Have a laugh...again.

rondetto

I have one
You have one
Your mother uses your father's one
And your auntie uses your uncle's one
A married lady would acquire one
But a divorced lady would lose her one
Arnold Schwarzenneger has a longer one
Michael J. Fox has a shorter one
Madonna doesn't have one
The Chinese usually have short ones
While the Indian usually have long ones







Do you have one?
How long is your one?
Which one is your preferred one?
(see below for answer)






what you are thinking of! go down......







Answer : its your Surname, what else !! but I like the way you think.

rondetto

We should have noticed:
IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!. I just never looked at it this way before:

MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist
and when we have real trouble, it's a... HIStorectomy.
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?

rondetto

Doh!!!

rondetto

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get life in prison. His brother found out that an Irish Paddy was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the Paddy that he would be paid £10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the Paddy's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the £10,000.

The Paddy replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.

rondetto

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring……

rondetto

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

rondetto

As she slid behind the wheel for her first driving lesson, my daughter couldn't contain her excitement. "You need to make adjustments so the car is comfortable for you, the driver," I began.
"Now, what's the first thing you should do?"
"I think we'll change the radio station," she said.

rondetto

In this job we need someone who is responsible, " said the employer."Then I'm your man," answered the potential employee. "On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.

rondetto

A woman went to a Valencia lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. "Do you even have any actual experience picking
lemons?" he asked.
"Well, I think I do." she replied. "I’ve been divorced three times."

rondetto

A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.” The doctor says, “Why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “We would. But we need the eggs.”

frogmorton

Doh!!!!

Ron

Love

Toni xx

rondetto

rondetto

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"

One child answered, "Mary."

The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"

A little kid said, "Verge."

Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"

The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''

rondetto

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Mum saw the opportunity for a moral lesson and said; "If Jesus was sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.' "

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you can have the first chance at being Jesus!"

rondetto

Olga, the maid announced to her bsos, Mrs. Blanco, that she was quitting.

When Mrs. Blanco asked why, Olga replied, "I'm in the family way."

Mrs. Blanco was totally mad, surprised and shocked, and asked who the father could be.

"Your husband and your son," replied Olga.

Mortified, Mrs. Blanco demanded an explanation.

"Well," Olga explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'.

"So I'm in the family way and I can't do the work you hired me to do so I quit."

rondetto

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"

barbara12

I love it.....[/url

rondetto

Thanks Babs.

rondetto

A Blonde, a red head, and a burnette were taking a road trip when they stopped at a mysterious gas station to use the restroom and to pay for gas.
The blonde walks in to ask where the restroom was when a weird old lady behind the counter told her never to lie into the mirror or she would get sucked into it.
If you say something true something good will happen to you.
The red head walks in and says into the mirror," I think I'm the prettiest here." When she walked out there was a brand new car waiting for her.
The burnette walks in and says into the mirror, "I think I'm the smartest here. "When she walked out a man was holding a million pound check with her name on it.
The blonde walks in and says into the mirror," I think...", she was instantly sucked into the mirror.

frogmorton

Very good Ron



Love

Toni xx

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A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk
from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the
saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to
buy the cat for two quid. The storeowner replies “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.
The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay
you twenty quid for that cat.” And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat. The
collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty quid I wonder if you could throw in that old
saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.” And the owner
says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight
cats.”

rondetto

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the doctor's office.

"We have come for an examination" said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me" said the girl. "It's my old aunt here."

"Ok..... Madam, just put your tongue out."

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"HOW DID IT HAPPEN?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."

"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."

"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
I said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm sure," I said.
"Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know.
"I reckon not," I replied.

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?"

"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"

rondetto

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole — he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole — fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t believe how hard these men were working, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, “I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!”
The hole digger replied, “Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today.”

marion1952

Excellent Ron!

Marion