Absolutely Devastated

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Comments

  • ELAINE55555
    ELAINE55555 Member Posts: 123
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I agree with you tkachev, If it was me, I am afraid he would have his marching orders long before now. I cannot understand how anyone could put up with this.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It's nice to see you again, lazicat, but I'm sorry things have been so difficult.

    If you are right in your assessment that the affair is, indeed over and he is now undergoing some mid-life crisis (Personally, for what it's worth, I think you're right) then there will be no hurrying him through this period of depression. In fact, I guess any kind of pressure - whether to go away on holiday, the proximity of Christmas or of your next THR - will only make things worse for him. He has signed up for counselling which has to be a good thing but the results of that won't be instant either.

    It must be so difficult for both of you especially as the difficulties that each one faces impact on the other. I'm afraid I can think of no words of comfort other than that we are always here for you if it helps.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • lazicat
    lazicat Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi everyone. Just thought I would pop in after a very long time.
    Life was a roller coaster for a very long time & very hard. My hubby ended up having a complete breakdown , cut himself off completely from friends & was very distant with me. He was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar which in itself has taken a huge effort to come to terms with & get in control. It was like living with an alien on a rollercoaster ! It took ages to get him on the right medication & therapy which is ongoing, he's about to start CBT after months of counselling. The good news is that he's happy again , infact we both are & we are together. We have moved house to a bungalow to make life easier for me with the OA. Our daughter is at University & doing great. Also we went on holiday last summer for the first time in years , something he thought he could never do again when he was so low & didn't want to live. So life has definitely got better , our relationship is good & strong , our kids are proud. My OA is still a pain in the bum , but hey how, I'm coping ! Just wanted to thank you all for being there & for all the advice. In October we celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary & stayed in a beautiful hotel where I was wined & dinned , it was fabulous. I get down with my pain but life could of ended up so much worse & Im happy.
  • lazicat
    lazicat Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh & I've forgiven his affair although I will never forget . Life is good now .I've learnt so much about myself throughout this torrid time . The saying - what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger - is so very true.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What a lovely post!

    What lovely, strong people you both are and, clearly, you have the marriage you deserve. I'm so pleased things - horrible things - have worked out for the best. It must have taken a lot of hard graft but you are reaping the benefits now and long may that last.

    Thank you for sharing it with us.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,870
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh my goodness me!!!

    You know I have often thought about you Lazicat!!

    I am so very very happy to hear your news and so proud that you have both saved your marriage.

    Thank you SO much for posting!

    Love and huge ((()))

    toni xxx
  • lazicat
    lazicat Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    webmanager wrote:
    How lovely to hear from you lazicat,
    and what wonderful news thank you for the update it's very inspiring and both myself and the moderators wish you much happiness. Keep in touch it be lovely to hear from you from time to time
    Best Wishes
    Sharon

    Thanks everyone. Yes I will , been having a browse & catching up with news & tips. This forum is so useful & I hope my story may help others too, the stress of OA on our lives definitely played a part & it's something we have learnt to cope with & adjust to.
    Four years later my new hip is great but the other one is getting much worse , it will have to be replaced & I also have OA in my lower spine & neck. Pain is a constant thing & I've had to learn how to pace myself. Think I can honestly say it took a long time to accept how I was for both of us, but life goes on & it's best to try to be bright & happy with a duvet day when needed.

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