Have a laugh...again.

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  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umberella.She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed by and went a couple of miles down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car round and sped back towards the fortune teller.
    As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down.He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.

    A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him.
    "What do you think you`re doing?"

    After a moment the man replied,... "Well, I`ve always wanted to strike a happy medium."     :D
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Two blondes were walking down the road, when one of them said"Look at that dog with one eye!" The other one covered one eye and said :"Where" :D
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?”

    “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I've just buried him.”

    The neighbor was concerned, “That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?”

    Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That's because he's inside your stupid cat.”     :D
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is? Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss! :D
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    A history joke Teacher: When was Rome built? Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn’t built in a day! :D
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters U.F.O. printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object? The alien answered, No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only! :D
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Two Jehovah Witnesses were going door to door. They knocked on
    Tammy's door. Tammy clearly was not happy to see them. She
    told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their
    message and then slammed the door in their faces.

    To Tammy's surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced
    back open. Seeing the two Jehovah Witnesses at the door frustrated
    her. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut.

    But the door still didn't close. Furious, she grabbed the door with
    two hands and shoved it as hard as she could. But again, the door
    wouldn't shut.

    Convinced one of these rude Jehovah Witnesses was sticking a foot in
    the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really
    teach them a lesson.

    Just then, one of the Jehovah Witnesses said, "Ma'am, before you do
    that again, you might want to move your cat."     :D
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
    sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the
    other and says:
    "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and
    pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

    Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

    "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"

    "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.     :D
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
    A policeman approaches her and says,
    "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
    She says, "Why officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." he says. She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"     :D
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    This lady is having a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two tramps show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back.

    Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all.

    The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air.

    She speaks to the other tramp and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him £50!"

    The tramp replies, "Well, I dont. Let me ask him. "Hey Willie! For £50 would you chop off another toe?"     :D
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,087
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Ron

    have i really got to go a week without these?

    :(

    Safe journey and happy hols

    Love

    Toni xx
  • rondetto
    rondetto Member Posts: 2,540
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It'll soon go, miss you too Toni, off now take care.
    Ron
    xxx

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