NEW YEAR FORUM CRUISE.... IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

prefabkid47

Oh dear Joan............. :sad:

You must get your lawyers to read the small print!
The 'Internet Cruise Act of 2011,Section16,para102,subpara89' states that 'The health and safety of crew members (to the exclusion of all passenger pleasures) overides any clauses contained within any contract entered into'.Further,that if taken to arbitration the Act states that the barman's decision is final.
That decision has been made,but I may add that I am open to offers (including favours and those of a monetary nature).

Ron
(formerly of Lincoln's Inn and the Red Lion)

theresa4

After all the tips the Ron barman should really think about where his bread is buttered and lock up them docs on board.

Mine are staying put. thanks to mcsteamy being a plastic I now have my pre arthur body back, thats where ive been hiding for 2 days, Im hitting the deck in skimpy 2 piece now and with mcdreamy neurosurgeon well hes going nowhere hes too gorgeous and Im not done with him yet!!

Well look to the left all those dolphins dancing over the gentle waves alongside our ship Ron ( quick bubbles hes distracted lock up the doc wuick)

Where is the captain ? seems a bit absent from this cruise :shock: First mate whats going on?
And whats this about the mac , I have been missing some stuff.

After some light sunworshipping Im off to the boutique to find something suitable for dinner
What on earth which one of you men just walked by in a bright green mankini :shock: well I never

Theresa

prefabkid47

theresa4 wrote:

After all the tips the Ron barman should really think about where his bread is buttered and lock up them docs on board.

Mine are staying put. thanks to mcsteamy being a plastic I now have my pre arthur body back, thats where ive been hiding for 2 days, Im hitting the deck in skimpy 2 piece now and with mcdreamy neurosurgeon well hes going nowhere hes too gorgeous and Im not done with him yet!!

Well look to the left all those dolphins dancing over the gentle waves alongside our ship Ron ( quick bubbles hes distracted lock up the doc wuick)

Where is the captain ? seems a bit absent from this cruise :shock: First mate whats going on?
And whats this about the mac , I have been missing some stuff.

After some light sunworshipping Im off to the boutique to find something suitable for dinner
What on earth which one of you men just walked by in a bright green mankini :shock: well I never

Theresa

The one in the bright green mankini was me,I thought something in the colour of creme de menthe (this season's taupe) seemed appropriate to wear behind the bar.

I do know where my bread is buttered,but the tips are too small.I am a man of expensive tastes,that's why I'm the bar room lawyer to earn more dosh and I also enjoy soliciting!

I did see the dolphins,they are on the menu tonight!!

bubbles

A Hattie Jaques - as MATRON - I have never heard the like. Dr C is well and truly safe and sound and in a secure, but comfortable place, that only I have the code to access. Oh the afront, bringing on board Matron, (although I do love Hattie).
I have thrown the medicine trolley overboard, in a fit of peak.

I will remain in my cabin, for the foreseeable future, no appointments can be taken and the phone is on answering machine.

valval

bubbles wrote:

A Hattie Jaques - as MATRON - I have never heard the like. Dr C is well and truly safe and sound and in a secure, but comfortable place, that only I have the code to access. Oh the afront, bringing on board Matron, (although I do love Hattie).
I have thrown the medicine trolley overboard, in a fit of peak.

I will remain in my cabin, for the foreseeable future, no appointments can be taken and the phone is on answering machine.

do not worry have got a set of shackles with me not sure why i packed them so you can use them when we go ashore to make sure he stays put but to be honest you have him under your spel so he not going any where he told me when had him locked in my cabin val

prefabkid47

You wimmen leave me totally confused............. :???: (could never get into your minds).You come on this virtual cruise to get away from hospital,clinic and doctor appointments,and what do you do,lock the medical profession in your cabins!!The phrase 'busman's holiday' springs to mind.

valval

prefabkid47 wrote:

You wimmen leave me totally confused............. :???: (could never get into your minds).You come on this virtual cruise to get away from hospital,clinic and doctor appointments,and what do you do,lock the medical profession in your cabins!!The phrase 'busman's holiday' springs to mind.

we spend all our time being bossed about by docs etc make a nice change to have full control of them for a change lol.
love a man in a white coat val

flossy47

Send the helicopter for me please. All appointments out of the way now. Bubbles stop hogging Dr C. I need some sun and relaxation.

bubbles

OK, he is a free man,

Far from a Busman's holiday, some services are indispensable, no matter how wonderful the situation. I will sort out a new trolley and then come off duty. I am heading to the spa, then the shops

joanlawson

prefabkid47 wrote:

Oh dear Joan............. :sad:

You must get your lawyers to read the small print!
The 'Internet Cruise Act of 2011,Section16,para102,subpara89' states that 'The health and safety of crew members (to the exclusion of all passenger pleasures) overides any clauses contained within any contract entered into'.Further,that if taken to arbitration the Act states that the barman's decision is final.
That decision has been made,but I may add that I am open to offers (including favours and those of a monetary nature).

Ron
(formerly of Lincoln's Inn and the Red Lion)

Aha :!: I've heard about these bogus illegal Internet Cruise Acts before ( and about barmen who like to wear bright green mankinis :shock: ) Here's a photo of Ron taken yesterday :eek:



Ron, you look very fit and full of energy, so the cruise is obviously invigorating you However, I'm very doubtful about your legal qualifications obtained from Lincoln's Inn. I think you are best qualified to serve at an alcoholic bar rather than a legal one

joanlawson

flossy47 wrote:

Send the helicopter for me please. All appointments out of the way now. Bubbles stop hogging Dr C. I need some sun and relaxation.

Welcome on board, Flossy. Sun and relaxation is what this cruise is all about. We move on tomorrow to our next port of call, so spend the day being pampered and soaking up the sun.

CJHunter

All the excitement has just wiped me out the past few days, havent slept so well in years. Must be the movement of the sea, mmm maybe a waterbed is required at home,mmm
Ihave to hitch a ride on that helicopter back to reality i'm affraid. Will be back when the appointments over and able to join in the fun with full gusto

joanlawson

We'll be keeping your cabin ready for your return, Clare.

Good luck for tomorrow, and I hope all will go well for you.

Joan

valval

there are not many down to breakfast will have fruit this morning it all looks so lovely and a pot of tea please. then going to sit on the deck and watch the world go past.

Airwave!

Been busy otherwise I would have joined you sooner, my private jet got held up by leaves on the runway, had to leave my Roller in the garage, it failed it's drinks bar test, my personal woman servant has a bad case of wrong makeup and to cap it all some **** delivered the wrong beer to my easy chair, ddooohhhhhhhh!

S'funny, wheres all the other blokes..............???????? Whats all this pinkkkkkk??????

prefabkid47

Airwave! wrote:

Been busy otherwise I would have joined you sooner, my private jet got held up by leaves on the runway, had to leave my Roller in the garage, it failed it's drinks bar test, my personal woman servant has a bad case of wrong makeup and to cap it all some **** delivered the wrong beer to my easy chair, ddooohhhhhhhh!

S'funny, wheres all the other blokes..............???????? Whats all this pinkkkkkk??????

Good question,but will be nice to have another bloke on board.
Ron the barman

prefabkid47

joanlawson wrote:

prefabkid47 wrote:

Oh dear Joan............. :sad:

You must get your lawyers to read the small print!
The 'Internet Cruise Act of 2011,Section16,para102,subpara89' states that 'The health and safety of crew members (to the exclusion of all passenger pleasures) overides any clauses contained within any contract entered into'.Further,that if taken to arbitration the Act states that the barman's decision is final.
That decision has been made,but I may add that I am open to offers (including favours and those of a monetary nature).

Ron
(formerly of Lincoln's Inn and the Red Lion)

Aha :!: I've heard about these bogus illegal Internet Cruise Acts before ( and about barmen who like to wear bright green mankinis :shock: ) Here's a photo of Ron taken yesterday :eek:



Ron, you look very fit and full of energy, so the cruise is obviously invigorating you However, I'm very doubtful about your legal qualifications obtained from Lincoln's Inn. I think you are best qualified to serve at an alcoholic bar rather than a legal one

Joan and other concerned parties

The Cruise Act of 2011 is far from bogus,I know because I wrote it and a couple of MPs I met in a pub slipped it through Parliament while the other MPs were pre occupied with filling in their expenses forms.It only cost a round of drinks and the 'phone numbers of a couple of my lady friends!

As to my legal qualifications,they should certainly stand up in a court of law after all they were purchased from a reputable source (ebay).

Certainly qualified to serve at the bar,starting out with Vimto and Smiths crisps,progressed to lager (or is that regressed?) then to real ale and single malt,a lifetimes devotion!

As regards my photo Joan,I had no idea you had taken it,guess I'm so used to other attractive young ladies snapping me I didn't see you.Of course my image is copyright!I look fit and full of energy because it was taken before a stint behind the bar.

That reminds me,does anyone know where our next port of call is?The captain has gone missing and can't find any crew (the doctors of course are locked in various cabins).I ask because the bar is almost dry and I want to stock up.I never knew you wimmen could knock back so much spirits and pints.It can't be the men 'cause there don't appear to be any on board apart from myself (that's why I keep my cabin door locked at night,to stop you wimmen breaking in and Kate B breaking out!).

Please let me know when the boat stops.Off for a nightcap (or daycap by the time I get to bed!).

Airwave!

Talking of which, the sun is definitely over the ships rail and you are all invited to a cocktail of your choice, mines light and bitter! and can we have some proper pork scratchings and peanuts not those silly cheese puffs, oh and some pickled onions ta.

Now lets look at the lunchtime menu:- pink shrimps, salad, or prawn mayo in between melba toast, hhmmmm thats not going to soak up my beer, lets have something proper, ham egg and chips please!

prefabkid47

Mine will be a real ale cocktail.........pint of Bitter followed by a pint of London Porter (specially sourced by your barman),have brought my home made pickled onions none of your inferior shop bought stuff!
Am afraid the ham is off the lunchtime menu,but the chef recommends the fried dolphin (he had to get a larger fry pan!).

Colin1

I think the short skirt would clinch it me mell
Well its like this i tend to have been in and out of the forum over the past 18 months and i think this little trip has been the longest i have been on the forum for a long time. I normally end up here when i'm a little worse in my condition.
Now if you can put up with me i would like to come along on this voyage of discovery if only to rediscover myself. Should i be crew member or just relax and take it easy, well i thrive on a little strees and now i've had the heart attack i need not worry about having on.
My expertise lies in Catering, Weapons, Organisation skills ( telling people what to do ) no good at knots i can spot a short skirt at a thousand yards so eysight is good. rest of me is f----d Now i do like the odd brandy but love a drop of rum when i'm at sea, Done the west indies three times. done the med 4 times, indian ocean a couple of times and the far east Speciality the island of Gan, ill need a balcony and a pretty girl to wait on me could be in charge of staff uniforms that could be fun is naked a uniform. anyway enough of the banter and no lip from you joan.
Just show me to my bunk then the cookhouse.
Colin

theresa4

Nice to see a few more men joinng us but again one man seems to be missing, Where is the captain!!! havent heard from him in days Val have you got him locked up in your cabin?

Joan as tour organiser where is our captain and where are we headed rather concerned we could be headed anywhere by now although not in any rush to go back home yet.

Ron my docs are here for their sexy bodies,... I mean smiles and eyes it comforts me I cant go cold turkey on medical staff they are part of my life. And its my fantasy cruise so Im having some serious fantasy men 8)

Im having a detox day today as the pastries and alcohol are starting to take their toll so Ron a few healthy smoothies would be good unless airwave or colin want to start up their own juice bar??

Bubbles well done hanging onto DR C I see the hypnosis has worked and hes ready and willing to stay now

See you back here soon Clare and welcome aboard Flossy.


Now juice barhere I come

Theresa

joanlawson

Airwave! wrote:

Been busy otherwise I would have joined you sooner, my private jet got held up by leaves on the runway, had to leave my Roller in the garage, it failed it's drinks bar test, my personal woman servant has a bad case of wrong makeup and to cap it all some **** delivered the wrong beer to my easy chair, ddooohhhhhhhh!

S'funny, wheres all the other blokes..............???????? Whats all this pinkkkkkk??????

Welcome on board Airwave :!: Sorry you weren't able to join us sooner, but it's such a hard life coping with private jets, Rollers, and bad service, isn't it? You just can't get the servants of the right caliber these days, can you?

Anyway never fear, the service on the Skylark is second to none, and your beer will be delivered to your easy chair without fail

joanlawson

prefabkid47 wrote:

Mine will be a real ale cocktail.........pint of Bitter followed by a pint of London Porter (specially sourced by your barman),.

Ron, I've just seen this X-ray photo of you, taken as you came through passport control :shock: Wasn't it a bit dangerous to swallow the glass as well :?:

joanlawson

Colin1 wrote:

I think the short skirt would clinch it me mell
Well its like this i tend to have been in and out of the forum over the past 18 months and i think this little trip has been the longest i have been on the forum for a long time. I normally end up here when i'm a little worse in my condition.
Now if you can put up with me i would like to come along on this voyage of discovery if only to rediscover myself. Should i be crew member or just relax and take it easy, well i thrive on a little strees and now i've had the heart attack i need not worry about having on.
My expertise lies in Catering, Weapons, Organisation skills ( telling people what to do ) no good at knots i can spot a short skirt at a thousand yards so eysight is good. rest of me is f----d Now i do like the odd brandy but love a drop of rum when i'm at sea, Done the west indies three times. done the med 4 times, indian ocean a couple of times and the far east Speciality the island of Gan, ill need a balcony and a pretty girl to wait on me could be in charge of staff uniforms that could be fun is naked a uniform. anyway enough of the banter and no lip from you joan.
Just show me to my bunk then the cookhouse.
Colin

Colin, I'm delighted to welcome you on the Skylark for this epic cruise. I have missed your posts and your Liverpudlian wit.


We are honoured to have a man of your experience and expertise on board. I have given you the very best cabin with a balcony, plus the pretty girl you ordered. I'm not sure whether it's safe to put you in charge of the staff uniforms though as they might complain about being cold with the sea breezes. With your knowledge of catering, we look forward to some first-class meals if you would like to be our chef.


It goes without saying that you would be given plenty of time off and a generous supply of rum

joanlawson

theresa4 wrote:

Nice to see a few more men joinng us but again one man seems to be missing, Where is the captain!!! havent heard from him in days Val have you got him locked up in your cabin?

Joan as tour organiser where is our captain and where are we headed rather concerned we could be headed anywhere by now although not in any rush to go back home yet.

Theresa, I hope that the captain hasn't abandoned ship so I'm sending an SOS to find him.

The ship can steer itself on automatic navigation for the time being until the captain is found.

Where would you like to go next :?: The passengers decide.