trap door - the claymation series, rounders, footmen, Fats Domino, snakes, fruit, glam rock, the number 95, shins, quinine, poetry, hardship, Louth, space dust, shovels, dimmer switches, the inch, Les Dawson, head butting, belly button fluff, Paul Gascoine, dirty weekends and yep... Much much more.

dreamdaisy

You utter, utter clot! I thinks I loves ya. DD

tjt6768

don't say that, Ra gets jealous :shock: Lol

While I sit here in the car on a hot sunny day, I remember some more things he had invented...


Warmth, lug nuts, gristle, thermals, dentistry, books, alex higgins, head lice, the sound of music, walter mathau's jowels, arabs, cork, inflatable beds, fun, stalks, nutters, wheel balancing, rod hull, porridge, the breakfast and popular prison based tv series, filth and many many more things...

tjt6768

He once broke into the tower of London, stole the crown jewels and replaced them with cubic zerconia bought from argos.. To this day nobody has noticed, I've no idea what he did with the originals, neither has he.. Apparently he was on a bender with Keith Richards.. They met through a mutual friend, Jimi Hendrix.. Who by the way is still alive, he faked his own death because the Chinese were after one of the rare and powerful whiskers Ra had given him from his very own face.. The whisker was where Jimi gained his amazing guitar abilities... The Chinese had found out Jimi had one and wanted it for their own rock God in the making Jimi Wong.. They would do anything to get hold of one of these rare whiskers. Jimi couldn't take it anymore and gave his whisker to a young black American boy with dreams of becoming President one day.... So now Jimi lives in Halifax, he spends his days knitting, his second passion after the guitar. Once in a while he'll dust down a les paul, but of course he sounds totally crap without the power if the whisker.. Changed his name to Dave...
True story.

tjt6768

Well folks, it's about that time when I fill you with wonder and awe.. Time for more fantastic tales of Ra's exploits and inventions...

Thanks to the super powers possesed in his whiskers, for many many years he has been wise council to many Kings, Queens and Presidents and as such has been privvy to the secrets of the world..

Did you know, that Cliff Richard is a direct decedant of the aliens that landed in Roswel? Oh yes dear readers, that did indeed happen.. Ra was there.. He was the first on the scene.. He told me of the strange sounds that the dying aliens made... Went some along the lines of..
"Got myself a crying, walking, sleeping talking..." Something or other.
Weird uh?

And for the doubters, they DID go to the moon in 1969, what they don't tell you is that Ra had to go rescue them.. They hadn't taken any loo roll, it was almost a complete disaster, we almost saw the dark stain of the moon :shock:

Also some more things he invented:

Wigwams, pythons, John Thaw, leggings, mudflaps, canisters, the word munch, wet wipes, baby gripes and Wesley Snipes, nudges, budges and toffee fudges, dreams, huts, credit, nipples, bi-folding doors, quilts, privets, averace, boulders, shoulders and in-car cup holders, and yes.. Many many more

jillyb1

Quite , quite mad but sadly must be on your wavelength as it all made total sense to me ! Hope the pain isn't getting you down too much today , can you tell Ra to hurry up and invent something to provide total pain relief ? It would make his fortune in no time at all . Jillyb

tjt6768

jillyb1 wrote:

Quite , quite mad but sadly must be on your wavelength as it all made total sense to me ! Hope the pain isn't getting you down too much today , can you tell Ra to hurry up and invent something to provide total pain relief ? It would make his fortune in no time at all . Jillyb

Hi Jilly, sorry, just seen this..
Ra once invented a real cure all, but it was back in the days when he was living the rock n roll lifestyle and he wrote the formulae down on some hot chick's arm in her mascara.... He has no reccolection of who said chick was, all he remembers is she was with some band or other, he thinks her name was something like Mimma Cass.. :???: It was in his 'ample' ladies faze. Said she had a lovely voice :shock:

dreamdaisy

Strewth! It's no wonder he spends so much time snoozing, he was and is a very busy cat indeed. I remember he created the alphabet and acrylic, belladonna and Budweiser, cats' cradle and crochet, dawn and dusk, elephants and egg white, foil and freebies, gardens and ganja :shock: , horses and houses (some still confuse them), ink and invisibility, the list goes on (well, it will when I can remember more). DD

tjt6768

Oh yes, he sleeps alright...
He invented CAT naps :shock:

tjt6768

More things from the life of Ra the wonder cat, AKA, The Great White Dope...

He once broke a swan's arm! :shock:
Heavy petted in a swimming pool :shock:
That infamous 'puddle' that Walter Raliegh put his coat over..?? Nope, it was Ra, he had been bursting and couldn't hold it in any longer..
He can kill three birds with only half a stone..
Was a body double for all the Daniel Craig bits in the new Bond films.

Invented..
Pavements, fridges, lemonade, jaundice, cream, lions, fledglings, earphones, carrots, snooker, discus, vases, herrings, verges, leaping, sweet potatoes, bin liners, flakes, diamonds, Lucille Ball, jewellery, deja vu, the village of Wetwang, deja vu, U-boats, attachments :???: riff raff and deja vu...

Plus, many many more wonderful and weird things

tjt6768

More exploits...

Years ago he was dating Grace Jones, it was during in 'crazy **** chick' faze.. I say dating, it was more of a fling to him but the crazy lady was head over heels in love.... She once locked him in a walk in freezer that she had in her apartment in New York. It's where she kept her hedghog carcass collection, told you she was wacky.. Anyway, with only his wits and a few hedgehog spines Ra finally managed to escape after almost getting frostbite on his, erm, extremeties :shock: :shock:
Needless to say, Grace wasn't happy when she returned from her pottery class (she had a soft side too) and found he had gone, she went beserk in fact and in a fit of sheer lunacy started to date Dolph Lundgren.. Lol
Like that would make Ra jealous, crazy lady :roll:
True story

tjt6768

More things from our great Cat Ra..

He invented:
Lobbies, draughts, Craig David's obscenely huge chin having mastered the art on Jimmy Hill yrs before, skiing, Venezuala, fritters, gremlins, jolts, clapping, phone covers, knighthoods, prison bars, char, limpits, sugar, Captain Ahab's watercolour collection, the brink, xrays, quilts, zoos, fans, pop up books, dumb waiters (both kinds :shock: ) heads, novices, algae, gin and tonics, bionics and phylharmonics, Hugh Laurie, Hugh Jackman and Huge ar5es :shock: , anticipation, tremors, slave labour, shrinking violets, pub car parks, diagnostics, marching bands, seaweed, tropical fish, juice, pleasure, theme parks, skid marks and glow-in-the-darks..
And, yep, many many more.

joanlawson

Can he invent a 10/10 on the Grump thread for me please :?:

tjt6768

my dear Joan, he's not that clever :shock:

joanlawson

tjt6768 wrote:

my dear Joan, he's not that clever :shock:

tjt6768

Ra does have a plan for your situation though.. Out does involve blackmail and the dreaded STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN :shock: :shock:

tjt6768

He once went on a date with Marilyn Monroe.. Of course she also fell head over heels in love with him.. He gave her a 7.5/10 :shock:
After seeing her a few more times he became bored and paid his mate Frank and some politicians to get rid of her.. Always wondered what happened to her afterwards :???: :???: :???:

He had met Frank, Ol' blue eyes through a mutual friend Sammy. Ra and Sammy went way back to when they were kids together.. Sammy was actually a woman.. Born Gladiss Banks here in Leeds.. Ra had a bright idea to turn her into a star but 'things' would have to change.. Nobody would want to work with a young white girl with lepracy and bad teeth.. They went to the States, where, if you know the right folks, anything is possible..
So, two yrs later Gladiss was transformed into Sammy... While going through the surgeries he met a fella named Dean, who had begun life as a girl too.. Dean was the surgeons pride and joy... WHo would have thought that a young girl from Vietnam with whooping cough and a stutter could turn into a crooner such as Dean.. Sammy was less of a success however.. I think the surgeon was heavily drinking when working on poor Gladiss :shock:
The surgeon had a son, Frank...

And that is how the Rat Pack met (name suggested by Ra)..

True story

tjt6768

way back... Ra once worked as a groupie for the band Led Zeppelin.. He had been friends with John Bonham for many years, they were good drinking buddies.. They once broke into the louvre just to get stoned and look at some over priced art.
John introduced Ra to the rest of the band, all of them got on extremely well, even the boring one, John Paul Jones..
It was Ra that shot them to fame, he gave each of them one if his sacred whiskers, turning them into the greatest rock band ever.. Before that they were only ever mediocre..

True story..


Ra also invented....
The rule of thumb, flanges, ghosts, vets, kilts, the time/space continuum, ducks, dollar bills, beverley hills & cheap thrills, the space bar, the original fight club, ash, norah batty, squirrels,.dunkirk, pontoons, colin firth, alien abduction, socket sets, lego, woodpeckers, yawning, hours, greed, mildew, yeast, wood lice, retirement, frogs, gravy boats, mops, the colour cyan, time travel, funnels, mchugh, wintery days, knicker elastic, public libraries, beefeaters, dried fruit, and many many more

julie47

I just read this thread with utter amazement

Juliepf x

tjt6768

And rightly so dear Julie..
As mere mortals we can but be astounded by his feline antics

tjt6768

Ra once single handidly climbed mount versuveus, just cos he wanted to sniff the sulfer :shock:

He invented:

Jamie Cullum's forehead, vouchers, static energy, frivolity, automated garage doors, dreams, doughnuts, morocco, eyrton senna, lemonade, slide rules, freedom, hitler's tash, killing sprees :shock: , the nautical mile, paddles, quicksand, angel delight, phosphorous, sledging, thickets, snickets and cricket wickets, dwarves, dripping, hand held radios, lozenges, ice, bankrupcty, lower ground floors, vision express, triffids, liam neeson, swans, underarm hair, kicking, pele's erectile problem as seen on the advert :shock: :shock: and much much more