Why Ra is what he is..

joanlawson

Here's a photo of Ra, the world-famous Supercat



That's all very well, Tony, but I'm not very impressed by his invention of underarm hair. I mean, what possible purpose does it serve :?: Is it supposed to keep us warm in Winter or what :?: Has Ra got shares in a razor blade company, or did he invent it just to give women one more thing to worry about :?: :roll:

Now Liam Neeson and frivolity I do approve of ( both at the same time, preferably )

tjt6768

Thanks Joan. I appreciate the photo. I had to jump in a helicopter to capture that one. By the look on Ra's face he was as shocked as the little fat man in the window behind.. Lol

As for the armpit hair,.don't ask.. It was during his german chick faze :roll:

tjt6768

more of his inventions:

Chicory tip, drawing pins, gums, larry flint, tidal waves, florence, bi-focals, violins, sharon osbourne's foul mouth (no, he's not proud before you ask) scrabble, high jinks, forty winks and bathroom sinks, johnny cash, bangers n mash and grand master flash, wood, thistles, ghetto hamsters, boil in the bag rice, humous, the guillotine, prince charles' lobes, drastic action, blind faith, fear of heights, greenfly, the whoopee cushion, peter ustinov, ground beef, mead, chicken diving, harlotts, the semi colon closely followed by a eureka moment and the full colon, bakeries, hugh laurie, zombies, lice, absynth, shadows, the 1940's, gotcha's, red rum, ghengis khan, lord mountbatten, the flying pickets, mace, eiderdowns, solace, farts, the space time continuum, the nolans, holland, pollen, and many, many more things

tjt6768

Ra once stopped the Russians from launching a nuclear missile at Barnsley.. :shock: Apparently Yeltsin didn't like the accent, thought they were always talking about him :???: :???:
Ra had to get Yeltsin drunk (easy I know) and take him for a night out to calm him down, it was all hush hush though..
He had known Yeltsin for a few years. They had met at the Moscow branch of ATRP (Addicted to Russian Prostitutes)
Ra had been going through a bit of an alcoholic phase and found solace in hefty bosomed Ruskies.. They soon became semi decent pals (him and Yeltsin, not him and the prozzies :shock: ).
They had a fair bit in common.. Neither of them were keen on Clinton to be honest. I think it was the shifty eyes :roll:

He invented:
Naomi Cambell, charlatons, heaving, diplomacy, flash, croupe, denghi fever, neopiltan ice cream, George W Bush (both), lattice, garage doors, weiners, vestabules, carriages, Peter Snow, wallabies, the word minx, cordurouys, bin lids, scarabs, the Polish, computer meeces, droughts, ninjas, knashville Tennessee, alterior motives, children, mud, runny eggs, felt tip pens, jam, challottes, grimoirs, ottermans, or is it ottermen? :???:
And..
many many more things

tjt6768

He once created a wormhole in his litter tray... Of course he had to take a look. It took him to another planet. The planet apeshift. Where monkeys ran the place.. He became embroiled in a love triangle with a baboon and a chimp. It all worked out in the end though, the chimp and baboon were quite promiscuous and very liberally minded.
I still aren't too sure what sex either of them were.. He doesn't talk about that much..
He did tell me that he helped save the planet from an evil carrier bag. Intent on universal domination :shock:
The carrier bag was called Gordon.. He was adopted by a family of intergalactic villains and brought up as their own. His adoptive parents were from a clan of shy-tehawks :???: viscous marauders with skin problems.. They were extremely proud when he killed his first pet shoe lace. He was only three but they knew he would grow up to be an evil little bugger.. What they dint see coming was him killing them both with a fly swat. Out took him three weeks to kill them both.. They both died very bruised but very proud.
Since then he had a thirst for power. He wanted the monkey planet and would kill anyone in his way to get it...

He had not banked on Ra being there

though...
It was an epic battle dear friends... One that lasted.two days. In the end Ra tricked him into the recycling bin...
Ra is now considered a God by the monkey peeps.. They've status if him

tjt6768

cont....
statues of him all over the planet.
He often goes back, I think it's for a bit of monkey love to be honest :shock:

True story

joanlawson

True story

I believe ya, tho' my middle name is Gullible

Tony, the labyrinths of your imagination are fathomless :!: What would we do without you :?: ............and Ra :!:

tjt6768

everything on this thread is true Joan

He once woke up in Botswana, he'd been out drinking with Keith Richards again. He had no recollection of how he got there..
Those two know how to party.. They once partied so hard Caligula left them to it and went home to bed :shock:

He once skateboarded down the eiffel tower blindfolded and shackled. He bet Talouse letrek that he could do it. That was during his absynth phase.
True story

tjt6768

so.. There was God on the eighth day, twiddling his thumbs... What could he create? Something all powerful that could be reborn time and time again...
And that my dear is the true true origins of Ra. The first Ra of many over the millennia... Ever there, looking after mankind. Apart from when he's drunk, asleep or eating, or high on mints :shock:
A last bastion of hope for the human race.. Constantly aware that at any moment the planet could come under attack from such nasties as Gordon the evil carrier bag. Or Norman, the unpleasant, banished in the dark ages for the crime of gossip.. An evil creature made from stale bread..
There are so many evils out there that we are unaware of..
Thank you Lord for bestowing Ra upon us.. The Great White Dope.. We love you..

tjt6768

did you know that Ra was a stunt double on the movie Taken? He actually kicked Liam Neeson in the bahoogies by accident one morning. :shock:
Liam forgave him though. After all it was Ra that went and fetched the ice pack
He was once deep sea diving off the coast of Scarborough when he found the lost city of Atlantis :eek: It was full of magical creatures, mermaids, mermen, the very rare shopping trolley sharks, turd octopus and many more strange sights..
There was actually a brothel there too.. You could spot the mermaid prostitutes, they were the ones in the....... FISH NETS!
He stayed a while, as a guest of the merking, Lionel the crud.. King to all things fish like and ruler of the seven pipes of poo, that ran from the shores of Scarborough to the the inlet of Whitby...
I will tell more if these fishy tales when I can be bothered :???:

tjt6768

Ra once went deep under cover on a mission, he had to become Ronald Reagan's tupee for a whole year :shock:
The things he must have witnessed :eek:

He invented..

Corrugated iron, shoes, wimmin's knickers, scallops, feathers, the Scouts, Admiral Nelson, shish kebabs, the word flippant, dinosaur eggs (before that there was only the dinosaur chicken :shock: ) the lower colon, arbitration, John Noakes, Lemington Spa, camera angles, Ainsley Harriot (regrets, he's had a few.. But then again.... lol) heatwaves, violins, draught excluders, the time warp, cygnets, kicking, quests, fridge magnets, popping candy, super slueths, the fruit fly, laringitis, shouting, minor incidents, xray vision, Whoopee Goldberg's weave, the yardstick, silence, zx spectrum, Colin Farrel's eyebrows, Diana Rigg, flounders, rounders and out of bounders, Gordon Ramsey's testicle like forehead skin :shock: molevelance, card, herrings, the Jolly Roger, all of those horible jumpers you see on Time Team, Wilson Picket, Dana, Horace Wimp and many many more things

joanlawson

molevelance,

What's that :?: Is it what moles do when we're not looking :?:

tjt6768

Yup... tricky likkle beggars they are Joan, lol

tjt6768

Malevolence He invented that too :roll:

mig

Just read thru the posts after not bothering with it (thought it was all about arthur)havent laughed so much in ages,family thought i had gone mad.I LOVE THAT CAT. Mig

traluvie

mig wrote:

Just read thru the posts after not bothering with it (thought it was all about arthur)havent laughed so much in ages,family thought i had gone mad.I LOVE THAT CAT. Mig

Me too.. was hilarious..

joanlawson

tjt6768 wrote:

Malevolence He invented that too :roll:

That must be what Males do when we're not looking :shock:

tjt6768

mig, tracy... That's the difference between RA and Ra.. LOL
Ra is a wondercat and RA is a foul disease..
Glad you like the exploits..

tjt6768

well dear friends, I'm exhausted and under the influence of morphine.. So,a perfect time to regale you with more wonders of the universe that we should praise Ra for...

He once lived behind the curtain in Jimmy Saville's flat for a whole year just to protect the great man himself.... Rumors had it that the Russians were going to make a move on our dear Jim and steal the original Fix It badge press so they could render the originals worthless by filling the market with their shoddy made ones... Ra was happy behind that curtain. He could see right out across Roundhay Park.. He loved watching the birds :shock:
Him & Jim became good friends that year..


Ra also invented:
Long Johns, flannels, chirping, trench coats, golf, statutes, golum, precise measurements, ladles, rufus hound, starch, lavish hotels, crisps, noodles, kenny loggins, tv remotes, asda, rambo, justice, mushrooms, vignettes, Dr Fox, those tiny screwdrivers for fixing spectacles, horse radish, only the original stuff was banned as it was made from real horses.. Louth, Kim &Aggie, bollards, hand written apologies, dentist chairs, corruption, smack, ingrid bergman, barbara strisand's real nose, yes folks.. That one is a fake, it's actually an antennae, she's from a distant planet called soupy fish wallop and uses her snout to contact her mum jibgobbalom striesand... The Queen of said planet. A terrifying beast with nine arms and a mouth the soccer of a child, funnily enough her favorite snack...

More tomorrow..

tjt6768

# that last line should read... The size of a child #
See.. Using the phone is a pain cos it's difficult to correct mistakes once posted..
Oh, the things I do for you lot... Lol

I likes my liquid magic

Night night folks

tjt6768

Ra has had some very unusual missions in his life as an agent.. Some if the things he had been under cover as:

Clint Eastwood's mole
Helena Bonham Carter's top lip
Prince Philip's greek urn :???:
Simon Bates' microphone
Wallpaper
A staffordshire bull terrier
Gordon Ramsay
Tube of smarties
Enoch Powell
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel's hefty bosom :shock:

More inventions:
Salad cream, juvenile delinquency, irony, Sade, semi colons, full colons and the colonoscopy, freights, custard, lion bars, abrupt, the mile high club, leonard nimoy, kiki dee, milk cartons, yosemite sam, drawing pins, pegs, unicycles, sadness, Captain James T Kirk's cockey swagger, odin, fresno, chalk, sissies, ginger people :shock: , trouble, numbness, hijackers, poems, breasts and many many more strange and wonderful things..

CJHunter

My **** , Lily & Jack, are in awe of Ra. They think he is amazing. His body double, Henry has settled in well and is awaiting his next misson.
(shouldnt have said that on here should I ??)

Oops sorry oh great one

tjt6768

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=/&gl=GB#/watch?v=AmDDp-cCo24

Crazy cat...
This is one of Ra's pals, fluffy.. He's such a sweetie :shock:

tjt6768

http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=/&gl=GB#/watch?v=MF88IYF2MHY
Ra wasn't too happy with my footwear today :eek: :eek:

tjt6768

well folks.. It's been way too long since I regaled you with tales of the unbelievable...

Ra has in the past been friend and mentor to many a pop star, hollywood star etc..
Back in the early seventies he was approached by a young red head from woking.. Named Deborah Hairy. She had had zero success as her alter ego Ginger.. (it was obvious it wouldn't work,a failure repeated many yrs later with the least popular Spice Girl :shock: ) After some tweaking and lots of peroxide and a dodgy american accent the hottest wummun in punk was born.. In fact Blondie wrote the song Call Me as a desperate plea to Ra after a one night stand together, she along with all the wimmin he'd ever met.. Was smitten.
Heart of glass is a homage to the fact that he actually has a glass heart, made by the famous glass genius Ronny LaLeek (rough translation Ronny The Leek) a glass blower from Cardiff that Ra had befriended while on tour with Tom Jones.. that wasn't unusual.. :???:

Ra was responsible for Tom's deep voice after convincing him to eat charcoal for a whole year in the mid sixties.. Really wasn't good for his teeth, he lost them all after the first four months and had to suck the coal from then on. He later replaced his teeth with shingles from a neighbors shed as a temporary fix.
True stories..