Sad time for me

dreamdaisy

(((((((legs))))))) DD

valval

you are a very brave person who has been through a lot and is coming through it all with her head help high we know there will be good and bad days but we are here when you need us waiting to help how ever we can ((())) val

lindalegs

fayrose wrote:

Reading your last post here Legs, my heart aches for you. Have been through similar horrors in the past year, so can almost imagine your pain.
(((Hugs))) lass xxxxx

Hi Fay,

I've tried to PM you but apparently you've disabled your Private Mail facility.

If you've been through similar to me you don't have to imagine the pain you'll know how tough it is as many others do also.

I'm sorry you've had to face horror such as this. :sad:

Take care.

lindalegs

Thank you everyone for your continued support.

My middle brother is arranging the funeral which won't be for another week yet at the earliest.

It will be a very sorry affair as my Dad hated music as he was tone deaf and, to him, music was just a cacophony of noise. My brothers, therefore, have said there will be no music or hymns. (Personally I would have liked both but it's not to be :sad: ) My Dad was also an atheist so there will be no religious content either. I can't imagine what it's going to be like apart from very, very sad with no music to cover the sound of our tears.

tjt6768

Hi Linda. Just wanted to send you some more hugs from me, and Ra.

((((()))))

Janet's Dad had a none religious funeral and u was rather dubious but it was a really lovely service hun. I understand about wanting music though.

Xxx

stickywicket

I agree, Legs. I think I'd find the 'no music' bit hard. After all, funerals are also for the benefit of those left behind. However, I can see that, with good organisation, it would work. Look after yourself. (((( ))))

lindalegs

Thanks Tony.

I just think it will be soulless (sorry if that's a pun :oops: ) with no music but my brothers are adamant ..............did I really say Adam Ant?!!!!!

To be honest I'm dreading it.

lindalegs

Hi Sticky,

You snucked in there.

I can't see how it will work :sad: and will be sadder and emptier because of it.

ironic

Aw Linda,

I am so sorry that you have lost your lovely dad and for all the sadness of last Christmas too.
We had a small service for my dad and we all took a red rose and placed it on the coffin which did seem right for us at the time.

I have attended a humanist funeral and I thought it was beautifully done with both a dedicated person and family members reading out statements about the life and achievements of the person. It captured the essence of the deceased perfectly.

I x

elnafinn

Dear Linda,

My uncles funeral at the crematorium was conducted by a humanist and I had never been to a service quite like this before. There were three pieces of music played however (beginning, middle and at the end) because my uncle had his favourites. The humanist told of my uncles full and varied life, one son gave his view of his dad's life, another son read a poem and one grandson read a poem. We had a quiet time for a few moments to reflect on my uncles life or to pray,whatever suited the individuals present. Some members of the family did of course cry but that is very natural. The curtains did not close on the coffin at all. I was very moved by the way it had all been planned by his boys and I know my uncle would have approved. He was not religious because as a child he had to attend the methodist church twice every Sunday and this put him off - we were told this at the funeral. It can be explained why there is no music at your dad's service and those present will undersand. Sometimes people do not know the hymns chosen and this can on occasion be a little embarrassing.

Dear Linda, it will of course be a very sad occasion, without a doubt, but it can also be looked upon as a celebration of your dear dad's life.

Gentle hugs
Elna x

lindalegs

Hi 'I' and Elna,

I've offered to help but my brother says he'll do it.

I organised my Mum's funeral because none of my brothers wanted to be involved and then at the eleventh hour my youngest brother read out a beautifully moving piece of prose he'd written about Mum and I was so proud of him. I don't want to speak at the funeral as I know I'll be too upset but I am thinking about writing something the 'humanist' could read.

elnafinn

Dear Linda

That is a lovely idea, to write something about your dad that the humanist can read out on your behalf. I too could never speak at a funeral. I would be far too emotional. Writing something down would also help you a great deal I feel. Although your brothers have said they are doing the organising that does not been that you cannot be involved too and I expect you may well wish to meet the humanist before hand.

Love
Elna x

magenta

Hi Linda,

I'm sorry, I've never been to a humanist ceremony of any sort. I think what you've said about writing something down for the humanist to read out would be perfect.
I hope you're feeling alot better and the tummy has settled.

Take care and I'll keep checking this thread for any news.

love Eileen x

elnafinn

You are in my thoughts, dear Linda.

Love
Elna x

barbara12

Hi Linda
You are in my thought...love and hugs coming your way ((((()))) xxx

Poppyg1rl

Dear Linda,
Writing out a eulogy for your Dad may be a really good idea. Even if it doesn't get read out at the funeral, it might help and comfort you, remembering all the good times, achievements, laughs etc. I did and once I got started writing it all out it felt very cathartic, and i had a great sense of release. Sending you love and gentle hugs Linda, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Xxx

ritwren

Dear Linda I am so sorry for your loss now and for what you have had to go through especially this past year.
I hope you can find the strength to write something for someone to read out at the service.
My thoughts are with you.
Hope your tummy troubles have eased off a bit for you.
Big hugs,Rita.

tkachev

Dear Linda,

You have been through so much these past 10 months. I hope there will be peaceful times ahead. I too think it would be lovely for you to write down some of your childhood memories, your love for your dad and to shine a light on his life.

My thoughts are with you and all those who have lost loved ones.

Elizabeth

julie47

Hi Linda

Just to let you know that I am still thinking of you
and sending more (((((((Hugs)))))))

love juliepf xx

dreamdaisy

Hello legs, I have been thinking of you. I have read back a little and thought I would tell you that Ma and me decided to have just a little music at my Pa's cremation. My cousin played summat on the organ as we all came in with Pa, and summat as we all went out without him, but there were no hymns. Instead the small congregation read 'The Lord is my Shepherd' and to this day I can feel the 'wall' of voices behind me and Ma. They sounded so sure, so strong - far better than weedy warbling (well I'm a weedy warbler, stuff is always pitched too high for me).

I hope you are feeling better in yourself or at least you are as well as you can be. ((())) DD

nearlybionic

Hi Linda
Sorry that i have not posted before now, but i have not been on the forum much.
I am so sorry for your loss xx
Sending you much love and thinking of you xxx
I hope the funeral service goes ok, although it sounds like it would not have been your choice. I hope it allows you time to reflect on the happy times and remember your Dad with love and fondness.
NB xx

lindalegs

Hello everyone.

Grief is very strange as you think you're managing well and then along it comes and swamps you and almost takes you by surprise. :shock: :sad:

The funeral is next Wednesday 2nd November at 10:00 a.m. I'd talked to my middle brother and said whatever happens it wasn't to be on Friday 4th because that's the date of my Anti-TNF Assessment at the hospital. Unfortunately the 2nd is my younger brother and sister's birthday so it'll be a very sad day to be all together.

Thanks for the advice about music but none of the others want any played so I shan't make a fuss. (I shall hum quietly in my head instead )

My Dad was a brilliant gardener and he used to grow chrysanthemums for my Mum (even though he was totally colour blind and could only see shades of grey) so we're having a wreath of chrysants in shades of autumn colours made in the shape of a garden spade.

Love

bertyboy

hi Linda i know what you mean about grief catching you unawares , it is part of the progress , and you will gain comfort from the funerel as will the family , and in time you will have the happy memories in your head of your dad, you are in my thoughts xx

elnafinn

Dear Linda

It is so good to hear from you. Grief is strange in that you think you are managing as you say and then something comes into your mind, you hear a certain melody, you have a phone call, see the sun shining, remember something to remind you of your dear dad, someone says something and it triggers it all off again. It is best to let the tears fall. I have heard this feeling of coping and then there is a reminder that sets you off again can last for quite a time.It can be overwhelming and powerful and can happen anywhere. It is perfectly natural.

You are in my thoughts, dear Linda.

Love
Elna x

ritwren

Hi Linda, just wanted to send good vibes for you. Best of luck next week, you've got a lot to contend with at the moment but you will somehow get the strength to get through it.
Big hugs, Rita.